CHOOSING BETWEEN SAFETY AND CONVENIENCE

                                                      

ACTS 27: PERSUADED TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN WAY

“…Paul began to admonish them, and said to them, “Men, I perceive that the voyage will certainly be with damage and great loss, not only of the cargo and the ship, but also of our lives.” But the centurion was more persuaded by the pilot and the captain of the ship than by what was being said by Paul.... Paul stood up in their midst and said, “Men, you ought to have followed my advice and not to have set sail from Crete and incurred this damage and loss…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).

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 “… Paul began to admonish them …” as the Mouthpiece for God’s heart (Acts 27:9 NASB). God’s WORD was written for our admonishment and warning. “…Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition (warning)…” (1 Corinthians 10:11 KJV).

God sends Mouthpieces for his WORD to advise and teach his people about CHOOSING the right path. “…Whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope…” (Romans 15:4 KJV). “ … Paul stood up in their midst and said, “Men, you ought to have followed my advice …” (Acts 27:21 NASB).

“…The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them Your servant is warned. In keeping them there is great reward …” (Psalm 19:7-11 NASB).

“ … Paul … said “ … you ought to have followed my advice …” (Acts 27:21 NASB). Paul was a Mouthpiece given by God and had richly preached the gospel in Crete. “…And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors, (clergy) and teachers …” (Ephesians 4:11 KJV). Therefore, God was with Paul.

 Paul also knew the different islands along the shore. “… [However] …the centurion was more persuaded by the pilot and the captain of the ship than by what was being said by Paul…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). The centurion was persuaded by the traditional, established expert advice, his own experience, and the admonition of the pilot and the captain.

The centurion’s BACK was up against the wall and he allowed himself to be persuaded by human prudence whether than God’s revelatory WORD. “….THE WORDS that I speak unto you, they are SPIRIT, and they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV).  “… By them Your servant is warned …” (Psalm 19:7-11 NASB).

“… choose LIFE …” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV). “…Choose you this day whom ye will serve….” (Joshua 24:15 KJV). “…The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who CHOOSE that way. …” (Matthew 7:13-14 NLT).

Julius, the centurion, was kind and respectful to Paul. “…A centurion of the Augustan cohort named Julius  …  treated Paul with consideration…” (Acts 27:1-4 NASB).

However, like many people today, he may have respected Paul, God’s Mouthpiece, yet he DID NOT heed his advice or warning. “… My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to hear your words, but they do not put them into practice…” (Ezekiel 33:31 NIV). “…the centurion was more persuaded by the pilot and the captain of the ship than by what was being said by Paul…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).

When your situations and circumstances get hard and challenging continue to CHOOSE God’s path for your life. God’s wisdom is STILL sovereign over man’s wisdom - even those perceived as experts - when decisions SEEM desperate. Trust God always. “…The foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men…” (1 Corinthians 1:25 KJV). “… choose LIFE …” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV). “….THE WORDS that I speak unto you … they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV). “… Jesus said … I am the life…..” (John 11:25 KJV).

The choices of man can often lead them right into the storms of life; even after consulting with human experts. “…There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, BUT the end….are the ways of death…..” (Ephesians 1:6 KJV). “…There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death...” (Proverbs  14:20 KJV). “….The way of a fool is right in his own eyes…” (Proverbs 12:15 KJV). “…Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it BRINGETH FORTH SIN: and sin, when it is finished, BRINGETH FORTH DEATH…” (James 1:13-15 NLT). “…You have eaten the fruit of lies Because you have trusted in your way…” (Hosea 10:13 NASB).

The CHOICES of men can end up shattering autonomy and render an individual’s personal or professional power and skills USELESS. “…They used supporting cables in undergirding the ship …they let down the sea anchor  … they began to jettison the cargo; and on the third day they threw the ship’s tackle overboard with their own hands..…” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB).  “…They lost all control of the ship…” (Acts 27:15 MSG).

BAD CHOICES can be deeply overpowering and end up draining one’s personal strength. “…Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagle They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint…” (Isaiah 40:28-31 NLT).

BAD CHOICES, which lead into the windy storms of life, prove the importance of trusting God and NOT flesh. “…Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath…” (Isaiah 2:22 NLT). “…Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint…” (Proverbs 25:19 KJV). “…They lost all control of the ship…” (Acts 27:15 MSG).

“…Paul began to admonish them, and said to them, “Men, I perceive that the voyage will certainly be with damage and great loss, not only of the cargo and the ship, but also of our lives.” …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). “…How shall THEY HEAR without a PREACHER?” (Romans 10:14 KJV). “… Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ…” (Ephesians 4:11 NLT).

The Centurion was pressured to make a decision of whether to stay in one harbor or go to another harbor. It was winter time. The harbor they were at was NOT convenient, comfortable, or commodious for winter. People usually winterize their boats during the winter season because the winter weather is so dangerously uncertain.

The centurion’s dilemma was the ship’s location and the lack of ample accommodations needed for himself and the crew for the long winter season.

The centurion was under duress to make a CHOICE. “…We must obey God rather than men…” (Acts 5:29 NASB). “…Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths…” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV).

There were good reasons to stay at the incommodious harbor and there were good reasons to go. For instance, it was safer to stay than venture out into potential danger. But there would be more conveniences and comforts to go to another harbor than take a chance with incommodious necessities.

When your decisions get hard; when your back is up against the wall; when the rubber meets the road; when you feel pressured; when you are under duress: FOLLOW GOD. “…In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths…” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV).

When CHOICES come under pressure whatever TRUTH truly guides your behavior will persuade your decision. “…the centurion was more persuaded by the pilot and the captain of the ship than by what was being said by Paul…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). “…There is a way that seemeth (appear) right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death….” (Proverbs 16:25 KJV). “…obey God rather than men…” (Acts 5:29 NASB).

At the advice of the human expert - that guided the centurion’s decision - the SHIP left the harbor. “…the centurion was more persuaded by the pilot and the captain of the ship …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). AND “ …Because the harbor was not suitable for wintering, the majority reached a decision to put out to sea from there, if somehow they could reach Phoenix, a harbor of Crete, facing southwest and northwest, and spend the winter there…” (Acts 27:13 NASB).

The Centurion was not only persuaded by the experts, but the majority of the crew wanted to move to another more convenient harbor too. “… the majority reached a decision to put out to sea from there, if somehow they could reach … a harbor of Crete…” (Acts 27:12 NASB).  “… what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25 NASB).

When the human experts are supporting your decision and the majority agrees it’s the path to take doesn’t MEAN it’s the right one. “…There is a way that seemeth (appear) right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death….” (Proverbs 16:25 KJV). “…obey God rather than men…” (Acts 5:29 NASB).

A hard CHOICE is the challenging moment when a true believer can CHOOSE to “…Walk by faith...” (2 Corinthians 5:7 KJV). “…HOPE … that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? (Romans 8:24 KJV).  . “…Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? HOPE (expect from) IN GOD: for I shall yet praise him …” (Psalms 43:5, 42:5, 11 KJV).

There are times when human experts are right on point and the majority is necessary for support. “…Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances…” (Proverbs 14:11 MSG). “…Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory…” (Proverbs 14:11 NASB).

However, when facing uncertainty in decision-making, no expert or majority can DIRECT your path like GOD. “…The steps of a good man are ordered (directed) by the Lord: …” (Psalms 37:23 KJV).“…In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV).

“… the Lord your God … teaches you what is best for you, [and]…directs you in the way you should go.” (Isaiah 48:17).  “…Thus says the Lord that delivered you, the Holy One of Israel; I am your God, I have shown you how you should find the way in which you should walk…” (Isaiah 48:17). “I will instruct you and guide you in the way you should go; I will fix My eyes upon You…” (Psalm 32:8).

A God-given expert or a God-ordained majority will advise and help you to follow God. “…AND HE GAVE SOME, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and TEACHERS…” (Ephesians 4:10-13 KJV). “…in … [the] … abundance of counselors there is victory…” (Proverbs 14:11 NASB). “…The HOLY SPIRIT DISPLAYS God’s power THROUGH each of ... [the God-ordain experts or majority] … as a means of HELPING the entire church.… (1 Corinthians 12:4-11 NLT).

The WAYS you have done things for years and years become your EXPERTISE in decision-making and usually you are fully PERSUADED it is the RIGHT way. “…There is a way that seemeth (appear) right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death….” (Proverbs 16:25 KJV).

DECISIONS or CHOICES can set our life on a course that will LEAD to the LIFE or DEATH of situations or circumstances. God advises you to ALWAYS choose the way of LIFE. “…Choose you this day whom ye will serve….” (Joshua 24:15 KJV). “…choose LIFE…” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV). “…The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who CHOOSE that way. …” (Matthew 7:13-14 NLT).  “… I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore [YOU] … choose life…” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV). “….THE WORDS that I speak unto you … they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV).

CHOOSING the way God directs will OFTEN come up against your expert WAYS of having done things for years and years. “…the centurion was more persuaded …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). AND “ … the majority reached a decision …” (Acts 27:13 NASB).

You know your WAYS have worked over and over and you are FULLY persuaded they will continue to work. “…my people would not listen to me. They kept doing whatever they wanted, following the stubborn desires of their evil hearts…” (Jeremiah 7:24 NLT). “…the centurion was more persuaded … [by himself, the human experts, and the majority] …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).

However, when FACING uncertainty it is God’s WAYS that “WILL” work and have worked for centuries and centuries. “…GOD IS GREATER THAN WE CAN UNDERSTAND.  His years cannot be counted…” (Job 36:26 NLT). “O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how UNSEARCHABLE are his judgments, and his ways PAST FINDING OUT! For who hath known the mind of the Lord? Or who hath been his counsellor?” (Romans 11:33-34 KJV). “… [My]… thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways…..as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than you ways and my thoughts than your thoughts…” (Isaiah 55:8-9 ASV). “…..be not afraid….only believe…” (Mark 5:36 KJV). 

The true believer is FULLY persuaded that God’s WAYS will continue to work. “…I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day…” (2 Timothy 1:12 KJV).  

The believer will CHOOSE to commit and surrender TRUST to God. “…Trust in the Lord with all thine heart…” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV). “…The LORD will accomplish … [take care of]… that which concerns [you]…” (Psalms 138:8 NASB).

The TRUSTING believer will put their life WHOLEHEARTEDLY into God’s CARE. “…He (Jesus)… [completely]… entrusted himself to him who judges justly…” (1 Peter 2:19-23 NIV).

The PROBLEM with CHOOSING the “seeming” expert WAY you have depended upon and trusted in for years OVER God’s WAY is that it is NOW the WAY of death. “…There is a way that seemeth (appear) right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death….” (Proverbs 16:25 KJV).

“… I have set before you life and death … therefore … choose life…” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV). “….THE WORDS that I speak unto you … they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV).

Some people are fully PERSUADED their WAY over God’s WAY is the RIGHT way. “…There is a way that seemeth (appear) right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death….” (Proverbs 16:25 KJV).

“…the centurion was more persuaded … [by himself, the human experts, and the majority] …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). “…Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it BRINGETH FORTH SIN: and sin, when it is finished, BRINGETH FORTH DEATH…” (James 1:13-15 NLT). “… Everyone who sins is breaking God’s law….” (1 John 3:4 NLT). “…sin is the transgression of the law….” (1 John 3:4 KJV). “…the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23 KJV).

Once a CHOICE or DECISION is made your life sets sail in that direction and usually there is NO going back. “… they weighed anchor and began sailing along Crete…” (Acts 27:13 NASB). “…Choose you this day whom ye will serve….” (Joshua 24:15 KJV). “…The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who CHOOSE that way. …” (Matthew 7:13-14 NLT).

There is a POINT of “NO” return on MOST personal CHOICES or DECISIONS. “… Paul stood up in their midst and said, “Men, you ought to have followed my advice and not to have set sail from Crete and incurred this damage and loss…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).

“…the centurion was more persuaded … [by himself, the human experts, and the majority] …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). “… they  … began sailing along Crete…” (Acts 27:13 NASB). Some CHOICES and DECISIONS made OVER God’s choices and decisions will initially, for a season, “APPEAR” as if you are sailing along smoothly in the right direction. “…Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily …the HEART of the sons of men is fully set in them to [continue to]… do evil….” (Ecclesiastes 8:11 KJV).

You may control the CHOICES and DECISIONS of your small corner of the world, but God is SOVEREIGN over the CHOICES and DECISIONS of his WORLD. “…Everything I PLAN will come to pass, for I DO whatever I WISH…” (Isaiah 46: 9-10 NLT).  “…The earth is the Lord's, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein…” (Psalm 24:1 KJV). “…No one can hold back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?” (Daniel 4 NLT). “Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him” (Psalms 115:3 NIV).

“…the centurion was more persuaded … [by himself, the human experts, and the majority] …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). “… they  … began sailing along Crete…” (Acts 27:13 NASB). “…. before very long there rushed down from the land a violent wind, called Euraquilo; and when the ship was caught in it and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB).

King Nebuchadnezzar did NOT heed God’s WORD either and continued in his OWN, persuaded way. “… Your Majesty, be pleased to accept my advice: Renounce your sins by doing what is right…” (Daniel 4 NLT).

Nebuchadnezzar ignored the opportunity to CHOOSE God’s WAY OVER his OWN way. A year later he still had NOT listen to God.“….Twelve months later, as the king was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, he said, “Is not this the great Babylon “I” have built as the royal residence, by “my” mighty power and for the glory of “my” majesty?”  (Daniel 4 NLT).

Like Nebuchadnezzar many of God’s people are NOT listening to him. “…But my people would not listen to me. They kept doing whatever they wanted, following the stubborn desires of their evil hearts…” (Jeremiah 7:24 NLT).

King Nebuchadnezzar sailed along his OWN way “seemingly” peaceful and smooth. However, twelve months later, “… a voice came from heaven, “This is what is decreed for you, King Nebuchadnezzar: Your royal authority has been taken from you. You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox…”  (Danial 4 NLT).

Nebuchadnezzar’s CHOICE to set sail in his OWN expert WAY had no CONTROL over the EVENTS that followed. “…He (Nebuchadnezzar) was driven away from people and ate grass like the ox. His body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird….” (Daniel 4 NLT). 

The King hadn’t listened to the expert WORD of God. God gives man a human will to make choices and decisions. “…They kept doing whatever they wanted, following the stubborn desires of their evil hearts…” (Jeremiah 7:24 NLT).

However, God can GIVE or TAKE AWAY the situations and circumstances in which you make those choices and decisions. “…The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away…” Job 1:20-22 NASB).

When Nebuchadnezzar’s prideful choices and decisions came up against uncontrollable EVENTS he recognized that ONLY God truly “…does whatever pleases HIM…” (Psalms 115:3 NIV).

“…At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.

All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?”

Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride (self-will) he is able to humble…” (Daniel 4 NIV).

Nebuchadnezzar’s expert and prideful WAY of making CHOICES and DECISIONS gave WAY to God’s WAY. He said: “….And those who walk in pride (human choice made by human expertise) HE IS ABLE to humble…  NO ONE can hold back his hand…” (Daniel 4 NIV).

Nebuchadnezzar’s story gives credence to CHOOSING life or CHOOSING God’s EXPERT WAYS OVER your OWN. The lesson is clear: “…If the Lord will, [YOU] shall live, and do this, or that...” (James 4:16 KJV).  “….HE IS ABLE to humble (YOU)… [and]...NO ONE can hold back his hand…” (Daniel 4 NIV). “…NOW UNTO HIM THAT IS ABLE to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us…” (Ephesians 3:20 KJV).

Nebuchadnezzar was warned through a prophetic and “expert” word from God to DO RIGHT, but he did not LISTEN. “… Your Majesty, be pleased to accept my advice: Renounce your sins by doing what is right, and your wickedness by being kind to the oppressed. It may be that then your prosperity will continue…” (Daniel 4 NLT).

Many of God’s people today are NOT listening to the expert Word of God or to God’s anointed leaders, but eventually their choices and decisions will become OBVIOUS. “…whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap….” (Galatians 6:7 KJV). “….For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption…” (Galatians 6:8 KJV).

“…my people would not listen to me. They kept doing whatever they wanted, following the stubborn desires of their evil hearts. They went backward instead of forward” (Jeremiah 7:24 NLT).

“But the people replied, “Don’t waste your breath. We will continue to live as we want to, stubbornly following our own evil desires” (JEREMIAH 18:12 NLT).

God’s expert WORD IS POWERFUL and WHATEVER he says “WILL” definitely come to pass! “…And in the PROCESS of time IT CAME TO PASS…” (Genesis 4:3 KJV).  “….HE IS ABLE… [and]…NO ONE can hold back his hand…” (Daniel 4 NIV). “…the things which are impossible with men are possible with God…” (Luke 18:27 KJV).  “….I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27 KJV). “…NOW UNTO HIM THAT IS ABLE to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us…” (Ephesians 3:20 KJV).

“…Paul began to admonish them, and said to them, “Men, I perceive that the voyage will certainly be with damage and great loss, not only of the cargo and the ship, but also of our lives.” …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).

“…. before very long there rushed down from the land a violent wind, called Euraquilo; and when the ship was caught in it and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB).

When it came to making CHOICES and DECISIONS Jesus left the believer an example to follow. “…not My will, but Yours be done…" (Luke 22:42-43 NIV). ). Jesus came to do God’s will. “…I seek NOT mine own will…” and submitted to His will. “…but THE WILL of the Father which hath sent me...” (John 6:38 KJV).  “…For I have come down from heaven NOT TO DO MY WILL BUT to do THE WILL of him who sent me…” (John 6:38 NIV).

Jesus could make choices and decisions too. Like YOU and many believer’s today; he did not have to follow God’s DIRECTIONS. However, Jesus said, “… I lay down my life... No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. …” (John 10:17-18 KJV).

“….the ship was caught in … [the Euraquilo] … and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB). “… Paul stood up in their midst and said, “Men, you ought to have followed my advice and not to have set sail from Crete and incurred this damage and loss…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).

Apostle Paul, God’s mouthpiece, had delivered the message to Julius, but he did NOT heed God’s warning. “… Paul stood up in their midst and said, “Men, you ought to have followed my advice …” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB). “…The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is WIDE for the many who choose that way. But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it…” (Matthew 7:13-14 NLT).  “ … Paul … said “ … you ought to have followed my advice …” (Acts 27:21 NASB).

To their benefit Apostle Paul, God’s righteous servant was among them. God will SAVE and BLESS a WHOLE household or country for his RIGHTEOUS ONES! “…The Lord was with Joseph … the Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the Lord was on all that he had in the house and in the field …” (Genesis 39:2-6 NLT).

“…Then the men turned away from there and went toward Sodom, while Abraham was still standing before the Lord. Abraham came near and said, “Will You indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked? Then he said, “Oh may the Lord not be angry, and I shall speak only this once; suppose ten are found there?” And He said, “I will not destroy it on account of the ten...” (Genesis 18:22-32 NASB).

God was MERCIFUL when the centurion and the seamen’s CHOICES and DECISIONS led them into the WHIRLWINDS of LIFE. His LOVING, AMAZING GRACES sent another expert WORD through Apostle Paul “…Yet now I urge you to keep up your courage, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship. For this very night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood before me, saying, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul; you must stand before Caesar; and behold, God has granted you all those who are sailing with you.’ Therefore, keep up your courage, men, for I believe God that it will turn out exactly as I have been told…” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB).

Some of your own CHOICES and DECISIONS have you going through one of the WORST storms of your life, but there is HOPE. “….Don't put your confidence in … people (not even yourself); there is no help for you there….” (Psalms 146: 3 NLT). “…Don’t trust anyone—… I look to the Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me. … For though I fall, I will rise again. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light…” (Micah 7:5-8 NLT). “…To You [GOD]… they cried out and were delivered; In You they trusted and WERE NOT DISAPPOINTED ... (PSALMS 22:5 NASB).

Sometimes the ONLY CHOICE you have or the DECISION you can make is to surrender “TRUST” in God. “…Trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart…” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV). “… [entrust yourself]… to him who judges justly…” (1 Peter 2:19-23 NIV). DEPEND totally on HIM.

A DEPENDENT is someone who RELIES on another for some kind of support assistance, or supply. The support, assistance, or supplies are necessary.

The dependent can no longer rely on their own strength to meet their own needs. A dependent has to rely on the voluntary and willful assistant of some else’s benevolence.

A dependent, therefore, is NOT self-sustaining and is at the mercy of another. A dependent’s ability to survive is determined, contingent upon, or controlled by another. A dependent is no longer autonomous.

An autonomous person believes they do not need assistance, support, or anyone to help them. An autonomous person relies on themselves, but a dependent relies on another.

ALL SEAMEN became DEPENDENTS on God. Paul said: “…I urge you to keep up your courage, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship. …I believe God that it will turn out exactly as I have been told…” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB).

“… [The seamen could NOW] … do all things THROUGH Christ which strengtheneth [them]…” (Philippians 4:13 KJV). “….Apart from Me (JESUS) … [they could]… do nothing…” (John 15:5 NIV). “….And so it happened that they all were brought safely to land…” (Acts 27:44 NASB).

Whenever you find yourself in a storm because of your OWN CHOICES or DECISIONS, boldly CALL on God’s GRACE. “… Come boldly unto the throne of GRACE, that we may obtain mercy, and find GRACE to help in time of need…” (Hebrews 4:16 KJV). “…God is able to make all GRACE abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things…” (2 Corinthians 8:9 KJV).

The seamen did everything to hold onto their SHIP. “…They used supporting cables in undergirding the ship …they let down the sea anchor  … they began to jettison the cargo; and on the third day they threw the ship’s tackle overboard with their own hands..…” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). 

They were DEPENDENT upon the SHIP and their expertise to get them to their destiny SAFELY. The SHIP and their expertise “proved” to be UNRELIABLE. “….the ship was caught in it and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB). “…They lost all control of the ship…” (Acts 27:15 MSG).

The seamen’s CHOICE and DECISION took them to a DARK place. “…neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small storm was assailing us …” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). Their expert knowledge, experience, and skills were USELESS. “…from then on all hope of our being saved was gradually abandoned.…” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB).

CHOICES and DECISIONS made apart from God will end up KILLING something. There will be LOSS and DEATH. “….THE WORDS that I speak unto you … they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV). “… I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore [YOU] … choose life…” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV).

“…Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust (desires, wants, choices, etc.) and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it BRINGETH FORTH SIN: and sin, when it is finished, BRINGETH FORTH DEATH…” (James 1:13-15 NLT). “…There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death...” (Proverbs  14:20 KJV).

The seamen’s HOPE died. “…from then on all hope of our being saved was gradually abandoned (gone or dead).…” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). They LOST cargo. . “…they began to jettison the cargo (provisions)…” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB).  They LOST tackle. “…they threw the ship’s tackle (equipment or material goods) overboard with their own hands…” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). They LOST the SHIP. “…They lost all control of the ship…” (Acts 27:15 MSG). They LOST control. “….we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB).

There is a PRICE to be PAID when CHOOSING DEATH over LIFE. “….THE WORDS that I speak unto you … they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV). “… I have set before you life and death … choose life…” (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV).

In the Old Testament the Israelites paid a price for CHOOSING their WAY over God’s WAY. “… Now it shall be, if you diligently obey the Lord your God, being careful to do all His commandments which I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the Lord your God: “Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country…   “But it shall come about, if you do not obey the Lord your God, to observe to do all His commandments and His statutes with which I charge you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: “Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the country…” (Deuteronomy 28:1-33 NASB).

Often CHOICES and DECISIONS are made from an individual’s OWN lifelong arsenal of expertise. “…you ignore God’s law and substitute your own tradition’…” (Mark 7:6-8 NLT).  “…You skillfully ….hold on to YOUR OWN tradition...” (Mark 7:9 NLT). “…they have stubbornly followed THEIR OWN desires…” (JERMIAH 9:14 NLT).

They are determined to HOLD onto an experienced LIFE in which they have found autonomously CONTROL over their OWN material comforts, provisional conveniences, and routine normality’s. “…They used supporting cables in undergirding the ship …they let down the sea anchor  …” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). 

Material comforts, provisional conveniences, and routine normality’s may be counted as controlled blessings until an individual’s CHOICES or DECISIONS turned them into burdens. “…You suffered along with those who were thrown into jail…” (Hebrews 10:34 NLT).

The time may come when storms forcibly TAKE AWAY material comforts, provisional conveniences, and routine normality’s and you joyfully let them GO for your safety. “…and when all you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. …” (Hebrews 10:34 NLT).

The CHOICES and DECISIONS made to sustain and maintain an individual’s material comforts, provisional conveniences, and routine normality’s may spin out of control causing pain instead of pleasure. “…. there is a grievous evil which I have seen … riches (resources) being hoarded (saved) by their owner to his hurt…” (Ecclesiastes 5:13 NASB).

However, material comforts, provisional conveniences, and routine normality’s may be readily relinquished under overwhelming duress. “… they began to jettison the cargo (material comforts); and on the third day they threw the ship’s tackle (provisional conveniences) overboard with their own hands…” (ACTS  (27:14-19 NASB). “….we gave way to it (routine normality’s) and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB).

Independent CHOICES and DECISIONS can eventually turn into surrendered, dependent TRUST in the SOVEREIGN God. “ … Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride (autonomy) he is able to humble…” (Daniel 4 NIV). “…And so it happened that they all were brought safely to land…” (Acts 27:44 NASB).

A BAD CHOICE or DECISION that lead to a VIOLENT STORM will utterly challenge hope and shipwreck autonomy. “…all hope of our being saved was gradually abandoned …” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). “….we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB).

When hope is challenged and autonomy is shipwrecked bad choices and decisions plunge an individual into deadly darkness. “…neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small storm was assailing us …” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB).

When bad choices and decisions plunge you into deadly darkness CONTROL and AUTONOMY is USELESS and INEFFECTUAL. “….we gave way to it and let ourselves be driven along…” (Acts 27:15 NASB).

Material comforts, provisional conveniences, and routine normality’s are meaningless in the STORMS of LIFE. “…all hope of our being saved was gradually abandoned …” (ACTS 27:14-19 NASB). “… they began to jettison the cargo (material comforts); and on the third day they threw the ship’s tackle (provisional convenciens) overboard with their own hands…” (ACTS  (27:14-19 NASB). “…They lost all control of the ship…” (Acts 27:15 MSG).

It was God’s  “expert” WORDS out of Paul’s mouth that RESTORED hope. “…I urge you to keep up your courage, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship …” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB).

Apostle Paul was persuaded that God would SAVE him and all the other seamen. “…I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day…” (2 Timothy 1:12 KJV).  “…keep up your courage, men, for I believe God that it will turn out exactly as I have been told…” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB). “…‘Do not be afraid, Paul … God has granted you all those who are sailing with you…” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB). “… All of us in the ship were two hundred and seventy-six persons…” (Acts 27:35 NASB). God, the ULTIMATE expert said: “…there will be no loss of life …” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB). “… And so it happened (as the expert said it would) that they all were brought safely to land…” (Acts 27:44 NASB).

God SAVED the WHOLE SHIP because of righteous Paul. “…The Lord was with Joseph … the Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the Lord was on all that he had in the house and in the field …” (Genesis 39:2-6 NLT).

“…Then the men turned away from there and went toward Sodom, while Abraham was still standing before the Lord. Abraham came near and said, “Will You indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked? Then he said, “Oh may the Lord not be angry, and I shall speak only this once; suppose ten are found there?” And He said, “I will not destroy it on account of the ten...” (Genesis 18:22-32 NASB).

When you are persuaded by human expertise, alone, to make CHOICES and DECISIONS it could easily lull you into a stormy path or a false sense of security; GOD’s AMAZING and EXPERT Word is your ULTIMATE guide. “…there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship …” (Acts 27:22-25 NASB). “… All of us in the ship were two hundred and seventy-six persons…” (Acts 27:35 NASB). “…And … they all were brought safely to land…” (Acts 27:44 NASB).

“…NOT that we are sufficient OF OURSELVES to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God…” (2 Corinthians 3:5 KJV). “…I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day…” (2 Timothy 1:12 KJV).  

“…the centurion was more persuaded by the pilot and the captain of the ship than by what was being said by Paul…” (Acts 27:9-21 NASB).  It is DANGEROUS to allow your CHOICES and DECISIONS to be persuaded by human expertise ALONE.

“… choose LIFE …” instead (Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV). “…Choose you this day whom ye will serve….” (Joshua 24:15 KJV). “…The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who CHOOSE that way. …” (Matthew 7:13-14 NLT).“….THE WORDS that … [God has spoken to you through Jesus] … they are LIFE…” (John 6:63 KJV).  “… By them Your servant is warned …” (Psalm 19:7-11 NASB).

“…I .. am persuaded that he is able …” (2 Timothy 1:12 KJV).  

Dr. Pensacola H. Jefferson

Professional Pastoral Counselor

YADA Counseling Ministry

THE MOUTHPIECE FOR HIS HEART

TRANSFORMING INTIMACY:THE "PERFECT" BOND FOR UNITY

                           

THE PERFECT BOND

   GOD, THE GREAT CAREGIVER, Part 1

“…that they might KNOW…..the only true God and Jesus Christ…” (John 17:3)

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The caregiver relationship(s) are the first encounters with attachment and intimacy a new born will experience. At this very tender age an infant will begin to be shaped, influenced, and formed for future intimate relationships where bonding is meant to take place and one human is able to unite with another.  

An infant’s perspective about love (which is meant to be the perfect bond of unity between humans) starts to take shape the moment he or she “draws a response,” for the first time; from their caregiver(s). “...clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony...” (COLOSSIANS 3:14).

The initial attachment between infant and caregiver(s) becomes the template for attachment, for the infant, throughout its lifespan. “…In this world we are like Jesus…” (1 John 4:17 NIV). "…Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven…” (Matthew 5:16 NASB).

This template for attachment will remain a learned way he or she has been taught to be intimate with others. So human caregivers; “...Be … imitators of [Jesus]…” (Hebrews 12:14; Ephesians 5:1 ASV). “… growing in every way more and more like Christ…” (Ephesians 4:14-16 NLT). “...The lord (Jesus) is GOOD…there is none good but one, that is, God (the Holy Spirit)...” (Nahum 1:7 & Mark 10:18 KJV).

Another important fact to know about the infant and caregiver attachment relationship is that it will demonstrate mutuality. “…A new commandment I give unto you, That ye LOVE ONE ANOTHER; AS I HAVE LOVED YOU, that ye also love one another…” (John 13:34 KJV

Mutuality is attachment in action, where infant and caregiver(s) equally contribute to the intimate relationship through the “draw a response” and “react to stimuli” behaviors. "…In everything, therefore, TREAT people the same way you want them to TREAT you…” (Matthew 7:12 NASB).

As mentioned in the previous chapter, a baby is born with God-given attachment abilities to both draw a respond from their caregivers and to react to their caregiver’s stimuli.   

These “draw and react” attachment abilities enable infants to elicit loving care, from their caregivers and react to that love as well. “...Call to Me...” (Jeremiah 33:3 NASB). “...He (she can) call on me...” (Psalm 91:15 NASB).

Ideally, the caregiver(s) lovingly meets and provides for the infant’s needs as a demonstration of their commitment to the intimate relationship between them. “...I will answer you...” (Jeremiah 33:3 NASB). “...I will answer him(her and) will be with him(her) in trouble...” (Psalm 91:15 NASB).

In order for a loving, intimate attachment to take place, both the infant and the caregiver(s), preferably, contribute to interactions that strengthen and reinforce this powerful, intangible bond of unity between them. “...Call to Me and I will answer you...” (Jeremiah 33:3 NASB). “...He (she) call on me and I will answer him(her) will be with him (her) in trouble...” (Psalm 91:15 NASB)

The infant and caregiver(s) have different roles in the attachment process, but both roles are equally important in order for the bonding process to actually take place. “… I am the vine, you are the branches…” (John 15:4-6 NASB)

The caregiver, however, has the responsibility of knowing and paying attention to the infant’s need, especially when he or she “draws a response” from them. “…God is the one who provides …” (2 Corinthians 9:10-13 KJV). ”... ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you...” (John 15:7 KJV). “…I will supply all your NEED…” (John 12:32 KJV). “…God will generously PROVIDE all you need…” (2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT).

Mutuality in this phase is where the infant simply draws a response and the caregiver responds. The infant draws a response by making vocal sounds, showing emotions, or through body language. “…You can ask for anything ...Yes, ask me for anything ...” (John 14:12-14 NLT).

The caregiver(s) responds through calming, soothing, comforting, or touching behaviors. “.... and I will do it...” (John 14:12-14 NLT).

The caregiver(s) communicates to the infant that it’s okay to have needs and those needs are important. Need is an intimacy building block. “…I will supply all your NEED…” (John 12:32 KJV).

The caregiver joyfully and lovingly meets the infant’s needs. “…God will generously PROVIDE all you need…” (2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT).

It “feels good” (oxytocin released in the brain) to be needed. The infant's needs gives the caregiver purpose and makes them “feel good” too (oxytocin released) to be able to meet the needs of the infant.

Need is an intimacy building block of attachment. “...Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom...” (Luke 12:32 NASB). “...it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom...” (Luke 12:32 NLT).

Eventually, as the infant develops, the caregiver(s) begins to gently and lovingly teach the infant how to regulate some of their own internal needs.

The caregiver helps the infant regulate internal needs as a way to prepare them to self-regulate, when necessary, in the future. “… grow in the GRACE and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…” (2 Timothy 3:18 NIV).

The purpose of teaching an infant to self-regulate “some” of their own internal needs is to teach them aspects of healthy, emotional and physical care.

The purpose of having healthy, emotional and physical care is so they will not become overly needy or out of balance in their dependence upon others to always meet their every need. “...love your neighbor AS yourself...” (Matthew 22:39 NLT). "…In everything, therefore, TREAT people the same way you want them to TREAT you…” (Matthew 7:12 NASB). “...love others AS WELL as you love yourself...” (Matthew 22:39 MSG).

The caregiver(s) wants the infant to know ALL their internal, emotional and physical needs are important.  Therefore, by teaching the infant to self-regulate, he or she will learn to pay attention to their own personal needs as well as learn to know and ask when they need help.

In addition, the infant will learn to trust another person to help them meet those needs when they ask or at least, show empathy and understanding when they are trying to meet those needs themselves. “…All men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another…" (John 13:35 NASB). “... …Beloved, let us love one another…” (1 John 4:4-8 KJV). “...love others AS WELL as you love yourself...” (Matthew 22:39 MSG).“… LOVE ONE ANOTHER; AS I HAVE LOVED YOU…” (John 13:34 KJV).

“…Owe no man (woman) any thing, BUT TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER…” (Romans 13:8 KJV). “…For all the law (of God) is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt LOVE THEY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF….” (Galatians 5:14 KJV). “...If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt LOVE THEY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF, ye do well…” (James 2:8 KJV). “…Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR AS THYSELF. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets…” (Matthew 22:36-40 KJV).

“…In this world we are LIKE JESUS…” (1 John 4:17 NIV).

Examples of self-regulation include: knowing when they are hunger, knowing when they have to go to the bathroom, expressing when they are full or sleepy, etc.  

When the caregiver (s) meets the needs of the infant it teaches them their needs are important or significant and SOMEBODY CARES. “...He careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV). “…God..[the holy spirit]... is the one who provides …” (2 Corinthians 9:10-13 KJV).

Therefore, the infant learns “LOVE” will meet my needs. They can trust “LOVE” to empathize and understand their needs within the safety of an intimate, attachment relationship where mutuality exists. “…The LORD “WILL” accomplish (take care of)…that which concerns [you]…” (John 14:31 NASB).

Meeting another person’s needs, with compassion and empathy, is the deepest expression of love. Need builds intimacy between two people. Our most neglected needs are usually our emotional needs.

However, our physical needs usually get the most attention, whether from food, sex, exercise, or whatever.  Many physical attachments make you “feel good”, mainly from the hormone, oxytocin, and not necessarily from a true emotional attachment.

When oxytocin is released during an exchange of physical interactions only, the “feel good,” “…like an angel of light...” masquerades as a love attachment when, in fact, its not.

 “..For such [attachments] are [like] false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into [love] or…the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness…” (2 Corinthians 11:13-14 KJV).

Therefore, if the caregiver does not meet the infant’s, emotional or physical, needs; the quality of the infant’s attachment skills will be severely reduced. “…I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t…” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).

In addition, if the caregiver does not fully participate in the initial bonding relationship, the attachment will be dysfunctional at best. “…This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me…” (Mark 7:6 KJV).   

And the God-given attachment ability, within the infant, will be highly impaired and the quality of his or her skills, regarding intimacy with others, will be seriously impacted. “…I want to do what is right, but I can’t…” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).

Wherever the caregiver(s) and infant attachment is broken, it will affect intimacy skills, for the infant, from that point, going forward. “…I want to do what is right, but I can’t…” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).

The infant will grow and develop experiencing attachment and intimacy as untrustworthy, undependable, without empathy or compassion, without understanding, with a price tag, and not mutually enriching. “…The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to [the sin nature]…” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).

God-given attachment abilities for the infant, especially in regard to emotional needs, are locked away and are deemed to be unreliable or of no use. An infant that locks away his or her God-given attachment abilities for eliciting love will most likely reject, ignore, distant themselves, become emotionally unavailable or totally unaware of attachment opportunities.

These infants may grow up unable to attach in healthy ways. However, because of the universal sin nature, “most” people may be inept at healthy attachment on some level. “…The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to [the sin nature]. … Who will free me from this life that is dominated by [dysfunction]?” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).

Even the best of parents, can damage the infant and caregiver attachment, especially if they don’t recognize the purpose of the attachment bond for what it was really meant to be.

Human attachments are better between infant and caregiver (s) when God’s standard of love forms the bond. God’s love “….is the perfect bond of unity…” (Colossians 3:15 KJV).

God’s love never fails and will outlast any other lesson the infant will ever learn “...Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled....” (1 Corinthians 13: 8-10 MSG). “...love will last forever!...” (1 Corinthians 13:8 NLT). “...Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love...” (1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT).

If a person is trained, from an infant, to go the path of loving attachments, even when he or she gets old; they won’t depart from it “...Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it...” (Proverbs 22:6 NLT).

If your child is taught the love of God, within the infant and caregiver attachment, “…GREAT shall be [their] peace...” (Isaiah 54:13 KJV).

Children are said to be a heritage or gift from God “...Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him...” (Psalm 127:3 NLT).

We understand “...every good gift, and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights….” (James 1:17 KJV). Too often we see reasons for having a baby from a very narrow perspective.

People have children for many reasons, such as: to create a family, add to the human race, to save a relationship, to have someone to care for them when they get older, to take away their loneliness, to alleviate boredom, to give their parents grandchildren, to get on welfare or stay on welfare, to have someone to leave their possessions to, its traditional, they like kids, to give purpose to their life, or a number of other reasons.

None of those reasons are bad per se, but it will cause you to raise and train that child, if possibly, for your reasons only and not God’s!

The most important reason a child is gifted to you is to love and be loved. An infant is born ready to fulfil their part in the attachment relationship, but the caregiver may not be ready.

However, the bible teaches Christian parents to “…bring [their children]… up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord...” (Ephesians 6:4). The key phrase here is the “….nurture and admonition……of the LORD...”

It means to train them in the way of love, correction, and discipline and for the same reason God does his children; holiness. Remember, God disciplines his children so “…that [they] might be partakers (participants) of his holiness….” (Hebrews 12:10 KJV).

“...If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters [of God] at all...” (Hebrews 12:8 NIV).

God’s discipline is a nurturing and loving correction. “….For whom the Lord loveth he CORRECTETH……” (Proverbs 3:12 KJV). 

If you are “...blessed [through God’s discipline,]…” (Job 5:17) then your children will be blessed through your discipline. 

Therefore, children are a heritage or gift from God trusted to individuals to nurture them, first of all, through the infant and caregiver attachment. And second, to train them up for holy, loving, and righteous living.

“..Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth...” (Deuteronomy 11:18-19 KJV).

God gifted the infant to the caregiver(s), for two reasons that are rarely or ever emphasized in the pulpit or other literature.  First, the caregiver is given the opportunity to walk in God’s shoes by providing for the needs of the infant; and second the caregiver is given the opportunity to witness how their own needs are to be met and received, by God, through the infant.

The human caregiver has the responsibility for providing for the needs of the infant by: picking the baby up when he or she cries, cuddling them, feeding them, massaging them, kissing them, playing with them, holding or rocking them, singing to them, changing their diaper, talking to them, reading them a story, or taking a nap with them. All these activities take care of the emotional and physical needs of the child while enriching the attachment relationship.

The greater the infant and caregiver attachment, the greater chances the infant will have to experience close, healthy intimate relationships throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. 

When the caregiver(s) recognizes the most important reasons for having a child is to: bond with them through God’s love, “…the perfect bond of unity…” (Colossians 3:14 KJV) and to raise them in the “…nurture and admonition of the LORD” (Ephesians 6:14 KJV); then the “gift” has a higher purpose.

Love is humanity’s most important need and when the caregiver provides a healthy  human bond with the infant it gives them a fair chance to find intimate relationships with others in the future; and most importantly, with God.

Since trust, for meeting one’s personal needs, is developed in healthy intimate human bonds; it has been the most abused.

An infant “draws a response” from the caregiver, the caregiver will either respond or not respond. From the first time, an infant elicits the caregiver for a love response, trust either awakens or trust remains asleep.

If a trusting bond never takes place between the infant and caregiver, the long-term affect will be devastating for the infant.

The infant is totally dependent on the caregiver(s) for EVERYTHING, especially love. The lack or level of love behaviors, provided by the caregiver, will profoundly impact the infant’s experiences with intimate relationships for the rest of the lives.

I believe a child must attach to something and even if it’s dysfunctional, an enduring, although impaired, intimacy binds the infant with the caregiver.

The caregiver’s role, good or bad, creates an attachment in which the infant emerges with patterns of “learned” bonding skills that are either wholesome or damaging to their well-being.

Regardless, of how the infant emerges, their initial attachment skills were totally influenced by their caregiver(s).

Poor attachment skills are linked to many behavioral problems, illnesses, suicides, identity crises, abuses, generational predispositions, repeated relationship issues, etc.

The bigger problem is not necessarily “IF” the infant is attached to the caregiver, but is the attachment healthy or unhealthy?

Infants experiencing unhealthy attachments with caregivers may eventually find intimate relationships unpleasant or consider them unsafe or undesirable.

If the caregiver’s foundation for love attachments is impaired, so will the infant’s love attachments be impaired. Dysfunctional love attachments, for the infant, will follow unless there is a miraculous intervention.

The more dysfunctional the attachment, between infant and caregiver, the more dysfunctional intimate attachments, for the infant, will be in the future.

The bible says, “…ye must be born again...” (John 3:7).  God said you “must” be born again and thus start life as if it’s just beginning. God wants you to live as the “…new creation...” you have become in Christ (1 Corinthians 5:17).

You have a new nature now and have become an entirely different person. God provided this new birth through his Son and it has totally changed EVERYTHING about you through the power of his indwelling Holy Spirit. “…The (indwelling) Holy Spirit gives birth to SPIRITUAL LIFE …” (John 3:6 NLT). “…The (indwelling) Spirit of God dwell in you…” (Romans 8:9 KJV).

“…If any man (woman) be in Christ, he(she) is a NEW CREATURE …” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). “… [New creations]… are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works …” (Ephesians 2:10 KJV).

As a new creation, you “…become as little children…” (Matthew 18:3 KJV). Children, during infancy, have the ability to “draw a response” from their caregiver (s) and “react to their stimuli.”

The infant, therefore, uses their God-given attachment abilities to get their needs met by drawing the caregiver’s response.

God purposely send infants into the world with “needs” and hardwires them to elicit for those needs from their caregiver. Therefore, the infant will “need and depend” on the caregiver to respond to them.

The infant has “needs” that spring from a primary “need” for loving care. Needs are something that is required or essential.

Further, what is required or essential, for the infant, is “dependent” upon the caregiver. In other words, the infant is dependent, helpless, and at the mercy of the caregiver to survive. 

Caregivers have the role of meeting the needs of the infant and are to represent a reliable source, to the infant, for getting those needs met.

A Godly caregiver recognizes the child as a gift and will allow God to “…worketh in [them]… to both will and to do of his good pleasure...” (Philippians 2:13 KJV).

God designed the infant and caregiver(s) to attach to one another in a mutual exchange of bonding behaviors that release the hormone, oxytocin and causes them to “feel good” within the intimate relationship they share.

It seems as if God wanted intimate relationships to “feel good” and be one of the motivations for desiring bonding experiences.

This “feel good” attachment enriches, reinforces, and heightens the intangible and powerful love bond.

Christians understand that God’s love is an essential part of a”… perfect bond…” of attachment (Colossians 3:14).

God’s love is not like human love, so Christian caregivers will allow God’s kind of love, to empower them, in the attachment relationship with the infant. The bible tells us, “…A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken...” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).  

Since God’s love is the most powerful BOND available to mankind; it is the primary need for the infant. The caregiver, God’s “vessel of honor”, supplies the infant’s need for a Godly love attachment (2 Timothy 2:21).

When God is included in the infant and caregiver attachment, “…it is not easily broken…” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).

Attachment actually offers the best opportunity to experience a Godly bond within the infant and caregiver’s intimate relationship. Especially if the caregiver “…put[s] on love, which is the perfect BOND of unity...” (Colossians 3:14 NASB); and, “…[if the caregiver]is joined unto the Lord [and] is one spirit [with him]…” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV).

In order to include God in the attachment relationship, between infant and caregiver; the caregiver must, first, be joined to God. “...But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit...” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV).  

“…God is love…” (1 John 4:8 KJV).  According to the scriptures, the MARK of one of God’s vessels is that they would “…have love (God’s kind of love) one (caregiver) to another (infant)…” (John 13:35 KJV).

Godly caregivers would make a point of demonstrating a holy love attachment with their infant in “…like manner…”as God has loved them (John 5:19 KJV).

If God’s love is the “…perfect bond of unity…” between the caregiver and God, then the caregiver knows it will be the “…perfect bond…” between their infant and themselves.

God’s love is a higher quality of love. The more the caregiver comes to know God’s kind of love for themselves; the easier it will be to transmit that love to their infant.

The bible says, “...We love, because he first loved us...” (1 John 4:19 ASV). Likewise, in the infant and caregiver attachment, the infant will love, because the caregiver first loves him or her.

It is important to examine how the caregiver’s love should reflect God’s love in the intimate attachment relationship with the infant.  Corinthians chapter thirteen says, “...Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, Love never fails...” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV).  

God’s kind of love is the safest, most secure and protective love we know. It is a reliable source for the caregiver and for the attachment bond with their infant.

Love, the perfect BOND, keeps the caregiver joined to the Lord through the “One Spirit” relationship and empowers them to provide a supply of intimate love to their infant.

The caregiver’s attachment with God will make them feel safe and secure. God’s love is patient and his “…..lovingkindness endureth for ever…” (Psalm 106:1, Psalm 100:5, 1 Chronicles 16:34 KJV). God’s love is kind and “….[he] careth for you… (1 Peter 5:7 KJV).

God’s love is never rude, but gracious. God’s love is not self-seeking, but self-sacrificing (John 3:16).  God’s love is not easily angered , but peaceful. God’s love will NEVER fail or end, but goes on eternally (1 Corinthians 13:8).  

The caregiver’s healthy, intimate, attachment relationship with God will be a template for a healthy, intimate, attachment relationship with their infant.

The role of the caregiver can be learned through God’s role as caregiver to them. As God’s child, the human caregiver is already attached to God, the ultimate caregiver, and is “One Spirit” with him or her (1 Corinthians 6:17).

Therefore, the relationship with God will empower, the caregiver, to be shaped for future intimate relationships where the “...perfect bond of love...” "IS” the attachment.

 If the caregiver is “new creation,” they have been made ready to experience intimate relationships “through” Christ.  HALLELUYAH!!

God, the caregiver, is bonded to human caregivers, through Christ, and they are “One Spirit” with HIM (1 Corinthians 6:17).

The BOND, with God, the Holy Spirit, is the holiest and most loving attachment relationship and it is restored.

God is attached to the human caregiver through HIS “...love...the perfect BOND of unity...” (Colossians 3:14 NASB).  

The human caregiver has a new template for forming intimate attachments from the BOND they share with God through Christ.

The human caregiver and God, the Holy Spirit, are in an intimate relationship, where bonding takes place because “....[they]... are joined unto the Lord [and have become] …one spirit [with him.]” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV).

God, the Caregiver, SETS the standard for INTIMATE that can become bonded with HIS kind of love.