THE
COVENANT RELATIONSHIP #1
YOUR SOURCE FOR ACCEPTANCE and VALIDATION
“…[God]…hath made us accepted in the beloved...” (Ephesians 1:6 KJV).
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Environment acceptance means you are safely welcomed and belong to a particular place, group, family, community, or relationship that “surrounds” you.“…[God]…hath made [EACH OF HIS PEOPLE]... accepted in the beloved...” (Ephesians 1:6 KJV).
In addition environment acceptance to places, groups, families, communities, or relationships that surround you also means you are approved of, or favored, or validated by them."… I chose you….” (John 15:16 ASV). “... [God, the Holy Spirit] ...chose ...[you] ...” (Ephesians 1:11 NLT). “...God ...[chose YOU]... to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth...” (Deuteronomy 7:6). “…The God of our fathers hath chosen [each of HIS people]…” (Acts 22:14 KJV). “….according to [His]... purpose…” (Ephesians 1:11 KJV).“...For [the Lord] blesses the righteous, [or the chosen and surrounds] him (her) with favor as with a shield...” (Psalm 5:12 ASV).
“…be conformed to the image of his Son…” (ROMANS 8:29 KJV). “...Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will...” (Romans 12:2 NIV).
“… [Your heavenly Father] ... will supply all your [need NOW]… according to His riches in glory (or his presence, goodness, & working power) in Christ Jesus…” (Philippians 4:19 NASB). “…your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things…” (Matthew 6:32 KJV).
To CONFORM, in this BLOG will also, mean to behave in ways that REFLECT the dominant standards, attitudes, practices, abuses, mistreatments, shortcomings, etc. of the environments in which you currently exist or previously existed in and surrounded you.
The REASON a person CONFORMS to these dominant standards, attitudes, practices, abuses, mistreatments, shortcomings, etc. is to succeed in getting their NEEDS and human DESIRES met in the environments in which they exist or are surrounded by.
CONFORMING to dominant standards, attitudes, practices, abuses, mistreatments, shortcomings, etc. requires DEVELOPING behavior patterns (healthy or unhealthy), often without question, in order to create peace or harmony within that surrounding environments.
The surrounding environment (includes people, of course) trains the CONFORMED person, inadvertently, to behave in ways they are expected to behave, required to behave, or have been forced to behave.
If the CONFORMED person does NOT behave in ways that are expected, required, or forced upon them, they may be rejected by the surrounding environment.
The CONFORMED person thinks and believes the surrounding environment is the ONLY resource for getting their needs and human desires met, even though they have NEVER experienced it and are merely settling for what they CAN get from the environment.
The CONFORMED person will spend their lives in bad situations (environments) BEHAVING in ways that make them LIVE A LIE. They FEAR being further rejected and/or invalidated more than they do being mistreated, abused, used, or disrespected.
Whenever the CONFORMED person comes into a similar environment like the traditional one in which he or she was raised or trained to behave, they will automatically and unconsciously get into place and begin to comply with the established rules
One of the most prominent REASONS a person CONFORMS to these dominant standards, attitudes, practices, abuses, mistreatments, shortcomings, etc. is to get their NEEDS and human DESIRES for love, acceptance, or validation met.
If the CONFORMED person NEVER gets their NEEDS or HUMAN DESIRES met, within the FIRST environment that surrounded them, they have, most likely developed and learned dysfunctional relationship patterns.
In addition, they will end up repeating those dysfunctional relationship patterns over and over again BECAUSE they’re familiar.
The FIRST environment, that surrounded them, created the dysfunctional relationship pattern, but because the CONFORMED person didn’t get their needs or human desires met they will continue to SEEK them in the SAME kind of environments.
When the CONFORMED person continues to SEEK their needs and human desires in the SAME kind of environments they WILL NEVER be fulfilled. And the negative dysfunctional relationship patterns become deeply fortified or worsen.
Thus, the CONFORMED person REPEATS experiences of feeling UNLOVABLE, UNWORTHY, being treated DISREPECTFULLY and with little or NO attention, because it is, again, what is familiar.
These dysfunctional relationship patterns have, obviously, affected the CONFORMED person in adverse ways. Feeling unloved or unworthy USUALLY stems from experiences or training within earlier surrounding environments.
Some individuals become desperate in their efforts to GAIN what they need or desire from their surrounding environments (whether it’s healthy or not). In some of the worst case scenarios, the CONFORMED person can become extremely sad, depressed, and/or suicidal.
When the CONFORMED person is SAVED they experience God’s accepting love, his willingness to supply their every need, and his total, satisfying validation of them personally. “…God will supply all [your need]…” (Philippians 4:19 NASB). “….Human desire is NEVER SATISFIED…” (Proverbs 27:20 NLT). AND “…[Only God will]… satisfy …” (Jeremiah 31:25 NASB).
God ACCEPTS the CONFORMED person into HIS FAMILY as one of his BELOVED sons or daughters, then God VALIDATES them by demonstrating how much they, personally, matter to him. “… AS MANY as received him, to them GAVE HE POWER TO BECOME THE “SONS” (daughters) OF GOD (children of God)…” (John 1:12 KJV). “... [THEY BELONG TO CHRIST JESUS…” (Ephesians 3:6 NLT).
“… [HIS children,]… enjoy the promise of blessings (provisions) because THEY BELONG TO CHRIST JESUS…” (Ephesians 3:6 NLT). “…Your … [provision] … be upon “Your people!” Selah…” (Psalm 3:8 NASB). “…The LORD “will” … [PROVIDE ] … his people with peace…” (Psalm 29:11 KJV).
“…[they]... are HIS PEOPLE...” (Psalms 100:3 KJV). WHO? “…Those who BELONG TO Christ Jesus …” (Galatians 5 NLT). “…Because [they]... BELONG to him … ” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT). “… [Everyone who belongs, to him through Jesus and] … who believe the Good News share equally in the riches inherited by God’s children. [They]…are [ALL]… part of the same body, and enjoy the promise of … [provisions] … because THEY BELONG TO CHRIST JESUS…” (Ephesians 3:6 NLT).
He CARES for them by listening to them, taking care of their every need, keeping his promises, being faithful in his behaviors toward them, and always being presence, good, and showing his working power. “...[God’s people]... shall call upon [him], and [he]...will answer [them]......” (Psalm 91 KJV). “… He remains faithful, …” (2 Timothy 2:13 NLT). “...He loves the people…” (Deuteronomy 33:3 NASB). “…[Nothing]…will be able to separate [his people] from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord…”(Romans 8:31-39 NASB).
“...[God, the Holy Spirit] careth for [his people].” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV). “…[God, the Holy Spirit]...will supply all [his people’s] NEED…” (John 12:32 KJV). ). “…The LORD “WILL” accomplish (take care of)…that which concerns [HIS people]…” (John 14:31 NASB). “...For [the Lord] blesses the righteous, [and surrounds] him (her) with favor as with a shield...” (Psalm 5:12 ASV).
God wants his people to CONFORM too, but NOT by force this time, but by CHOICE. “...Do not conform [any longer]...to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind....” (Romans 12:2 NIV).
The old CONFORMED person enters into the relationship with God, the Holy Spirit, conformed to a habitual/familiar lifestyle where their behaviors and mindsets continue to make them ACT in ways that have been expected, required, or forced upon them from the worldly environments that surrounded them. “… the whole world lies under the power of the evil one” (1 John 5:19 RSV).
The old CONFORMED person develops his or her habitual/familiar lifestyles, from their “initial” surrounding environments, through EVERYDAY repetition and the strengthening of particular behaviors.
This repetition and strengthening of particular behaviors or mindsets work together with what is called a stimulus and response system. A stimulus is something that happens and DEMANDS attention, in the CONFORMED person’s surrounding environment. A response is the way the CONFORMED person reacted to that stimulus.
The RESPONSE is NOT only the way the CONFORMED person reacted, but it is also the way certain behaviors and mindsets were produced.
For instance if the STIMULUS is blatant rejection and invalidation, The RESPONSE may produce behaviors and mindsets of self-rejection and self-invalidation.
If this stimulus and response dynamic is repeated and strengthened over a LONG period of time, eventually the behaviors and mindsets of self-rejection and self-invalidation become a habitual and familiar lifestyle for the person CONFORMED by it.
The CONFORMED person’s habitual and familiar lifestyle of self-rejection and self-invalidation was, most likely, shaped by spending their formative years in environments that demanded and produced those behaviors and mindsets.
The CONFORMED person watched others, in their surrounding environments, reject and invalidate them, and they modeled the same rejecting and invalidating behaviors and mindsets toward themselves.
The CONFORMED person watched people, for years, in their surrounding environments, reject and invalid them. Long after leaving the environment, they, themselves, continue to model the behavior and mindset of rejecting and invalidating themselves too.
The CONFORMED person became self-rejecting and self-invalidating through a LONG PROCESS, which was a constant part of their normal or daily routine UNTIL it became FAMILIAR.
Self-rejection and self-invalidation was LEARNED and became a habitual/familiar lifestyle that the CONFORMED person finds DIFFICULT to change, as an adult, because those behaviors and that mindset has become NORMAL.
When behaviors and mindsets become NORMAL they can operate unconsciously, because the physical brain also plays a MAJOR ROLE in supporting their continuation.
Without God, the Holy Spirit’s indwelling POWER, despite your best intentions, NEW and IMPROVED behaviors and mindsets are challenging to maintain, especially when dysfunctional lifestyle patterns have impacted you behaviorally (actions), mentally (mindset), and physically (brain) your entire life.
This means when it comes to self-rejection and self-invalidation that habitual/familiar lifestyle has BECOME a BIG part of WHO your are, how you ACT, THINK, and the way your BRAIN is physically WIRED.
Self-rejection and self-invalidation is the NORMAL way you SEE yourself, the way you IDENTIFY yourself, and the way you ALLOW yourself to be treated EVEN if you don’t like it.
Self-rejection and self-invalidation CONTROLS the way you act, think, and allow yourself to be treated, “UNTIL” you choose to become FREE from it. Jesus Christ SETS you FREE, which means ALL dysfunctional patterns CAN be broken.
First, you BECOME a NEW CREATION in Jesus Christ, who makes you WHOLE and HEALTHY again by changing your IDENTITY. “...Therefore if any man(woman) be in Christ, he(she) is a NEW CREATURE: old things are passed away; behold, ALL THINGS ARE BECOME (MADE) NEW…” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). “... AS MANY as received him (Jesus, into their hearts), to them GAVE HE [God, the Holy] ... POWER TO BECOME THE SONS OF GOD…” (John 1:12 KJV). “... In him (Jesus) we (his people) live (have spiritual life), and move (produce spiritual fruit), and have [their] being (spiritual identity as a new creations) ...[They]... are ... his offspring...” (Acts 17:28 KJV).
Second, you CHOOSE to RENEW your mindset so it AGREES with your NEW IDENTITY. “…Be transformed by the renewing of your mind….” (Romans 12:2 KJV). “...the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image [and likeness]... of the One who created him...” (Colossian 3:10 NASB). “… We all … are changed (transformed, RENEWED) into the same image [of Christ] from glory to glory …” (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV).
Third, God, the Holy Spirit, has DONE the HEALING through Jesus and your goal is to trust and depend upon his “finished” work by devoting yourself to studying HIS WORD and exercising your God-given FAITH. “…Jesus Christ maketh thee whole …” (Acts 9:34 KJV). “…God (the Holy Spirit) ... Himself SANCTIFY you entirely…” (1 Thessalonians 5:23 NASB). “…[HIS indwelling Holy]... Spirit and [your]... soul and body be preserved [together]... complete…” (1 Thessalonians 5:23 NASB). “…alive with Christ…” (Colossians 2:13 NIV). “…A living (Spirit)soul (soul again)…” (GENESIS 2:7 KJV). “…GROW to maturity…” (2 Corinthians 13:11 NLT). “…until Christ be formed in you…” (Galatians 4:19 KJV).
Fourth, your focus is NO LONGER trying to get your need or human desire for acceptance or validation from outside resources. You have been MADE WHOLE. Now your GOAL is to be like Jesus and be CONFORMED, by choice, to “HIS IMAGE.” "... [Jesus, his Word]... said, IT IS FINISHED…” (John 19:28-30 KJV). “…[God, the Holy Spirit’s]... divine power hath given unto [his people]... ALL THINGS that pertain unto life and godliness…” (2 Peter 1:3 KJV). Therefore, “…be conformed to the image of his Son…” (ROMANS 8:29 KJV).
The old CONFORMED person chooses to commit to renewing their mind in order to transform into their new identity as a person who is MADE WHOLE and HEALTHIER through Christ. “…Jesus Christ maketh thee whole …” (Acts 9:34 KJV). “...old things are passed away; behold, ALL THINGS ARE BECOME (MADE) NEW…” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).
The more the old CONFORMED person REPEATS and STRENGTHENS their commitment to RENEWING their mind the STRONGER their NEW IDENTITY as a NEW CREATION becomes. The bible says: “...If any man(woman) be in Christ, he(she) is a NEW CREATURE…” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). “… Be transformed by the renewing of your mind….” (Romans 12:2 KJV). Otherwise, “….you [will become] ... slaves of the one you obey (follow)…” (Romans 6:16 NIV).
“…The sinful nature is always hostile to God (therefore, the old mindset, affected by the sinful nature through self-rejection and self-invalidation, is also hostile to God). It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature (through the old mindset witnessed through self-rejection and self-invalidation) can never please God. But you are not controlled by your sinful nature [anymore]. You are controlled...[by choice]... by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you …” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“…If any man (woman) be in Christ, he (she) is a NEW CREATURE (accepted and validated) …” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). “… [New Creations]… are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works …” (Ephesians 2:10 KJV). ). “…alive (spiritually) with Christ…” (Colossians 2:13 NIV). “…A living (Spirit)soul (soul again)…” (GENESIS 2:7 KJV).
“... O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways... You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand. When I awake, I am still with You ... Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way...” (Psalm 139 NASB).
“… (Christ lives within [new creations], so even though [their] body will die because of sin, the [indwelling Holy] ... Spirit gives [each of them]... life because [they] have been made right with God (reunited with God, the Holy Spirit). The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to [his children’s] mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within [them]. …” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT). “…Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do (through your old mindset) what your sinful nature (self-rejection and self-invalidation) urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die (spiritually in those areas). But if through the power of the Spirit (the indwelling Holy Spirit) ... put to death the deeds (such as self-rejection and self-invalidation) of your sinful nature, you will live (a lively spiritual life). For all who are led by the Spirit of God (the indwelling Holy Spirit) are children of God…” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“…The sinful nature is always hostile (unfriendly or injurious) to God . …” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“..[The sinful nature]... never did obey God’s laws, and it never will.…” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“...those who are still under the control of their sinful nature (through self-rejection and self-invalidation) can never please God…” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“...[god’s people]... are not controlled by [their] sinful nature [through self-rejection or self-invalidation “unless” they choose to be]. [they] are controlled by the Spirit [if they choose to be and]... if [they] have the Spirit of God living in [them] …” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“… (Christ lives within his people)... The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in [them]. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to [his people’s]...mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within [them]…” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“… The [indwelling Holy] ... Spirit gives [God’s people]...life because [they] have been made right with God (reunited with God, the Holy Spirit). …” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“…Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature (through self-rejection and self-invalidation) urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die (spiritually in those areas). But if through the power of the Spirit (the indwelling Holy Spirit or SEED) ...put to death the deeds of your sinful nature (the controlling self-rejection and self-invalidation), you will live (FREE, indeed). For all who are led by the Spirit of God (the indwelling Holy Spirit) are children of God…” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).
“…Who will free me from this life that is dominated by (the old mindset of self-rejection and self-invalidation, which is) SIN? …” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT). “… The answer is in Jesus Christ (the Word) our Lord (the indwelling POWER of Holy Spirit)…” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).
Even with God’s indwelling POWER, some of his people find self-acceptance and self-validation, as long as they’ve desired it, is extremely difficult, especially if it was something that was NORMAL and they’d become FAMILIAR with. “…If any man(woman) be in Christ, he(she) is a new creature...” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). “….all things (salvation, spiritual life, acceptance, validation, etc.) are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).
Self-acceptance means you love who you are right now and are happy with yourself (vices and virtues). Self-validation means YOU recognize your OWN worthiness and legitimacy. “… [Therefore]… we all … are changed into the same image [of Christ] from glory to glory …” (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV). “…by the grace of God I am what I am…” (1 Corinthians 15:10 NIV).
Environmental-acceptance/validation and self-acceptance/validation are so LINKED together they will either support one another or one will eradicate the other. “...For in him (his presence is the new surrounding environment) we (his children) live, and move, and have ...[their]...being (identity of acceptance & validation); as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring (children)...” (Acts 17:28 KJV).
Environmental acceptance/validation is usually the eradicator. It can impact or totally eradicate your sense of acceptance and your need to be validated. “...old things are passed away...” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).
An old CONFORMED person will have problems perceiving how they fit or don’t fit into their new surrounding environments. They often feel they don’t live up to the standards their new surrounding environments require or demand. “…You [NOW]... belong to God, my dear children. …” (1 John 4:2-7 NIV).
STRICT, LIMITED, or ABUSIVE environments don’t respect differences or diversity that doesn’t fit into the life that makes “them” comfortable, so they reject and invalidate. “…Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “…And do not touch what is unclean…” (2 Corinthians 6:13-17 NASB). “…God chose [each of his people]... in Christ before the foundation of the world…” (Ephesians 1:4). “….[They, which includes YOU]... belong to God…” (1 John 4:4 NLT).
The whole ideology of acceptance and validation is about belonging, fitting in, mattering, and being recognized as worthy. ).“...[Thus, God]…hath made [YOU]… accepted in the beloved...” (Ephesians 1:6 KJV).
However, belonging and worthiness is largely based on the acceptability and validation of the ones who have the power or control in the current environments that surround you. “…The earth is the [god, the holy spirit’s] and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein…” (Psalm 24:1 KJV). “…the world is mine (God, the Holy Spirit’s), and the fulness thereof…” (Psalm 50:12 KJV). “…for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine (God, the Holy Spirit’s)…” (1 Chronicles 29:11 KJV).“...[Thus, God]…hath made [YOU]… accepted in the beloved...” (Ephesians 1:6 KJV).
In other words, what “you” think or need is negated while what “they” think or need is fully supported by the surrounding environments “they” control and created to suit them. “... The LORD “WILL” accomplish (take care of)…that which concerns [you]…” (John 14:31 NASB). “...Casting all your care upon him...” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV). “...he careth for you…” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV). “…The name of the Lord is a strong tower (REFUGE); The righteous runs into it and is safe…” (Proverbs 18:10 NASB). “…God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble…” (Psalms 46:1 NASB). “…you will find rest for your souls…” (Matthew 11:29 NASB).
The need and desire to be accepted and validated by those in the surrounding environments can NEGATIVELY influence how people dress, their idea of beauty, whether they’ll smoke, drink, or party, take illegal drugs, their prejudices, their virtues, their vices, and their various other pursuits. “...pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well...” (Matthew 6:30-33 NIV).
The need and desire to be accepted and validated is powerful and can, obsessively, drive one’s behavior and mindset, consciously or unconsciously, throughout their entire lives. “… [God, through Christ]… freely give [his children]... all things (acceptance & validation)…” (Romans 8:32 KJV). “…God will supply all [their need]… according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus…” (Philippians 4:19 NASB). HEALING from self-rejection and self-invalidation begins with God, the Holy Spirit, but renewing your mindset is YOUR CHOICE. “…Jesus Christ maketh thee whole (AGAIN: body, SOUL and SPIRIT)…” (Acts 9:34 KJV). “…Be transformed by [choosing to renew]... your [own] mind….” (Romans 12:2 KJV).
Self-rejection and self-invalidation was developed from learning to seek acceptance and validation outside of one’s self and NEVER finding it. “….Apart from [God, the INDWELLING Holy Spirit]… [God’s people will not and cannot]..do nothing (or find self-acceptance or self-validation within themselves)…” (John 15:5 NIV).
Whereas God, the Holy Spirit comes along and says you can find those things (acceptance & validation) within your SAVED self which is NOW a NEW CREATION in Jesus Christ. “…HIS divine power hath given unto [his people]... ALL THINGS that pertain unto life and godliness…” (2 Peter 1:3 KJV).
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