TRANSFORMING INTIMACY
“…But he that is joined unto the Lord is ONE SPIRIT….” (1 Corinthians 6:17).
“…But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine…” (ISAIAH 43:1).
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It is good to know God KNOWS each of his children by NAME. It is also good to see how intimate and attached God chooses to be with each of his children too. After researching human attachment in order to have a stepping stone to understanding the supernatural attachment I am able to shine a little light on how God's people are to experience this "supernatural" intimacy with God.
Human attachment begins in infancy and is usually experienced between a baby and its primary caregiver. There are many theories and explanations offered by psychologists and professionals regarding attachment which can be summed up in a few words: attachment is simply the intangible ties that connect and bind one person to another.
With healthy human attachment these intangible ties grow and ideally lasts throughout one’s life. However, the strength of that attachment may loosen, weaken, or almost fade over time with either one or both of the attached parties. One particular thing stands out in human attachment, which is the desire for one or both parties to be constantly in each other’s presence.
In psychology, John Bowlby is considered the “father of attachment theory.” Bowlby offers a model for understanding the psychological connections and bonds regarding human attachment.
Bowlby posits that connections and bonds formed in childhood will impact an individual’s attachment relationships with others, one way or another, throughout their lifetime.
Bowlby also suggests that human attachments consist of four important components: closeness, protection, sanctuary, and parting anguish. In other words, the two parties like to stay close to each other, because they feel protected and safe and when they part ways they may feel some anguish about it.
However, when healthy human attachments thrive, strengthen, and flourish, the two parties can enjoy different adventures and emotional well-being while engaging in many of life’s endeavors.
What is unique about human attachments, especially when one of the parties is an infant, is how the baby derives comfort and peace simply in the presence of the caregiver.
Somewhere along the line, the ability to attach to another person has been severely damaged and it is almost impossible to find someone special who you can feel close, safe, and comforted in their presence.
Without feeling safe and protected by another individual’s presence alone; attachment or intimacy will remain more a dream than a reality.
Attachment is highly related to intimacy since attachment determines how well you bond with other people. The infant and caregiver attachment, unfortunately, initiates the infant’s ability to be intimate in all relationships going forward.
Just like there are healthy human attachments there are unhealthy ones too.
If you look at your own human attachment abilities it may help you to understand why you can’t fully experience the “One Spirit” attachment God already has with you through Christ (1 Corinthians 5:17).
God offers a depth of intimacy, which many believers cannot embrace or enjoy, because their earlier connections and bonds were so remiss.
Babies come into the world with a set of innate attachment abilities, which enable them to form attachments with one or more caregivers.
God created these infants with innate attachment abilities in order to help them bond, with the caregiver(s), in a healthy manner.
This early period of attachment, between the infant and caregiver, is critical and without it the infant’s future ability to be intimate will be significantly impaired.
Further, in this early period, how the caregiver responds or doesn’t respond to the needs of the infant inform him or her how to attach to them and to others. For instance, the infant either learns to trust and feel safe his or her needs will be met or learns not to trust nor feel safe that their needs will be met.
In the first scenario intimacy thrives and in the second, intimacy dies before it has a chance to live. Further, in the second scenario, the infant does not attach or bond to their caregiver and thus will not truly know how to attach or bond in future relationships.
This lack of bonding or attaching will dismally impact the infant’s ongoing experiences with loving others and being loved. When the infant’s needs are not met by their caregiver, the infant’s ability to expect healthy, loving attachment responses, from anyone, becomes pessimistically impaired.
Thus a pattern of unhealthy, intimacy attachment skills are established. According to psychology, there are four types of attachments: a secure one where the infant’s needs are met in a balanced way; an avoidant one where the infant’s needs are met inconsistently or occasionally; an ambivalent one where the infant’s needs are met in a highly imbalanced way; and a disorganized one where the infant’s needs are met with abuse.
Thus you have a world of people who have adequate attachments with others and those who have disastrous attachments. What this tells us is that the attachment styles learned as infants, will be repeated over and over again in future relationships with others.
The innate attachment abilities God created you with, as an infant, are NOT lost altogether, but are so damaged or misused, you only have an inkling of what they might have been.
Unhealthy human attachments often destroy the original God-given ability to bond with others. Too many people, believers too, because of unhealthy attachments in infancy, depend upon no one, but themselves.
This lack of attachment ability is what the infant became familiar with and may accept as normal. They learned to survive “without” the bonds they were meant to have initially with their primary caregiver(s).
In these cases, they eventually learn to take care of most of their own needs, from an infant, because no one else did. These infants will turn inward and look to self to meet those needs and not others.
In addition, they most likely, will have issues: with trust, will hate their own neediness, are usually detached or aloof, will have some degree of emotional unavailability, and will possibly find “attachment to things” more satisfying than “attachment to people”.
Even though those with secure human attachments have a better chance for healthily bonding with others than those who don’t, without God, “sin” will eventually impact even so-called healthy attachment abilities.
However, God is in the restoration business and can renew your ability to experience true intimacy no matter how you started. God is your caregiver now and plans on meeting every need from this point on. He is ever present and will NEVER leave you or forsake you (Hebrew 13:5).
You can rest and finally be protected and safe through his eternal attachment to you. God is not simply close to you, but you are now “One Spirit” with him through Christ: an undivided whole (1 Corinthians 5:17).
May God’s power restore your ability to experience true intimacy through his TRANSFORMING INTIMACY with YOU already.
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