CHAPTER 7
LUKE WARM:
SHEILA ANDERSON
God “…be sure your sin will find you out.…” (Numbers 32:23 KJV). “...you can be sure that your sin will track you down...” (Number 32:23 MSG).
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It had taken two years, but she had finally discovered the truth. She followed him to Broad Street one night, parked as he drove up and down the street, saw him pick up the young prostitute, and watched them go into Broadway Inn motel together.
She was disgusted beyond words. How much more could she take? She had done everything God told her to do. She’d forgiven him countless times. She’d showed him continual kindness. She was gracious and merciful. She treated him with undeserved respectful and she’d kept her hands in God’s hands.
He looked happy and carefree as he and the young prostitute walked down to room 7. Her flesh screamed with the desire to go and knocked on the door, beat the heck out of both of them, or burn the whole place down, but she sat there and asked God for help.
She believed her marriage was God’s will, but this was NOT how she’d imagined it. She thought it would be a marriage made in heaven, but did that mean it would be all light and flowers? No, but did it mean THIS?
She drove away. It would be nice to say she got it together, trusted God, was immediately empowered to do the right thing, but she didn’t.
She was angry and disappointed. Regret slowly began to fill her heart and she wished she’d never met him, married him, or knew him. This was NOT something she could talk over with a friend and a cup of coffee.
She kept it to herself for weeks and she was so different, he kept asking her what was wrong. The desire to release her rage upon him was a constant temptation and the wedge, between them, took advantage of the situation and she let it.
She thought about having an affair herself as a payback for what he was doing, but that wasn’t who she was. She thought about leaving him once and for all, but it would be a selfish move on her part. This wasn’t simply about her.
Deep inside she knew, in spite of it all, God was with her and he was the answer. Nonetheless, she was on the brink of stepping over into abyss and forgetting everything and everybody. She didn’t want to be on this journey anymore. She wished she could erase all the bad stuff and rewrite her life’s story, but she couldn’t.
Did Christians go through this? God whispered in her heart to read the book of Hosea. “...The beginning of the word of the Lord by Hosea. And the Lord said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the Lord...” (Hosea 1:2 KJV). “...The first time God spoke to Hosea he said: “Find a whore and marry her. Make this whore the mother of your children. And here’s why: This whole country has become a whorehouse, unfaithful to me, God...” (Hosea 1:2 MSG).
She had FOUND a whoremonger, married him, and he was the father of her children. UGH? The story in the book of Hosea continued: “...I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and I will say to them which were not my people, Thou art my people; and they shall say, Thou art my God...” (Hosea 2:23 KJV).
She actually judged God for being too LOVING and too MERCIFUL. As far as she was concerned, her husband didn’t deserve God’s mercy. “... God said to Moses, “I will show mercy to anyone I choose, and I will show compassion to anyone I choose.” So it is God who decides to show mercy. We can neither choose it nor work for it...” (Romans 9:14-16 NLT).
“...HE DELIGHTETH IN MERCY…” (Micah 7:18 KJV). “..come boldly unto the throne of GRACE ...[and] ... obtain mercy…” (Hebrews 4:16 KJV).
God is“... RICH IN MERCY…” (Ephesians 2:1-5 KJV). (Isaiah 63:9 NASB). “…Mercy triumphs over judgement.” (James 2:13 NASB).
She wept over God’s mercy, but was appreciative of it. Yet, she didn’t think she could demonstrate or express that kind of mercy to her husband. “...I can DO ALL THINGS through Christ…” (Philippians 4:13 KJV). “…It is God who works IN YOU TO WILL and TO ACT (DO)…” (Philippians 2:13 NIV). “…He helps [his people]…” (Psalms 28:7 NLT). “… The Holy Spirit helps [his people] in [their] weakness…” (Romans 8:26 NLT).
She argued with God and told him he was the one loving and merciful, not her. “...if ye love me, KEEP my commandments…” (John 14:15 KJV). “…In this world [god’s people]... are like Jesus…” (1 John 4:17 NIV). “...Be … imitators of [Jesus]…” (Hebrews 12:14; Ephesians 5:1 ASV). “… [Therefore, on the journey, God’s people]… are changed into the same image [of Christ] from glory to glory …” (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV).
She wept for days over what God was asking her to do. Her flesh didn’t want to, but the indwelling Holy Spirit wanted to work “in” and “through” her. “… The Holy Spirit helps [his people] in [their]... weakness…” (Romans 8:26 NLT). “…You are my helper and my savior…” (Psalms 40:17 NLT). “…It is …God [the indwelling Holy Spirit] ... who does the work IN and THROUGH all of us who are his… (1 Corinthians 12:4-11 NLT). “…God …works in [his people] TO WILL and TO ACT in order to fulfill his good purpose…” (Philippians 2:13 NIV).
She KNEW God’s Word, she studied it, she memorized it, and she had regular quiet time with God, but this TEST of FAITH required “real life” application.
It was humanly impossible to continue to love someone like her husband. She’d determined he was a wretched man who “thought” he was someone he was NOT. He was a self-invention, which made him live in self-denial and self-delusion.
While she judged her husband mercilessly, she continued to read the book of Hosea. When she finished she saw God as immutably faithful to his covenant people REGARDLESS of their continual betrayals. “…If [God’s people] are unfaithful [to the “covenant unity” relationship], he [God, the Holy Spirit]... remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is…” (2 Timothy 2:13 NLT). “…I am the Lord, I change NOT…” (Malachi 3:6 KJV). “… “I AM WHO I AM …” (Exodus 3:14-15 NASB).
She LOCKED herself away with God’s Word. “…. Again and again he rescued them, but they chose to rebel against him... Even so, he pitied them in their distress and listened to their cries. He remembered his covenant with them and relented because of his unfailing love. He even caused their captors to treat them with kindness. Save us, O Lord our God! Gather us back from among the nations, so we can thank your holy name and rejoice and praise you. Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who lives from everlasting to everlasting! Let all the people say, “Amen!” Praise the Lord!” (Psalms 106:42-48 NLT).
“…He remembered his covenant with them and relented because of his unfailing love…” (Psalms 106:42-48 NLT).
“…The Lord loves His people …” (2 Chronicles 2:11 NASB). “…For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more…" (Hebrews 8:12 NIV). His “…love covereth a multitude of sins…” (Proverbs 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8 ASV).
“…They defiled themselves [again]...by their evil deeds, and their love of idols was adultery in the Lord’s sight ....Again and again he rescued them, but they chose to rebel against him, …” (Psalm 106:39-43 NLT).
“…, …[His people said:]...we will continue to live as we want to, stubbornly following our own evil desires…” (JEREMIAH 18:12 NLT). “…[God said:]... my people have stubborn and rebellious hearts. They have turned away and ABANDONED me….” (JEREMIAH 5:23 NLT). “…My people would not listen to me. They kept doing whatever they wanted…” (Jeremiah 7:24 NLT).
“...[Nothing] shall be able to “separate [his people]... from the love of God, which is “in” Christ…” (Romans 8:38-39). “…I am the Lord, I change NOT…” (Malachi 3:6 KJV). “… “I AM WHO I AM …” (Exodus 3:14-15 NASB).
She KNEW what God was asking her to do. “...But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings..” (1 Peter 4:13 KJV). “...And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together...” (Romans 8:17 KJV).
“..Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things he suffered…” (Hebrews 5:8 KJV). ‘...he (she) that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin...” (1 Peter 4:1 KJV).
“...Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner ... We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!...” (Romans 8:17 & 1 Peter 4:13 MSG).
“...Blessed is the man (woman) that endureth temptation: for when he (she) is tried, he (she) shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him...” (James 1:12 KJV).
“...though he slay me (though it feels like he’s killing me), yet will I trust in him…” (Job 13:15 KJV). “... I ...[choose to] ... die daily...” (1 Corinthians 15:31 KJV).
“...He (Jesus) [entrusted]... Himself over to [God] ...” (1 Peter 2:23 KJV). It took some time, but with the help of God’s POWERFUL Word and the empowerment of his indwelling Holy Spirit, she got on board with God’s sovereign will.
Her marriage was made in heaven, but she had a NEW perspective of what that meant. “…Ye shall know [God’s people]… by their fruits…” (Matthew 7:16 KJV). “…He(she) who ABIDES in Me and I in him (her), he(she) bears much fruit … ” (John 15:1-11 NASB). "…My Father is glorified (his presence, goodness, and working power is made known) by this, that...[HIS PEOPLE]... bear much fruit, and so PROVE to be My disciples (MY PEOPLE)...” (John 15:8 NIV).
The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit ... love...self-control (obedience). …” (Galatians 5 NLT).
“… In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother…” (1 John 3:10 KJV). “…All men (women) will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another…" (John 13:35 NASB).
Like an empty glass of water, God’s indwelling Spirit filled her heart with his HOLY LOVE and he enabled Virtuous to continue to love her unfaithful husband.
She had learned something truly valuable about God’s love for his wayward people even when they commit apostasy, His HOLY love REMAINS unconditional and immutable toward them. "...I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them.’...” (Hosea 14:2-4 KJV).
Her husband may be an adulterous man, but God, nonetheless, had called her to be a faithful wife. Though he had dishonored her, their children, his ministry, and everything else, she was to remain God’s child and daughter through the demonstration of his love, mercy, and grace.
To love like God loved was COSTLY, especially when the one you love has turned their backs on you in important ways.
She may not be guilty of the same sins as her husband, but before Christ, she was just as wretched as he was. There are no greater or lessor sins: sin is sin to a HOLY God.
She had SEEN God’s heart of committed HOLY love for her too. She couldn’t OVERLOOK her husband’s wrongs, but God’s LOVE helped her COVER them.
It STILL hurt and she STILL hated what he’d done or was doing. But she got back on board. She stumbled a few times. She squirmed when she remembered parts of their first conversation. “...Please...listen to me...”
“...David, or whatever your name is, get out of my face. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say! You make me sick! We are living in the freaking twilight zone....” She began to cry loudly like a child getting a spanking.
She studied, prayed, trusted, but she didn’t think she could love him beyond what he’d done. She wished she’d never found out, but if she hadn’t she would still be living a lie.
“...I promise I won’t ever do it again. I’ll go see a doctor! Anything ... anything you want! Just don’t leave me.” He reached for her that day, but she escaped his touch.
“Don’t’ touch me! Don’t ever touch me again! I WANT A DIVORCE!”
“...You can’t mean that. We’ve been through so much together. We have a family. We have a ministry. We have a decent life...”
“You should have thought about that life while you were on Board Street. Were you thinking about that then... you hypocrite?” After all that studying she was so livid with anger, on their first conversation and she couldn’t be reasoned with. She wanted to hurt him.... just the way he’d done her.
“...I said I wouldn’t do it again. I am appealing to your Christian side. Please hear me out...”
“...I’m listening!” David looked away. His wife didn’t know the half of it. She’d only saw a glimpse of what his sexual habits entailed. If she knew everything he’d done, then she’d really want out. Yet, he was going to tell her anyway.
‘... I do have a problem. I can’t help what I’m doing...”
“Oh ... please! It’s always someone else’s fault!” She was being rude, but at the moment, she couldn’t stand the sight of him.
“OMG, can’t you stop for one minute. I’m serious... I’m a sex addict.” He went to a drawer, pulled out some pamphlets and handed them to her. She took them, but didn’t look at them.
“...A sex addict! Is that something new you’ve invented?...” He shook his head
“...It’s a compulsive sexual behavior... I go into a trance like state...” She remembered covering her ears and walking out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
She blew it! She blew her witness. She failed God and she felt horrible about it. She didn’t want do this, but she knew she had too. Eventually, she looked over the pamphlets he’d given her and called his therapist, Harold.
They begin to work on it. Without God, the monstrosity of revelations would have been too much for her. Initially, she became a little co-dependent. She’d found handcuffs, bandannas, and condoms in his ministry briefcase. She’d followed him down Broad Street again.
She was checking his phone, the bank accounts, his whereabouts, and the mileage on his car.
Her normally trusting nature had been challenged in the worst way. She found herself being snappy and smart-alecky, but David was patient. He was grateful to her no matter what she did. He felt he deserved whatever she did to him.
One day, her flesh, finally calmed down. She looked at herself in the mirror and she didn’t look well. Even the children wondered if something was wrong. Truly it is easier to READ about God’s love than it was to practice it, but she was going to CHOOSE to do it no matter what.
There was no human blueprint on how to deal with the issues she was facing, but she did have God’s instructions to help her. She repeated God’s words in her thoughts: Everything will be okay. Overwhelming victory is mine. No weapon formed against me will prosper. I’ll never leave you or forsake you.
She called Harold. He talked to her about co-dependents and she had many of the characteristics, especially recently.
She felt God’s peace embrace her soul. I am NOT alone. Harold gave her a number to a support group and told her to use an alias. She humbly dialed the number. “...Hello, Dr. Pat... this is Sheila Anderson...”
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