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Monday, April 11, 2016

Saturday, April 9, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (LISTENING)

You smell with your nose
You see with your eyes
You feel with your hands
You taste with your tongue
You think with your mind
You feel with your emotions
Wow, how the senses glisten!
Oh, You hear with your ears too, BUT
You must know how to listen
       Pensacola Helene

Burt and Gurt had been a couple for a few years now and they were pretty happy and content. Burt was really busy and lately Gurt had not seen much of him. He was always saying, “Gurt, if you need anything, just say it; just let me know.” Well she was really thirsty and needed something to drink. 

So the next time Burt came home she said, “Burt I really need a glass of water.” Burt smiled and immediately went out and bought Gurt a bouquet of flowers. Gurt was really pleased and thanked him profusely. Burt went on his merry way. 

Gurt was a little confused, but after a while she asked him again, “Burt I really need a glass of water.” Burt kissed her on the cheek and went out and bought a beautiful new dress and some shoes. He was so pleased with himself. Gurt was appreciative, but wondered if she was expressing herself the right way. Anyway a few weeks later Gurt communicated to Burt again, with more clarity, that she needed a drink of water.

Burt being the enthusiasts he was; went out and bought her a brand new diamond ring. The fourth time she asked it was a mink coat and the fifth time it was new furniture. 

One day Burt came home and found Gurt sunk down in one of their big chairs. “What’s wrong with you, Gurt?” 

“Burt, I’ve asked you for a drink of water several times, but you haven’t gotten it yet. I’m thirsty.” Burt blew his cool.

“Oh my goodness, woman, you are never satisfied. I bought you flowers, clothes, jewelry and everything else. What more do you want?”
“A glass of water.” Gurt said gently.

“You are always complaining! Nothing I do is right or pleases you! You know how much I spent on trying to make you happy! Do you know how hard I work?” While he was talking Gurt slithered out of the chair onto the floor. When he noticed, he ran to her side. “Gurt! Gurt!!” In a panic, he called Relationship 911. They asked him what happened. He told them the whole story, then desperately asked, “….what should I do?”

They shouted through the phone, “GIVE HER A GLASS OF WATER!!”

Burt finally got the message.

Listening is a skill and too often people don’t pay attention to what is being said and misinterpret the message being conveyed.  You must understand the message from the other person’s perspective. 

That person that is frustrating you and accusing you of not listening may be right. You may have the Burt syndrome and a Gurt problem.

Simple solutions: 1) Repeat what you heard and then check with the person to make sure you understood what you heard. 2) Don’t interrupt when they are talking and don’t spend the time thinking about what you’re going to say. 3) If they are talking about something you’ve done, don’t defend - keep listening no matter the topic – it’s about the person talking not you.

Listening is a “love” skill and one of the greatest gifts you can give to any relationship.

                                 Dr. Pensacola Helene Jefferson

           BUY MY NEW BOOK "TRANSFORMING LOVE" HERE!

Friday, April 8, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (MEN AND THEIR EMOTIONS)




A big relationship faux pas is thinking that men have no emotional investment in their relationships with women. According to research the emotional ability of men and women are the same, but how they express them is different. 

The Good Book directs both men and women to love each other and thus he gave them both what they needed to carry out the proper emotions. Men “having” emotions may not be the issue as much as feeling emotionally safe with someone enough to trust them with those emotions.



Trusting someone with your emotions is built over a period of time. Being emotionally safe with someone has nothing to do with gender; as much as it has to do with one person trusting another person with something as precious as their deepest feelings. 

Emotions are like precious treasures and should be shared with someone who will value them. A man or woman will gladly open their hearts to a person they feel is SAFE. 



Society has a tendency to think that men are different emotionally than women, but they are only different in expression. The level or depth in which they are able to feel love or experience deep emotions is equal to that of a woman’s. And men need to inform women of their emotions and break the negative image.



Their hearts and emotions are at risk just like a woman's when they become emotionally involved. Every man is not emotionally dangerous and every woman is not emotionally safe. If you want your man or woman to open up to you, you must ask yourself: AM I SAFE? CAN I BE TRUSTED WITH ANOTHER PERSON’S DEEPEST EMOTIONS? 



Men are often trapped by the stereotypes that society has placed on them. Yes, they are physically different, but men are often treated emotionally unfair because of their group membership. And yes their emotional expression is different; just as a woman’s logical expression is said to be different, but it doesn’t mean men do not have emotions or women do not have logic. Don’t prejudge a man’s emotional ability just because he’s a man, but try to understand emotional expression from his point of view and experiences.



Even the most masculine man will risk his emotions on a woman he feels SAFE expressing his love to. One man said: "There is nothing greater than being able to lay your emotions safely inside the heart of the one you love."  MEN AND THEIR EMOTIONS SEEK SAFETY JUST LIKE WOMEN AND THEIR EMOTIONS.





                                         Dr. Pensacola Helene Jefferson

                           BUY MY NEW BOOK "TRANSFORMING LOVE" HERE!


Thursday, April 7, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (THE CHAINS OF UNFORGIVENESS)



One of the hardest things to do in life is to forgive someone who really hurt you in the worst way. Often people want to forgive, but can’t let go of the anger,or the thought of revenge, or the bitter memory of the offense. There is so much advice available regarding forgiveness. 

People counsel you to confront the person, do it without confronting the person, keep a journal, put yourself in the offender’s shoes, be empathetic, talk to someone, forgive yourself for whatever role you played, protect yourself from further hurt by severing the relationship, and most importantly let it go. Bingo! The magic words: “let it go.” 

I remember when someone I loved dearly broke my heart. The hardest part was letting it go. Until I truly understood what I had to let go I held onto it. I kept reliving what happen over and over and each time I did I was wrapping a chain of unforgiveness around my own mind. I couldn't seem to stop thinking about what the person did, which kept me pulling off the scab of the wound and it did not heal. 

I kept thinking about how I wanted them to see the error of their ways, which kept me longing for something that wasn’t going to happen. I kept thinking about what I wanted to do to them so they would feel what I was feeling, which continue to fill my heart with anger, vengeance, and bitterness. The more I held onto unforgiveness and all its emotional trappings, the less freedom I felt. 

The pain was the biggest culprit for me in the journey toward forgiveness, but I knew deep in side, if I continued to hold on to the pain its whole purpose was to defeat my freedom to fully live. Like watching an old video my mind kept pushing PLAY over and over again. Pushing PLAY made me relive the incident and the PAIN each time. One day I picked up the Good Book and discovered God’s forgiveness for me. 

My forgiveness was released. I cried like a baby, because I was not deserving of God's grace and love, but he gave it to me for every offense. My pain was released. And like a bird in a cage, I was set free. My personal power was released. The chains were finally off! 

There is no magical way to forgive and it varies from person to person. However, I found supernatural help and a miracle in the Good Book that healed my unforgiving heart… maybe you can too. “You will know the truth, and the truth will MAKE you free” (John 8:32).

Dr. Pensacola Helene Jefferson

                        BUY MY NEW BOOK "TRANSFORMING LOVE" HERE

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE ( GREEN EYES)


I will eat you up on the inside and cause a part of your innermost heart to rot away. I will make your eyes green and fill you with resentment. I will promote rivalry and amimosity  in your heart towards others. If I linger long enough with you, I will make you feel hate for him or her and desire to treat them like Joseph's brother treated him (Genesis 37:12-35). I will cause disorder and every evil practice to come forth from your life. Who am I? ENVY.   

Envy is the sin of jealousy over the blessings or character, or achievements of others. "...who can stand before jealousy?" (Proverbs 27:14).

 Sometimes what you envy is not at all what you thought or imagined anyway and the time and emotion you’ve invested in envy will have all been for nothing. Having experienced this emotion myself, the person I was envying - in fact - was envying me. 

From this I learned, don't envy, its a waste of time and it is best to sincerely be happy for what other people possess instead. All envy does is cause untold suffering, or lead to personal pain, or becomeS a destructive waste of time. 

On the other hand, admiration for others opens the door where “a man sharpens the countenance of his friend....” - making it easier to truly be happy over other people's blessings, success, spiritual joy, and achievements (Proverbs 27:17). 

If they can be blessed with spiritual blessings, so can YOU.  "Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other" (Galatians 5:36).  YOU too, can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4:13).
Dr. Pensacola Helene Jefferson

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (FEELINGS)

When you acknowledge another's feelings you invite closeness and safety. When you dismiss or ignore another's feelings you invite rejection and distance. 

People go through a variety of feelings on a daily basis. They can be happy, sad, angry, anxious, worried, or several others types of emotions. Special people can lovingly help us regulate our feelings, especially those close to us. 

If someone is left thinking you don't care about their feelings, after a while, they will also begin to think you really don't care about them. 

Be careful with the emotions of the ones you love. Nothing says "I love you" like someone who understands your heartfelt feelings. 

 Also, there is nothing sadder than watching the back of someone's head as they walk out of your life forever; because they "FELT" you didn't care.

Pensacola Helene 

BUY MY BOOK "TRANSFORMING LOVE" HERE!

                                      

Monday, April 4, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR PUPPETS)



You may manipulate people to do anything you want and you may find pride in yourself for having gained that kind of control. Some people like using others or their love ones as puppets to satisfy some deep-seated need to control everything and everybody.

 The thing about a people-puppet is that you may manipulate them do what you want, maybe as long as you want, but you will never really control their wills.  Once people discover they have a will, your manipulation is over.

 Manipulation gives you the illusion of getting what you want, while in fact, the more you practice it, the less you get. Ask those you are manipulating. A person’s will, by natural design, is ultimately moved and motivated by a God-given gift of choice and  not by manipulation. 

So, if manipulation is what you use to get what you want from others, you better check to see if what you want is really what you actually have. People are not puppets.

Dr Pensacola Helene Jefferson

BUY MY BOOK "TRANSFORMING LOVE" HERE

Sunday, April 3, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (THE LEAKY CUP)

When you go to the world begging for your "other" needs to be met by something or someone, it is the same as walking through life with a leaky cup in your hand.
Pensacola Helene

Does your cup have a leak?


When I speak about needs, I'm not talking about basic needs such as water, food, clothing, a place to live, or the apple a day that keeps the doctor away.

I am talking about the private needs you have that create an inner belief that you are living with some kind of deficiency.

When you pursue relationships with others your motive is everything. There is a difference between pursuing someone because they interest you; and simply pursuing them to fulfill a need. Getting those "other" needs met is the exception, not the rule. Having needs met are the benefits of relationships, but not the main focus.

You can pursue relationships to fulfill a  healthy need, as long as you know the difference between a vessel and a source. For instance, it is healthy to need and desire loving relationships and also to pursue them. However,  knowing you are already loved and the source of that is God makes a difference. Then you can pursue a loving relationship knowing "I am loved", so you can pursue it whole. We are talking about the inner motive.

When we pursue relationships whole; the need for love is not about receiving it but giving it. "Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back” (Luke 6:38 NLT)

I chose to talk about the inner journey because I want to see people pursue their relationships whole, not broken. It will eliminate the disappointment, heartbreak, or depression from not having those needs fulfilled through one particular person, who is a vessel and not the source.

You are already loved. You are already whole from God's love, who is the ultimate source. When you truly know this, you can enjoy the relationship journey, without anything making you feel desperate or needy. Further, your relationship with another can truly flow into the life of another from a healthy place.

If you are pursuing relationships for the simply joy and satisfaction they bring, all other benefits will come naturally. When we come to our relationships with the purpose of using them to get some need met, we might as well have a cup in our hands that constantly leaks. Don't be a beggar.

Come to life whole. Come to your relationships whole. Share you love and life with others whole. When you come with your cup already filled, you will discover that your cup, instead of leaking, will begin to overflow. Those who understand and have taken their journey with the wholeness of self; left us with the phrase, "My cup runneth over." (Psalm 23).

So, come whole - to your relationship - and share your WHOLE self with them. When you give, it will be given back to you in abundance. Will you seriously look at your motives for pursuing your relationships and ask yourself: Do I come with a leaky cup in my hands?

Dr Pensacola Helene Jefferson

Saturday, April 2, 2016

TRANFORMING LOVE (SEX IS NOT INTIMACY)



Sex is not the intimacy that lasts or matters. It is an act of intimacy; that was meant to express the intercourse that had already taken place between two hearts. Enduring love allows intimacy to develop in the heart first and why real lovers wait for the proper time to engage in sex. 

When intimacy is learned in this way, love will be easier to maintain in the long run of the relationship. The Good Book didn’t have us sustain from sexual pleasure as a punishment, but so we don’t miss out on what truly matters in the area of intimacy: two hearts becoming one, not simple two bodies.

 If you shape your experience of intimacy around the act; you will find intimacy limited to that act. However, if you shape your intimacy around the intercourse of two hearts, it will outlast the act, which always alters with age and maturity. No matter who you are; no matter how good you are sexually, no matter how liberal you are in engaging in the sexual act – you will come looking for real intimacy one day. 

So learn and train yourself in what real intimacy is while the spring still blossoms.  For when the winter comes and it will; the heart may be too tattered by the “act” to know real intimacy, or to find it, or even recognize it staring you right in the face.  

Real intimacy starts with the intercourse of two hearts, not two bodies.
Dr. Pensacola Helene Jefferson

Friday, April 1, 2016

TRANSFORMING LOVE (GOD'S ONLY AGENDA)



GOD IS LOVE AND GOD LOVES YOU!!! Love covers many offenses. Love is fully forgiving and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. Love is enduring. Love suffers long in order to grace the recipient of love with the chance to get it right. Love is faithful. Love is loyal. 

Love makes a sacrifice and therefore will always be costly. Love continues, even if it does not receive anything in return. 

Love does not come with a wage attachment, where others must earn it from you. Love does not come with a merit tag, where others must deserve it from you. Love doesn’t measure worth, because it is the love that establishes value onto the recipient.

 Love is free towards the recipient of it and therefore will not demand anything in return. Love won’t change, even if the recipient changes, walks away, rejects it, follows after another, is unfaithful, or totally forgets about love’s offers. 

Love is concerned with what it can give to another. Love’s only agenda is Love.

Dr. Pensacola Helene Jefferson