CHAPTER 5
LUKE WARM:
THE GOOD HUSBAND
“...God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, …” (1 Samuel 16:7 NASB).
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Virtuous still had lipstick on from the night before. She and Issachar had celebrated their 20th anniversary. Where had the time gone, Faith was 15, Hope was 14, the twins, Joshua and Joseph were 13.
Issachar had taken her to see her favorite comedian and to an elegant 5-course dinner. It was a fairytale set-up. Issachar was charismatic, debonair, Prince Charming even, and so attentive. He didn’t have a clue she felt NONE of it and hadn’t for a decade, but he wouldn’t stop acting as if he as ALL IN.
Their relationship, as far as she was concerned, had spiraled downward. Issachar had become someone else in her eyes. He acted as if NOTHING had happened and he expected her to do the same. It was bothersome and she was a horrible pretender.
Issachar demanded endless attention as though he’d earned it with all of his “good husband” deeds. He had NO PROBLEM telling her when she was responding to him, wrong or showing her he was angry by her attitudes or reactions.
Somehow the wedge between them became her fault and she was the one who needed to work harder on their relationship, particularly to PLEASE him.
The dynamics between them played manipulatively and deceptively in HIS favor. Virtuous would attempt to discuss an issue with him concerning his unfavorable behavior and somehow they would end up talking about an unfavorable behavior of hers.
When the discussion was over, she would end up second-guessing herself and wondering rather she was the problem and not him.
Issachar was the “good husband” personified both in private and in public. any conversation Virtuous tried to have, with him, would end up with some character flaw of hers.
Issachar had kicked Virtuous off his pedestal and she was happy about it, but he NEVER planned to forgive her either for NOT living up to “his” ideal of perfect.
People liked Issachar. He was ELECTRIFYING and could capture your heart with so little effort. When his magnificent light shone on her, she felt special as hell. But Virtuous had no more illusions about her husband.
The revelation, she’d had, of the “real” Issachar L. Warm was painful for Virtuous. She SAW him and she could NEVER un-SEE him again. He didn’t like it either. He would have never made himself known to Virtuous. Now he was hypersensitive to any criticisms, real or imagined, she might make of his character or conduct.
If her words were nothing short of flattery, his anger would instantly be triggered and if he could, he would stitch her lips together with a real needle and thread.
Virtuous was a genuine, authentic and honest person, but anytime she tried to express that side of herself, Issachar would immediately shut her down.
If she wasn’t serving him flattery and praise he would remove himself from her presence. She had gotten quiet over the years because she knew what her “good husband” shared with her wasn’t real love.
The “real” Issachar had knocked her off balance, for a minute, and her foundation was rattled. She has NEVER felt emotionally safe with him again.
Issachar was arrogant about who he THOUGHT he actually was and so into doing his “good husband,” “good father” “good leader,” and “good businessman” performances, he couldn’t SEE anyone or anything else.
Virtuous, when she was HIS ideal of a perfect woman, had only been, in Issachar’s mind, an extension of his invention. He NEVER saw the real her and still didn’t.
From the beginning, she’d sensed he only praised her for who HE THOUGHT she was or wanted her to be. She, herself, believed his attention was romance, but it wasn’t. Virtuous mistook his attention for intimacy too, but that was impossible when he couldn’t see her and evidently she wasn’t seeing him either.
All those years ago - when she dared to ask for her needs to be met in a different way - he stream-rolled over them like they were nothing.
All she was doing was telling her “good husband” how she was feeling, but it triggered something “angry” in him and nothing, between them, had been the same since then.
It blew her mind how Issachar would so easily condemn her in their private conversations. This same man who acted as if he’d truly cherished her now treated her with disdain when no one was watching but the two of them.
Virtuous didn’t fear Issachar, but she DID often feel intimidated by his narcissism, his wrath, his power, his indirect threats, and his subtle criticisms. She very seldom spoke up anymore and her true self practically disappeared when they were, alone, together.
Issachar THOUGHT he controlled her, their life, and their world. He THOUGHT he had her where he wanted her, but he didn’t. Virtuous was a meek woman, but she was POWERFUL She had CHOSEN to stay with him. She STAYED, because of her love for God, her children, the people under “his” ministry, those who worked in his business, and for Issachar. In spite of his asshole-ness....she loved him too!
It was her cross to bear, for now, until God said different and she believed, with her whole heart, that God would work ALL of this together for some greater good.
For now she often felt like she had to tiptoe through her life with Issachar in order to keep the peace for everyone.
Virtuous had to be ever so careful, if she wanted to keep life as normal as possible for the family, to give him the praise his ego felt he deserved for being such a “good husband.”
He gave her NO emotional support, but she SAW how “readily” he was FUELED by the emotional support she so FREELY offered to him.
Virtuous learned to pray more than ever before. She learned to truly trust and depend upon the indwelling Holy Spirit to enable her, strengthen her, and empowered her to do the assignment she was called to do.
Much was being required of Virtuous, but God gave and equipped her with what she needed or she would NEVER have made it this far in her marriage to Issachar.
Her faith had been tested to the brink and sometimes she felt INVISIBLE and as if she had NOTHING left to give. In the beginning she wondered why God would require her to GIVE so much assurance and attention to Issachar, but she, herself, got so little.
In their secret conversations Issachar had no problem tearing her down while she built him up as God requested. Then one day she was studying the scriptures and found these verses. “…[God, the Holy Spirit]...will supply all your NEED…” (John 12:32 KJV). “...He (God, the Holy Spirit) careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV). “…The LORD “WILL” accomplish (take care of)…that which concerns [HIS people]…” (John 14:31 NASB). “…His [“HOLY” indwelling] POWER hath GIVEN unto [his people]… ALL THINGS that pertain unto life and godliness…” (2 Peter 1:3 KJV). “…Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable GIFT...[“IN” Jesus Christ]…” (2 Corinthians 9:16 KJV). “... God will supply all [their need]…” (Philippians 4:19 NASB).
Virtuous asked herself: Do I already have everything I need? Can Issachar’s criticisms or put downs change who God created me to be? If God has already told her who she is, what difference does Issachar’s opinion make?
Virtuous continued to study. “…God is love…” (1 John 4:4-8 KJV). “…Love does NO HARM to his neighbor…” (Romans 13:10 NASB). “…The plans [God has]…for you (His people)….[are]… plans to prosper you and not to harm you...” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV). “…Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man (woman), the things which God hath prepared for them that love him...” (1 Corinthians 2:9 KJV). “...I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster...” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT). “... I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end...” (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV).
Virtuous realized God loved her and he hadn’t given her the assignment with Issachar to harm her, but to help her. All these years of her “good husband’s” put-downs she had survived with God’s help.
In fact, in spite of his criticisms she was the one building HIM UP, which meant God had already generously supplied and provided her with enough spiritual fruit to share with her husband. The scripture said: “…God (the Holy Spirit) is the one who provides …” (2 Corinthians 9:10-13 KJV). “…God (the Holy Spirit) will generously PROVIDE all [the of his children’s] need …” (2 Corinthians 9:8 NLT).
Issachar had NO POWER to destroy who she was “IN” Christ Jesus. He was the one constantly soliciting her love, her kindness, her attention, her generosity, her grace, her mercy, he care etc., because she had it, through the indwelling Holy Spirit, and he didn’t.
Issachar SAW her LIGHT. If he didn’t he’d have NOTHING to put down. He thought, however, if he could put her down or keep her down, it would build him up. Issachar had the need to criticize her and not the other way around.
Issachar KNEW she had the indwelling Holy Spirit, which was producing spiritual fruit “IN” and “THROUGH,” but she couldn’t SEE it. So Issachar took advantage of her lack of knowledge about who she was in Christ by showing how GRAND he was in comparison to her.
Issachar NEEDED to criticize her, because he was trying to secretly compete with who she was IN Christ, but without the Holy Spirit, he was in a losing battle.
Virtuous read: “…The TRUTH (found in God’s Word) shall MAKE YOU FREE…” (JOHN 8:32 KJV).
Virtuous was, eventually liberated from Issachar’s narcissistic ways through God’s Word. It clearly upset him that he didn’t have the same effect on her as he once did.
His private character got uglier while she became more and more Christlike. It had taken Virtuous years to get here, but she’d made it. She was FREE from her parents “ideal” of perfect and her “good husband’s.” God’s grace was sufficient for her now, especially since she discovered she was a NEW CREATION in Christ Jesus.
This marriage to Issachar was a test and it had helped her discover her authentic self through painful experiences and emotional stress, but she’d had overwhelming victory! She read: “... In him (Jesus) we live (have spiritual life), and move (produce spiritual fruit), and have our being (have a spiritual identity as a new creation) ...For we are ... his offspring...” (Acts 17:28 KJV).
“... Here on earth [God’s people]... will have many trials and sorrows..." (John 16:44 NLT). Yet, “...despite all these things, overwhelming victory is [thei]rs ...” (Romans 8:37 NLT).
It didn’t matter what Issachar thought any more. It wasn’t easy to deal with his critical ways at times, but she no longer needed his approval or HIS affirmations.
He wasn’t a “good husband,” but she’d put him into the hands of the Lord and concerned herself with keeping God’s commandment for herself.
Virtuous no LONGER held onto the fantasy that Issachar would change, plus his conversion was between him and God. But one thing she was certain of Issachar was too stubborn for his own good. If he didn’t truly give or surrender his heart and life to God, he was willfully choosing to go straight to hell.
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