THE MIRACLE OF  HAVING A "GREAT" CAREGIVER!!

“…that they might KNOW…..the only true God and Jesus Christ…” (John 17:3)

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The caregiver relationship(s) are the first encounters with attachment and intimacy a new born will experience. At this very tender age an infant will begin to be shaped, influenced, and formed for future intimate relationships where bonding is meant to take place.  

An infant’s perspective about love (which is the perfect bond of unity) starts to take shape the moment he or she “draws a response,” for the first time; from their caregiver(s) (COLOSSIANS 3:14).

Therefore, the initial attachment between infant and caregiver(s) becomes the template for attachment, for the infant, throughout its lifespan. This template for attachment will remain a concrete way in which he or she is able to be intimate in other close relationships.

Another important fact to know about the infant and caregiver attachment relationship is that it will demonstrate mutuality. Mutuality is attachment in action, where infant and caregiver(s) equally contribute through intimate behaviors to the relationship.

A newborn baby is born with God-given attachment abilities to both draw a respond from their caregivers and to react to their caregiver’s loving stimuli.   

These “draw and react” attachment abilities enable infants to elicit love FROM the caregiver and react to THAT love. Ideally, the caregiver(s) lovingly provides the infant with the emotional and physical love he or she needs at the moment.

However, in order for a loving attachment to take place, both the infant and the caregiver(s), choose, to contribute to the interactions necessary to built, develop, and grow this powerful, intangible bond.

The infant and caregiver(s) have different roles in the attachment process, but both are equally important in order for the bonding process to actually take place.

The caregiver, however, has the responsibility of knowing and paying attention to the infant’s need, especially when he or she “draws a response” from them.

Mutuality in this phase is where the infant simply elicits a response and the caregiver responds. The infant elicits a response by making vocal sounds, showing emotions, or through body language. The caregiver(s) responds through calming, soothing, comforting, or touching behaviors.

The caregiver(s) communicates to the infant that it’s okay to have needs and those needs are important. Need is an intimacy building block. The caregiver joyfully and lovingly meets the infant’s needs. It’s wonderful to be needed. The infant’s need gives the caregiver purpose and makes them feel useful. Need is an intimacy building block of attachment.

Eventually, as the infant develops, the caregiver(s) begins to gently and lovingly teach the infant how to regulate some of their own internal needs.

The caregiver helps the infant regulate internal needs as a way to prepare them to self-regulate, when necessary, in the future. The purpose of teaching an infant to self-regulate “some” of their own internal needs is to teach them aspects of healthy, emotional independence; and so they will have healthy (and not overly needy) balanced relationships in the future.

The caregiver(s) wants the infant to know ALL their internal, emotional needs are important.  Therefore, by teaching the infant to self-regulate, he or she will learn to pay attention to their own personal needs.

In addition, the infant will learn to trust another person to help them meet those needs or at least, show empathy and understanding when they are trying to meet those needs themselves. Self-regulation eventually will include: knowing when they are hunger, knowing when they have to go to the bathroom, expressing when they are full or sleepy, etc.  

When the caregiver (s) meets the needs of the infant it teaches them their needs are important or significant and SOMEBODY CARES. Therefore, the infant learns “LOVE” will meet my needs (emotional and physical); and they can trust “LOVE” to empathize and understand their needs within the safety of an intimate, attachment relationship where mutuality exists.

Meeting another person’s needs is the deepest expression of love. Need builds intimacy. The most neglected needs are usually emotional needs.

However, it is the physical needs that usually get the most attention, whether from food, sex, exercise, or whatever.  Many physical attachments make you “feel good”, mainly from the hormone, oxytocin, and not necessarily from a true emotional attachment.

When oxytocin is released during an exchange of physical interactions, the “feel good,”hormone “…like an angel of light...” masquerades as a love attachment when, in fact, its not.

 “For such [attachments] are [like] false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into [love] or…the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness…” (2 Corinthians 11:13-14 KJV).

Therefore, if the caregiver does not meet the infant’s, emotional or physical, needs; the quality of the infant’s attachment skills will be severely reduced. In addition, if the caregiver does not fully participate in the initial bonding relationship, the attachment will be dysfunctional at best.

And the God-given attachment ability, within the infant, will be highly impaired and the quality of his or her skills, regarding intimacy with others, will be seriously impacted.

Wherever the caregiver(s) and infant attachment is broken, it will affect intimacy skills, for the infant, from that point, going forward. The infant will grow and develop experiencing attachment and intimacy as untrustworthy, undependable, without empathy, without understanding, and not mutually enriching.

God-given attachment abilities for the infant, especially in regard to emotional needs, are locked away, shut down, and are deemed to be unreliable or of no use. An infant that shuts down his or her God-given attachment abilities for eliciting love will most likely reject, ignore, distant themselves, become emotionally unavailable or totally unaware of attachment opportunities.

These infants may grow up unable to attach in healthy ways. However, because of universal sin, “most” people may be inept at healthy attachment on some level.

Even the best of parents, can damage the infant and caregiver attachment, especially if they don’t recognize the purpose of the attachment bond for what it was really meant to be.

Human attachments are better between infant and caregiver (s) when God’s standard of love forms the bond. God’s love “….is the PERFECT bond of unity…” (Colossians 3:15 KJV).

God’s love never fails and will outlast any other lesson the infant will ever learn (1 Corinthians 13: 8, 13).

If a person is trained, from an infant, to go the path of loving attachments, even when he or she gets old; they won’t depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). If your child is taught the love of God, within the infant and caregiver attachment, “…GREAT shall be [their] peace..” (Isaiah 54:13 KJV).

Children are said to be a heritage or gift from God (Psalm 127:3) and we understand “every good gift, and every perfect is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights….” (James 1:17 KJV). Too often we see reasons for having a baby from a very narrow perspective.

People have children for many reasons, such as: to create a family, add to the human race, to save a relationship, to have someone to care for them when they get older, to take away their loneliness, to alleviate boredom, to give their parents grandchildren, to get on welfare or stay on welfare, to have someone to leave their possessions to, its traditional, they like kids, to give purpose to their life, or a number of other reasons. None of those reasons are bad per se, but it will cause you to raise and train that child, if possibly, for your reasons only and not God’s!

The most important reason a child is gifted to you is to love and be loved. An infant is born ready to fulfil their part in the attachment relationship, but the caregiver may not be ready.

However, the bible teaches Christian parents to “…bring [their children]… up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The key phrase here is the “….nurture and admonition……of the LORD.”

It means to train them in the way of love through nurture, correction, and discipline. God does his children the same way, yet with holiness. Remember, God disciplines his children so “…that [they] might be partakers (participants) of his holiness….” (Hebrews 12:10 KJV).

“If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters [of God] at all” (Hebrews 12:8 NIV).

God’s discipline is a nurturing and loving correction. “….For whom the Lord loveth he CORRECTETH……” (Proverbs 3:12 KJV).  If you are “...blessed [through God’s discipline,]…” (Job 5:17) then your children will be blessed through your discipline. 

Therefore, children are a heritage or gift from God trusted to individuals to nurture them, first of all, through the infant and caregiver attachment. And second, to train them up for holy, and righteous living.

“Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth” (Deuteronomy 11:18-19 KJV).

God gifted the infant to the caregiver(s), for two reasons that are rarely or ever emphasized in the pulpit or other literature.  First, the caregiver is given the opportunity to walk in God’s shoes by providing for ALL the needs of the infant; and second the caregiver is given the opportunity to witness how ALL their own needs are also met, by God, like the newborn infant's.

The human caregiver has the responsibility for providing for the needs of the infant by: picking the baby up when he or she cries, cuddling them, feeding them, massaging them, kissing them, playing with them, holding or rocking them, singing to them, changing their diaper, talking to them, reading them a story, or taking a nap with them. All these activities take care of the emotional and physical needs of the child while enriching the attachment relationship.

The healthier the infant and caregiver attachment is, the greater the chances the infant will have to experience healthy, close and intimate relationships throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. 

When the caregiver(s) recognizes the most important reasons for having a child is to: bond with them through God’s love, “…the perfect bond of unity…” (Colossians 3:14 KJV) and to raise them in the “…nurture and admonition of the LORD” (Ephesians 6:14 KJV); then the “gift” has a higher purpose.

Love is humanity’s most important need and when the caregiver provides a healthy  human bond with the infant it gives them a fair chance to find intimate relationships with others in the future; and most importantly, with God. Since trust, for meeting one’s personal needs, is developed in healthy human bonds; it has been the most abused.

An infant “draws a response” from the caregiver, the caregiver will either respond or not respond. From the first time, an infant elicits the caregiver for a love response, trust either awakens or trust remains asleep.

If a trusting bond never takes place between the infant and caregiver, the long-term affect will be devastating for the infant.

The infant is totally dependent on the caregiver(s) for EVERYTHING, especially love. The lack or level of bonding love behaviors, provided by the caregiver, will profoundly impact the infant’s experiences with intimate love for the rest of the lives.

I believe a child must attach to something and even if it’s dysfunctional, an enduring, although impaired, closeness still binds the infant with the caregiver. The caregiver’s role, good or bad, creates an attachment in which the infant emerges with patterns of bonding skills that are either wholesome or damaging to their well-being.

Regardless, of how the infant emerges, their initial attachment skills were totally influenced by their caregiver(s). Poor attachment skills are linked to many behavioral problems, illnesses, suicides, identity crises, abuses, generational predispositions, repeated relationship issues, etc.

The bigger problem is not necessarily “IF” the infant is attached to the caregiver, but is the attachment is healthy or unhealthy?

Infants experiencing unhealthy attachments with caregivers may eventually find intimate relationships unpleasant or consider them unsafe or of no foreseen value. If the caregiver’s foundation for love attachments is impaired, so will the infant’s attachments be impaired and perpetuated unless TRUE LOVE intervenes.

The more dysfunctional the attachment, between infant and caregiver, the more dysfunctional and confusing the results for the infants. “…God is not the author of confusion, but of peace….” (1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV).

The bible says, “…ye must be born again...” (John 3:7).  God said you “must” be born again and thus start life as if it’s just beginning. God wants you to live as the “…new creation...” you have become in Christ (1 Corinthians 5:17).

You have a new nature now and have become an entirely different person. God provided this new birth through his Son and it has totally changed EVERYTHING about you through the power of his Holy Spirit.

In this new creation or conversion, God wants you to “…become as little children…” (Matthew 18:3 KJV). Children, during infancy, have the ability to “draw a response” from their caregiver (s) and “react to their stimuli.”

The infant, therefore, uses their God-given attachment abilities to get their needs met by drawing the caregiver’s response. God purposely send infants into the world with “needs” and hardwires them to elicit for those needs from their caregiver. Therefore, the infant will “depend” upon the caregiver to respond to their needs.

The infant has “needs” that spring from a primary “need” for love and a need is something that is required or essential. Further, what is required and essential, for the infant, is “dependent” upon the caregiver. In other words, the infant is dependent, helpless, and at the mercy of the caregiver. 

Caregivers have the role of meeting  ALL needs of the infant and were meant to be the SOURCE of those NEEDS being met. A Godly caregiver recognizes the child as a gift and will allow God to “…worketh in [them]… to both will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13 KJV).

God designed the infant and caregiver(s) to attach to one another in a mutual exchange of bonding behaviors that release the hormone, oxytocin and causes them to “feel good.” That is why it is a biological experience.

 God wanted relationships to “feel good” and be the focus and foundation of our life experiences.

This “feel good” attachment enriches, reinforces, and heightens the intangible and powerful love bond. Christians understand that God’s love is an essential part of a”… perfect bond…” of attachment (Colossians 3:14).

God’s love is not like human love, so Christian caregivers will allow and include God’s kind of love in the attachment relationship with the infant. The bible tells us, “…A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).  

Since God’s love is the most powerful BOND available to mankind; it is the primary need for the infant. The caregiver, God’s vessel, supplies the infant’s need for a Godly love attachment (2 Timothy 2:21).

When God is included in the infant and caregiver attachment “…it is not easily broken…” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT).

Attachment actually offers the best opportunity to experience a Godly bond within the infant and caregiver relationship. Especially if the caregiver “…put[s] on love, which is the perfect BOND of unity...” (Colossians 3:14 NASB); and, “…[if the caregiver]is joined unto the Lord [and] is one spirit [with him]…” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV).

In order to include God in the attachment relationship, between infant and caregiver; the caregiver must, first, be joined to God. “But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV).  

“…God is love…” (1 John 4:8 KJV).  According to the scriptures, the MARK of a godly caregiver is that they would “…have love one (caregiver) to another (infant)…” (John 13:35 KJV).

Godly caregivers would make a point of demonstrating a holy love attachment with their infant in “…like manner…”as God has loved them ( John 5:19 KJV). If God’s love is the “…perfect bond of unity…” between the caregiver and God then the caregiver knows it will be the “…perfect bond…” between their infant and themselves.

God’s love is a higher quality of love. The more the caregiver comes to know God’s kind of love for themselves; the easier it will be to transmit that love to their infant.

The bible says, “We love, because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19 ASV). Likewise, in the infant and caregiver attachment, the infant will love, because the caregiver first loves him or her.

It is important to examine how the caregiver’s love should reflect God’s love in the attachment relationship with the infant.  Corinthians chapter thirteen says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV).  

God’s kind of love is the safest, most secure and protective love we know and it is a reliable source for the caregiver and for the attachment bond.

The Holy Spirit keeps the caregiver joined to the Lord through the “One Spirit” bond, which provides a safe and secure attachment to God.

The caregiver’s attachment with God will make them feel safe and secure because: God’s love is patient and his “…..lovingkindness endureth for ever…” (Psalm 106:1, Psalm 100:5, 1 Chronicles 16:34 KJV). God’s love is kind and “….[he] careth for you… (1 Peter 5:7 KJV).

God’s love is never rude, but gracious. God’s love is not self-seeking, but self-sacrificing (John 3:16).  God’s love is not easily angered , but peaceful. God’s love will NEVER fail or end, but goes on eternally (1 Corinthians 13:8).  

The caregiver’s healthy attachment with God will be a template for a healthy relationship with their infant.

The role of the caregiver is learned through God’s role as caregiver to them. As God’s child, the human caregiver is already attached to God, the ultimate caregiver, and is “One Spirit” with him (1 Corinthians 6:17).

Therefore, the relationship with God will prepare you for future intimate relationships where bonding is meant to take place. You are a “new creation” and thus you are already prepared for intimate relationships “through” Christ.  HALLELUYAH!!

God, the GREAT Caregiver, is bonded to you through Christ and is now “One Spirit” with you, which is the ultimate and purest attachment relationship possible (1 Corinthians 6:17). God is attached to you through “love...the perfect BOND of unity.” (Colossians 3:14 NASB).  

You have a new template for forming attachments from the bonding relationship with God through Christ.

You and God, the ultimate Caregiver, are in an attached relationship, where bonding takes place because “....you are joined unto the Lord [and have become] …one spirit [with him.]” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV).

A baby is born with God-given attachment abilities to draw a respond from their caregivers. Your God-given attachment abilities are restored when you are born again (John 3:7)

However, the attachment process changes with God. You don’t “draw a response” from God, but he draws one from you. “…I … will draw all men unto me…” (John 12:32 KJV).  

God, the caregiver, changes the entire attachment process. The infant normally “draws a response,” from their human caregiver, out of “need,” God draws a response, from you, out of “desire.”

God “wants” YOU and purposely attracts you and attaches you to himself. Your original God-given attachment skills were destroyed by sin. Therefore, no one can come to God unless God draws them (John 6:64).

The infant was created with innate, God-given attachment abilities to “draw a response” from their human caregivers, who were meant to be vessels for God’s love.

Sin destroys innate, God-given attachment abilities; disabling individuals from “drawing a response” from God in order to elicit love or open up to salvation.

Thus, individuals can’t and would never come to God, on their own, unless God actually draws him or her. (John 6:64-65).

The innate, God-given attachment abilities are darkened or hardened and unredeemed; without any desire to come to God (Romans 5:10). Only God can draw you to himself and thus attach you to a “one Spirit” relationship of mutuality (John 6:64-65 and 1 Corinthians 6:17).

The “one Spirit” attachment with God includes love, the perfect bond of holy unity and restores the previous, innate, God-given attachment abilities (1 Corinthians 6:17 and Colossians 3:14). Like Lydia, God opens our hearts to respond to his truths and promises (Acts 16:14).

God wants you, and will “draw a response” from you in order to attract you to himself. God does that by talking to you, so you can hear him, and by teaching you, so you can learn from him. Everyone “who hears” and “learns” about God, will come to him (John 6:45).

By listening to and learning from God, through his Word; it will draw you to God. "It is written in the prophets, 'AND THEY SHALL ALL BE TAUGHT OF GOD.' Every one that hath heard and hath learned of the Father, cometh to me…” (John 6:45 KJV).

An infant must use their God-given attachment abilities over and over to “draw a response” from their human caregivers in order to get their needs met.

However, when “....you are joined unto the Lord [and become] …one spirit [with him]; …God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory BY Christ Jesus” (1 Corinthians 6:17 & Philippians 4:19 KJV).

The supply of need is readily available to those who are in union or attached (one spirit) to God through Christ.

An infant “draws a response” from human caregivers to get their needs met. The bible says God will “...supply ALL [our need] according to his riches in glory...” (Philippians 4:19). What is the riches of his glory? “CHRIST IN YOU” (Colossian 1:27 KJV).

Ideally, a human caregiver(s) is sufficient in their ability to love, to provide for the child’s needs, and to guide their development. If you have noticed God didn’t say he will supply your NEED, but “...ALL your NEED...” which implies there is only one need that is essential and that’s his LOVE. ^“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation (substitute, intervention) for our sins.” (1 John 4:10 KJV).

God richly provides his children with an abundant life in which to enjoy and prosper by “..supplying [their one] NEED according to his riches in glory…”.  And by “…[making] known [to them]….the riches of [his]… glory…, which is Christ in you…” (Colossians 1:27 KJV).

God, therefore, supplies both our perpetual needs and provisional needs. Perpetual needs are our ongoing spiritual needs, which we often ignore.

God richly (elaborately) supplied your salvation, through Jesus, and it was extremely costly. In addition, God richly delivered you from sin and darkness and all its affects and consequences. The “good news” of the gospel is Jesus Christ and all you have to do is “…believe on the Lord Jesus, and thou shall be saved” (Acts 16:31KJV).

God “draws a response,” from you; you respond in return by (listening & learning) about the “good news” (Ephesians 2:8). “…faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Roman 10:17 KJV)

The wonderful thing about God, the Caregiver, is that he not only draws you to respond to him, but he also gives you “the measure of faith” in order “to” respond to him (Romans 12:3).  

Faith supports, or backs up, or gives power to your NEWLY, restored God-given attachment abilities. Remember faith COMES (appears) when it hears the “good news.”  God-given faith puts a whole new spin on “I got your back.”

Faith comes to support you in fully experiencing and opening up to respond to the ‘…power of God unto salvation…” and to ensure “...you are joined unto the Lord [and become] …one spirit [with him.]” (1 Corinthians 6:17 & Romans 1:16 KJV).  

Earlier, I wrote that an infant initially “need and depend” on the human caregiver, which develops into “need and want (desire)” the human caregiver.

When an infant moves from total dependence to willful desire; a deeper mutuality, with the human caregiver(s), transpires. Some dependence is still necessary, but it decreases as the infant develops over the lifespan and willful desire, for the attachment relationship, ideally increases.

In other words, the infant “wants” the attachment relationship with the caregiver, by choice, not simply dependence, and the caregiver “wants” the infant. Continual and long lasting mutuality is the goal.

Mutuality with God is also the ultimate goal where the shared “desire” to interactively love one another is prominent, continual, and long lasting (eternal).  Mutuality is a conglomeration of reciprocal behaviors of love and affection. In mutuality there are relational benefits, relational growth and development, relational gains, relational commonality, and relational sharing.

The mutual relationship with God provides an opportunity to grow and develop into the image of Christ. The mutuality with God, therefore, offers purpose and fulfillment to one’s life. The quality of intimate interaction with God is reflected in the mutual love and affection between Christ and the believer.

 In this mutual exchange God is impacted by the believer and the believer is impacted by God. In other words, the believer gives his or herself over to God and God, through Christ, has given himself over, through his death, to the believer. The believer is therefore, opened to God’s influence and Lordship and is transformed by his intimate love

God is receptive to the believer’s prayers, is always available to meet their every need, and is ever presence wit them. God appreciates the believer and the believer appreciates God; they are actively interested in one another.

Even though there are serious differences, God understands the believer’s plight with sin and the believer respects God’s standards of holiness.

Respect and honor flow between them in order to demonstrate the love that God and the believer have for one another, which helps affirm them within the relational dyad. The prominent purpose for the mutuality, in the relationship with God, is to provide a safe, secure, protected, and intimate place for fellowship, affection, and love for the believer.

This mutuality with God, for the believer, allows for transformation. Empathy through grace and mercy highly impact the believer's personal growth and development. The believer also, therefore, is able to rely on God’s grace and mercy and loving understanding as he or she examines their heart and behaviors in light of God’s holy standards. God knows the believer and can highly empathize with his or her weaknesses and struggles with overcoming sin's influence.

Because of God’s empathy and understanding a believer can confess sins, knowing God will forgive and cleanse his or her sins and not simply judge or criticize. In addition, a believer can admit his or her inner truth by sharing authentic needs, feelings and thoughts with God in the mutual relationship. Further, God allows for weakness and room for imperfections, which allows them to grow through mistakes and shortcomings. This enhances trust and sharing in the mutual relationship between Christ and the believer.

The mutual relationship with God promotes intrinsic, Christlike values within the believer’s heart. Intrinsic values, ideally, will be expressed through outward praise, obedience, and worship. Where does the mutual relationship begin with God?

In the relationship with God, the Caregiver, he does the “drawing for a response.” The believer is enabled to respond or be opened to God’s drawing, by faith, via hearing and learning about the “good news” of the gospel.

This begins the relationship of mutuality when “....you are joined [attached] unto the Lord [and become] …one spirit [with him.]” (1 Corinthians 6:17 KJV). In the mutuality relationship, between Christ and the believer, an “one spirit” attachment actually took place.

“One Spirit” attachment, where you are “joined” to Lord, means you are NOW a part of who God is to the point you have become an entirely new person. Flour, eggs, milk, and sugar are single ingredients yet joined together they can possibly become a “cake” or an undivided whole.

Individually the ingredients remain the same, but joined together, they become a part of an unit that turns them into a new creation (cake).  Therefore, believers are joined together with Jesus and like Jesus they can say, "I and my Father are one." (John 10:30 KJV).

In Hebrew, oneness (echadh) defines a “unity.” This unity is a spiritual attachment that I believe is unique to God (Deuteronomy 6:4). God draws you and joins (attaches) his Spirit with yours through Jesus. You can also say, “… I and my Father are one…”  (John 10:30). Jesus said, “…that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me…” (John 17:21-23 NASB).

 “One spirit” attachment is unique to God and therefore a holy bond. This holy bond is the joining (attaching) of man’s soul and God’s Spirit through Jesus. What God joins together, “…let no one separate…” (Matthew 10:9 ASV).

It is a permanent, holy, unbreakable, and spiritual bond. God, as your caregiver, plans to care for you for the rest of eternity, through the mutual (One Spirit) relationship.

Because of this holy bond, the bible says, you have become “….a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).

Therefore, every believer was once spiritually dead or had a spirit similar to a deflated balloon until Jesus refilled them. Your spirit or “deflated balloon” per se becomes immediately inflated when you are “joined” to the Lord; making you a new creation in Christ.

Without joining or attaching to God, you are spiritual dead or deflated.  Anyone separated from God or spiritual deflated is “…dead in trespasses and sin” (Ephesians 2:1 KJV).

A deflated balloon can be refilled with air again and spiritual death can be reversed when you are “joined” to the Lord. God’s “one spirit” attachment makes you spiritually “…alive together with [Christ]…” (Colossians 2:13 ASV).

God reverses spiritual death by drawing you to himself and permanently attaching himself to you for all eternity (Titus 3:5).

The analogy of a deflated balloon is only an imagery of how God’s original “one spirit” attachment to humanity became spiritually marred (detached) through the fall.

After the fall, man became deflated, or detached from the Holy Spirit. However, when you became inflated or reattached to the Lord, you also become a “new creation” in Christ and immediately “…old things ….passed away…”

You have been restored to the image of God with the inflating or filling of your spiritual balloon per se because you are NOW attached (one spirit) again to God.

This powerful attachment boggles the human mind and is hard to grasp. That’s why God says to “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind….” (Romans 12:1 KJV). 

Your old thought patterns, emotions, habits, identities, and behaviors regarding attachment are still there, but they no longer apply to you. Your spiritual balloon is filled/inflated, you are again “joined” (attached) to God, and can RIGHT NOW walk in the newness of life.

Walking in the newness of life requires you to exercise your God-given faith in your new identity in Christ. When you choose to believe, faith BACKS you up and helps strengthen your trust in God’s truths. You are RIGHT NOW a new creation in Jesus.

Accepting God’s love and your new identity takes time.  You are, RIGHT NOW, a “new creation” in Christ. You are “joined” or attached, RIGHT NOW, to the Lord. You are ONE, RIGHT NOW, with God, the Father. You are, in fact, RIGHT NOW, “one Spirit” with God, the caregiver.

God said, “…I … will draw all men unto me…” (John 12:32 KJV). Love is the drawing  power of God As you draw near to God, he will continually draw near to you (James 4:8). ^“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son...” (1 John 4:10 KJV).  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

God sent his Son out of his love for YOU. God sent His Son as the Way to“…[supply] all your need according to the riches “in” Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19 KJV). Love and care (supplying need) go together.

His only begotten Son represents and proves his deep LOVE for YOU. Again, ^“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son...” (1 John 4:10 KJV).

God draws you, attaches you to himself through a “one Spirit” love bond, and then promises to take care of all your need. To top it off and unlike human experiences, “…God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship (bondship) of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord…” (1 Corinthians 1:9 KJV).

Need is something that is deemed essential, required, and basic. Need is a building block of intimacy. God created the infant to “need” the caregiver as a component of their attachment relationship.

 Traditionally, basic needs, which never change, include: food, shelter, and clothing.

However, in psychology, a man named Maslow posits that needs are numerous and will motivate people to do whatever is necessary to get those needs fulfilled.

He implied that a person may have a “motivation system” that most likely drives them to get their needs fulfilled. It sounds similar to the innate, God-given attachment abilities that motivate an infant to “draw a response” from human caregivers in order to get their needs met.

Maslow created something called the hierarchy of needs, which he reports are motivational needs. Depending on which need is most prominent, in an individual’s life, will determine the priority of the drive to get it fulfilled.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs include:  five stages of need, five levels, five categories, and a five group pyramid.  

The five needs are biological needs, the need for safety, the need for love, the need for esteem, and the need for self-awareness.

According to Maslow, whenever any of these needs go unmet, individuals become motivated to fulfill them. The longer the need goes unmet, the stronger the motivation becomes to fulfill them. In Maslow’s five group pyramid, the lowest level of need must be met first before progressing upward to the next level of needs. In the long run, however, and ideally, all needs will eventually be met.

Realistically, progression from the lowest level need to the highest level need is not exact and will actually fluctuate between levels. Maslow believed only one in a hundred people fully met all five levels.

Maslow posits that needs usually include some or all of the following: food, shelter, clothing, sleep, comfort, sex, safety, security, a moral compass, values, stability, love, belonging, intimacy, attachment, family, friendship, romance, purpose, self-worth, hope, affirmation, significance, personal achievement, mutual respect, understanding, acceptance, personal growth and development, ability, fulfillment, experience and self-awareness.

These needs fluctuate from one stage to another, but I believe the need for love never changes. I believe, love is an ongoing need, which is essential to an individual’s overall well-being and one of humanity’s most profound requirements. Relationships, of course, are one of the most sought out dyads for fulfilling the deep seated need for love.

However, finding healthy, wholesome, and consistently loving relationships are like looking for that proverbial needle in a haystack. Unfortunately, for too many people, the ability to form healthy, wholesome, and loving relationships were possibly destroyed in infancy.

Early infant and caregiver experiences seriously impact an individual’s pattern of bonding with others. After several failed relationships, individuals may decide to find other ways to meet the need for love, such as food, sex, drugs, etc.

Others may self-evaluate and be open to learning new ways to make their relationships work and bond.

The relationship with God through Christ is the best place to start learning new ways to having a healthy, loving, intimate relationship that lasts and flourishes. ^“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son...” (1 John 4:10 KJV).  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

By meeting your need for love, God’s desire is met also. God doesn’t need you, but he WANTS you. The caregiver doesn’t necessarily need the infant, but he or she wants the infant.

Many of you go into a relationship with the priority of getting your needs met; not necessarily meeting the needs of another.

God is the example, so this is love: First, God so loved you. Second, God sent his Son. ^“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son...” (1 John 4:10 KJV).   God felt the emotion of love for YOU and followed it up by the action of sending his son. This is love, not that you loved God, but that he loved you. God’s goal was not to meet his own need, but YOURS.

This is a profound truth and the very reason there is no greater love than the love of God. What motivated God was his LOVE for YOU. God’s love motivated him, so he wrapped himself in Jesus and sent him to you. This is PROOF of God’s love.

God wanted YOU! He was seeking to reconcile you to himself and establish a long-term, loving relationship with you. “…God was in Christ, reconciling the world (YOU) unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them… ” (2 Corinthians 5:17-20 KJV).

However, in order to be reconciled to our Holy God, sin had to be dealt with. Jesus was God’s choice and method for solving the sin problem for all humanity.

God’s love sends a clear message about his desire to have a relationship with YOU and what he chose to do to reconcile YOU to himself. “For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:” (1 Corinthians 15:3-4 KJV).

God is holy (separated from sin and darkness) and “…the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23). Sin is disobedience and must be penalized. God came up with a way to penalize sin, but keep YOU.

He WANTS you and therefore, made a way to reconcile with you, yet penalize sin.  “…All have sinned (including you) and fallen short of the glory of God…” Thus all (including you) actually deserve death, which is eternal separation from God. However, God sent his Son (Romans 3:23).

The Holy God can’t let sin go unpunished and without Jesus we would ALL suffer, deservingly, eternal death and damnation. But, God WANTED YOU and LOVED YOU, so much, he sent Jesus to take your punishment instead.

When you trust in Jesus as Savior, you are actually exchanging places with him; you go FREE and Jesus SUFFERS your punishment.

God’s ways are past finding out, but he personally chose Jesus to be the penalty for our sins. According to the bible, Jesus is “…the way and the truth, and the life…” and no one comes, or is reconciled, or in a relationship with God unless they come through Jesus (John 14:6).  It is through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus that sinful humanity, by faith, is reconciled with God and no other way.

Without being restored to the original created image of God, humanity is marred by the sin nature and headed for eternal punishment. God has declared Jesus to be THE WAY, for sinful humanity, to be restored and reconciled to him. This is not an opinion based on man’s rationale, but it is God’s requirement based on biblical truth and thus is not debatable.

If God said everyone who doesn’t believe in Jesus will die in their sins and is condemned already, then it’s true (John 3:17-18). Take it up with God, because it’s true whether you believe it or not. However, God WANTS YOU and LOVES YOU and shows it through his grace and mercy in Christ Jesus.

You don’t have to face eternal death or condemnation. God would whether you didn’t, but it is up to you to choose THE WAY he has provided to get out of sin’s ultimate consequences. God’s truth is the only one that matters and THE WAY, which is Jesus, is the one that is right in God’s eyes.

“And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21) “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;” (1 Timothy 2:5) “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved” (Acts 4:11 KJV).

God is your GREAT CAREGIVER!!! IT IS A MIRACLE TO HAVE SUCH A "GREAT" CAREGIVER!!