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TRANSFORMING INTIMACY

GOD IS YOUR CAREGIVER

“…that they might KNOW…..the only true God and Jesus Christ…” (John 17:3)

People have children for many reasons, such as: to create a family, add to the human race, to save a relationship, to have someone to care for them when they get older, to take away their loneliness, to alleviate boredom, for give their parent’s grandchildren, to get on welfare or stay on welfare, to have someone to leave their possessions to, its traditional, they like kids, to give purpose to their life, or a number of other reasons. None of those reasons are bad per se, but it will cause you to raise and train that child, if possibly, for your reasons only and not God’s!
The most important reason you were born was to love and be loved and a infant is ready to fulfilled their part, but the caregiver(s) may not be ready.

However, the bible teaches Christian parents to “…bring [their children]… up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). The key phrase here is the “….nurture and admonition……of the LORD.” It means to train them in the way of love, correction, and discipline. In otherwords, train them for the same reasons God does his own children; for holiness. Remember, God disciplines his children so “…that [they] might be partakers of his holiness….” (Hebrews 12:10 KJV).

“If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all” (Hebrews 12:8 NIV). God’s discipline is a nurturing and loving correction. “….for whom the Lord loveth he CORRECTETH……” (Proverbs 3:12 KJV). If you are “...blessed [through] God disciplines…” (Job 5:17) then your children will be blessed through your discipline.

Keep in mind, children are a heritage or gift from God trusted to individuals to nurture them, first of all, through the infant/caregiver(s) attachment, through mutual exchanges, that will create a lasting, loving bond. And second, to train them for holy and righteous living.
^"Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. Teach them to your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Inscribe them on the doorposts and gates of your cities so that you’ll live a long time, and your children with you, on the soil that God promised to give your ancestors for as long as there is a sky over the Earth" (Deuteronomy 11:18-19 MSG).

God gifted this child to the caregiver(s), for two reasons that are rarely or ever emphasized in the pulpit or other literature. First, the caregiver is given the opportunity to walk in God’s shoes by providing for the needs of the infant; and second the caregiver is given the opportunity to witness how their own needs are to be met and received, by God, through the infant.

The human caregiver has the responsibility for providing for the needs of the infant by: picking the baby up when he or she cries, cuddling them, feeding them, massaging them, kissing them, playing with them, holding or rocking them, singing to them, changing their diaper, talking to them, reading them a story, or sleeping with them. All these activities take care of the emotional and physical needs of the child while enriching the attachment relationship.

The greater the infant/caregiver(s) attachment, the greater chances a child has to experience close and intimate relationships throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. When the caregiver(s) recognizes the most important reason for having a child is to: attach to them through God’s love, “…the perfect bond of unity…” (Colossians 3:14 KJV) and to raise them in the “…nurture and admonition of the LORD” (Ephesians 6:14 KJV); then the “gift” is realized.

Love is humanity’s most important need and when the caregiver provides a healthy human attachment for the infant it gives them a fair chance to find intimate relationships with others, in the future; and then, most importantly, with God. Since trust, for meeting one’s personal needs, is developed in healthy human attachments and cements most intimate relationships; its most abused.

An infant “stimulates a response” from the caregiver(s), the caregiver(s) will either respond or not respond. From the first time, an infant elicits the caregiver for a love response, trust awakens or trust remains sleep. If a trusting attachment never takes place between the infant and caregiver, the long-term affect will be devastating for the infant.

The infant is totally dependent on the caregiver(s) for EVERYTHING, especially love. The lack or level of attaching love behaviors, provided by the caregiver, will profoundly impact the infant’s experiences with intimate love for the rest of the lives.

I believe a child must attach to something and even if it’s dysfunctional, an enduring impaired closeness binds the infant with the caregiver(s). The caregiver(s) role, good or bad, creates a healthy or unhealthy attachment in which the infant emerges with patterns of bonding skills that are either wholesome or damaging to their well-being.

Regardless, of how the infant emerges, their initial attachment skills were totally influenced by their caregiver(s). Poor attachment skills are linked to many behavioral problems, illnesses, suicide, identities, abuses, generational predispositions, repeated relationship issues, etc. The bigger problem is not necessarily “IF” the infant was attached to the caregiver(s), but what is healthy or unhealthy?

Infants experiencing unhealthy attachments with caregiver(s) may eventually find intimate relationships unpleasant or consider them unsafe or of no foreseen value. If the caregiver(s) foundation for love attachments is impaired, so will the infant’s attachments be impaired and perpetuated unless TRUE LOVE intervenes.

The more dysfunctional the love attachment between infant and caregiver (s) the more dysfunctional and confusing the results or ramifications. “…God is not the author of confusion, but of peace….” (1 Corinthians 14:23 KJV).