ARE YOU BEING CHEATED?
ARE YOU BEING CHEATED?
“…Be ye not unequally yoked
together with unbelievers: for what
fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion hath light with
darkness? And
what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?...”
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV).
*
Two oxen can be joined
together with a wooden bar called a yoke and together they pull whatever load
they are given as a team.
However if one oxen is
stronger, taller, weaker, shorter, smaller, or bigger than the other oxen they
will be unequally yoked.
If the oxen are
unequally yoked they will not be able to fairly share the load or finish the
task they’ve been given. The two oxen can end up being completely off balance
or going around in redundant circles. “…Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together…”
(Deuteronomy 22:10 KJV).
The bible says, “…Be
ye not unequally yoked together.
with unbelievers...” (2 Corinthians
6:14-15 KJV). An unbeliever (infidel) is the opposite of someone who believes,
which means they have NOTHING in common. “…What part hath he that believeth with an infidel?...” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15
KJV).
A cheater can be an
unbeliever. A cheater can be a believer who is NOT walking in God’s truth. A
victim can be an unbeliever. A victim can be a believer who is NOT walking in
God’s truth.
An unbeliever is a condemned
person who has NOT accepted Christ as savior. “…He that believeth on him is not condemned: but HE THAT BELIEVETH NOT IS CONDEMNED ALREADY,
because HE HATH
NOT BELIEVED in the name of the only begotten Son of God. …”
(John 3:18-20 KJV).
A cheater can also be someone
who DOES NOT KEEP God’s commands AFTER they claim to have accepted Christ as
savior. “….if ye LOVE me… keep my commandments…” (John
14:15 KJV). “…If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person IS A LIAR and is not living in the truth…”
(1 John 2:4 NLT). “…If we “SAY” that we have
fellowship with him,
and WALK IN DARKNESS (like a cheater), WE LIE, and DO
NOT THE TRUTH…” (1 John 1:6 KJV).
A cheater is NOT
righteous and has NOTHING in common with a righteous person. “…what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness...”
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV).
The CHEATER is governed
by carnal principles similar to those of Satan. One of those principles is being a
LIAR. “…You are of your
father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the
beginning, and does not stand in the
truth because there is no truth in him.
Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar
and the father of lies…”
(John 8:44 NASB).
A cheater has NOTHING in
common with Christians who are walking in the light of God’s truth. “…what
communion hath light with darkness?...”
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV). Cheaters
love the darkness. “….MEN LOVED DARKNESS
RATHER THAN LIGHT, because THEIR DEEDS WERE EVIL. For every one that doeth evil hateth the light,
neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved…”
(John 3:18-20 KJV).
The CHEATER is usually
masquerading as a believer. One of those masquerades is pretending to be
servants of righteousness. “…Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.
It is not surprising, then, if his
servants also masquerade as
servants of righteousness…” (2
Corinthians 11:14-15 NASB).
A cheater CAN NOT and WILL NOT
produce “good” (spiritual) fruit. “…A good tree CANNOT bring forth evil fruit, neither
can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. WHEREFORE BY THEIR FRUIT YE SHALL KNOW THEM…...”
(Matthew 7:16-22 KJV).
The CHEATER usually “performs”
fruit-like behaviors, but it is something he or she PERFORMS only to gain an
advantage. “…Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have
we not prophesied
in thy name?
and in thy name
have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
And
then will I profess unto them, I never knew you:
depart from me, ye
that work iniquity…”
(Matthew 7:22-23 KJV).
One of the fruit-like behaviors,
of cheaters, is lip-service. They are FAR from God and their heart is NOT right
with him either. “…This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me…” (Mark 7:6 KJV). “…for
thy heart is not right in the
sight of God…” (Acts 8:21 KJV).
God sees the Cheater’s heart, which
teaches people how we are to truly SEE people. “...God sees not as man sees,
for man
looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart…”(1 Samuel 16:7 NASB). The “…hidden man of the heart…” (1 Peter 3:4 KJV). It
is “…from
within, out of the heart of man, proceed evil thoughts… wickedness…All these evil things come
from within,
and defile a person.” (Mark 7:21-23 KJV). The
heart “…is deceitful above all things and
desperately wicked…who can know it [except God?]…”
(Jeremiah 17:9 KJV).
A cheater and a believer are “unequally yoked.” It doesn’t matter
whether it is a engaged relationship, friendship, kinship, partnership, or
courtship; the two have NOTHING in common. “….What concord (commonality) hath Christ with Belial?...”
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV).
When a believer enters into an
unequally yoked relationship the
outcome will be disastrous (2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV). “…Be
ye not unequally yoked together with
unbelievers: ...” (2 Corinthians
6:14-15 KJV). This is NOT an optional
command.
“….When
you follow the desires of your sinful nature,
the results are very clear:
sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry… selfish ambition …and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I
have before, that
anyone living that sort of
life WILL NOT inherit the Kingdom of God. …”
(Galatians 5:22-23 NLT).
Again, “….When
you follow the desires of your sinful nature,
the results are very clear…”
(Galatians 5:22-23 NLT). Unequally yoked relationships, for believers, are also
called adultery, fornication, co-habitation, or any form of sexual immorality.
“…When you follow the desires of your
sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual
immorality…anyone living that sort of life WILL NOT inherit the Kingdom of God. …”
(Galatians 5:22-23 NLT).
Other believers may NOT
say anything to you about being “unequally
yoked” and nonbelievers may totally condone or support your sexually
immoral lifestyle, whatever it is, but your allegiance is to God, not man. “…what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world,
and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36 KJV). “…ye shall be holy unto me: for I the Lord am holy, and have severed you
from other people, that ye should be mine. …”
(Leviticus 20:26 KJV).
Compromising your faith to be
in a relationship with a cheater does NOT mean God will compromise his holy
standards for you. God is ALWAYS HOLY and he doesn’t EVER change.
“… I AM HOLY...” (1
Peter 1:14-16 KJV). “There is none holy as the Lord…” (1 Samuel 2:2 KJV). “…be holy, because I am holy…” (1 Peter
1:16 KJV). “…I am the Lord, I change NOT…” (Malachi 3:6 KJV).
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”
(Hebrews 13:8 NIV).
Just because you still
do religious things while in the relationship with the cheater, won’t make it
right with God. Repentance from sin is NOT an option. “…For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet OFFEND in ONE point, he is
guilty of ALL…”
(James 2:10 KJV). “….God …now commandeth
all men every where to REPENT…”
(Acts 17:30 KJV). “…REPENT and TURN TO God, performing deeds
appropriate to REPENTANCE…”
(Acts 26: 20 NASB). "…Therefore REPENT AND RETURN,
“SO” that your sins may be wiped away…” (Acts 3:19 NASB).
A cheater is unrepentant and will lie
about their religious commitments. You will know whether they
are telling the truth by their spiritual fruit. “…WHEREFORE
BY THEIR FRUIT YE SHALL KNOW THEM…...” (Matthew 7:16-22
KJV).
A cheater will tell a believer
he or she knows God, but they are not keeping his commandments.
“…If someone claims, “I know God,” but
doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person IS A LIAR and is not living in the
truth…” (1 John 2:4 NLT). “…If we “SAY”
that we have fellowship with him, and WALK IN DARKNESS (like an unChristlike cheater),
WE LIE, and DO NOT THE TRUTH…” (1 John 1:6
KJV).
There is a tragic imbalance in
the difference of worldviews, ethical codes, moral values, and biblical principles
between cheaters and believers. “…What concord
(commonality) hath Christ with Belial?...”
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV).
A cheater’s daily decisions
often reflect the true fruit of their actions. . “…They …serve ….their
OWN belly…”
(Romans 16:18 KJV). “…The one who does
what is sinful is of the devil… …” (1
John 3:8 NIV).
Cheaters are usually NOT
willing to change or abandon behaviors that impact the other person in the
relationship. “But the people (including cheaters) replied, “Don’t waste your breath. We will continue to live as we want
to, stubbornly following our own evil desires…”
(JEREMIAH 18:12 NLT).
When a Christian is in a
relationship with a cheater; they will often feel pressured to compromise their
own worldviews, ethical conduct, moral values, and biblical principles. “…Don’t do as the wicked do, and don’t
follow
the path of evildoers. Don’t
even think about it don’t go that way. Turn away and keep moving…”
(Proverbs 4:14-17 NLT). “…The
highway to hell is broad, and
its gate is wide for
the many who CHOOSE that way. …”
(Matthew 7:13-14 NLT).
Somewhere along the way, the believer
can or will be manipulated or brainwashed by the cheater. “…Let no one deceive you with empty words…”
(Ephesians 5:6 NASB).
The cheater manipulates them
into moving away from their own personal convictions for the sake of
maintaining or sustaining a relationship with them. “…associate with fools and get in trouble….”
(Proverbs 13:20 NLT). “…Thus saith the
Lord, ‘LEARN NOT
the ways of the heathen….’”
(Jeremiah 10:2 KJV). “…Make no
friendship
with an angry man….lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul…”
(Proverbs 22:24-25 KJV).
A
cheater may know the ordinances or commands of God, but knows he or she doesn’t
practice them. They also know the victim doesn’t practice them either. “…and although they know the ordinance of God,
[and]… that those who [don’t]…practice [them]…are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those
who [don’t]…practice them [either]…” (Romans 1:32 NASB).
The cheater draws and
entices the victim away through their own lusts. “…But every
man (or woman) is tempted,
when he
(or she) is drawn
away of his (or her) own lust,
and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it BRINGETH FORTH SIN: and sin, when it
is finished, BRINGETH FORTH DEATH…”
(James 1:13-15 NLT).
A victim’s OWN personal
areas of unbelief can make them vulnerable to a cheater’s deceitful schemes and
lies. “…See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God…”
(Hebrews 3:12 NIV). “…My
people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…” (Hosea 4:6 NIV). “…The thief cometh
…to
destroy…”
(John 10:10 KJV).
Once a cheater gains an
emotional advantage over a believer through a close, intimate alliance, or the
one-flesh connection they can influence them almost like a puppet master. “…[Cheaters]… are such [that]… serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words
and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple…”
(Romans 16:18 KJV). “…Let
no one deceive you with
empty words…” (Ephesians 5:6 NASB).
Having an emotional bond with
a cheater makes it nearly impossible to cut off the attachment even when a
believer’s emotional health is in serious jeopardy. “…Who
will free me
from this life that is dominated by sin (the cheater)? …” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).
A cheater gains advantage
through areas of weakness and need in the believer. “…They
are the kind who work their way into
people’s homes
and win the
confidence of vulnerable women who are burdened
with the guilt of sin and controlled by various desires…”
(2 Timothy 3:6 NLT).
A cheater will gain his or her
influence by mentally exploiting another person in order to win control, power,
and privilege, over them, at their expense. “…by
good words and fair speeches …[they]…deceive
the hearts of the simple…” (Romans
16:18 KJV). “…Let
no one deceive you with
empty words…” (Ephesians 5:6 NASB).
Healthy influence is different
from unhealthy manipulation. Healthy influence benefits both parties in a
relationship. Manipulation benefits the cheater in the relationship at the
expense of the other party. “…In the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own
selves
…they ….creep
into houses, and lead captive (enslave) silly women (men too)…”
(2 Timothy 3:1-6 KJV).
A cheater is usually a manipulator.
A cheater deliberately creates a relationship with another person to steal or
rob them of their personal power and then exploits them emotionally to serve
his or her agenda.
“…The thief cometh
…to steal,
and to kill, and to destroy…” (John 10:10 KJV).
A cheater is only able to
exploit another person emotionally when they have detected their weaknesses and
then uses those weaknesses for dishonest gain. “…Above all else, guard your
heart, for everything you
do flows from it…” (Proverbs 4:23 KJV). “…do not give the devil
an opportunity…” (Ephesians 4:27 NASB).
In addition, they will slowly,
but surely begin to steal and rob you of your self-respect, self-esteem, self-
honor, confidence, self-love, independence, dignity, etc. “…by good words and fair speeches …[they]…deceive
the hearts of the simple…”
(Romans 16:18 KJV). “…The thief cometh
…to steal…” (John 10:10 KJV). Therefore,
“…Let no one deceive you with empty words…”
(Ephesians 5:6 NASB).
A cheater will manipulate you
into giving up more and more of yourself in order to keep you serving them,
like a slave, and carrying out their own self-agendas. “…See to it that no one takes you captive through
philosophy and empty deception,
according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of
the world, rather than according to Christ…”(Colossians 2:8
NASB).
Once a cheater has you in their clutches, they
will take advantage of you over and over again; making you think and feel as if
you have absolutely no power to stop them. “…[You]…can do all things through Christ which
strengtheneth (empowers)[you]….”
(Philippians 4:13 KJV).
It makes the victim of the
cheater feel foolish, when they become aware of the wiles of the cheater. They feel
helpless, for a variety of reasons, to do anything about it. “The trouble is with me, for I
am all too human, a slave to sin (the
cheater). I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. So I am not the one
doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know
that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t.
I don’t want
to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. I have discovered this
principle of life—that when I want to do what is right,
I inevitably do what is wrong. I
[am] …a slave to the sin (the
cheater) that is … within
me (a part of me). Oh,
what a miserable person I am!…” (Romans
7:14-25 NLT).
Cheating manipulators are hard
to deal with and it is best not to be “unequally
yoked” with them at all. “…Be
ye not unequally yoked together.
with unbelievers...” (2 Corinthians
6:14-15 KJV).
Unfortunately, there are
chronic cheaters who are chronic manipulators that have deep seated and complex
issues. LET THEM GO and STAY AWAY FROM THOSE TYPES! “…I am writing to you that you
must not associate with
anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such
people…” (1 Corinthians 5:11 NASB).
Once “unequally yoked” in an emotional bond with a cheater it is NOT easy
to untangle yourself from the emotional stronghold they have on you. BUT it can
be done! We will talk about that in the next chapter. “…I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t….I don’t want to do what is
wrong, but I do it anyway. …” (Romans 7:14-25 NLT).
A cheater uses manipulation
(satanic) tactics that they KNOW will work and secure their position of control
over you. One of those tactics is FEAR. For instance, if the victim has
problems with “worthiness” the cheater will lavish them with emotional worthiness
and then threaten to take it away if they don’t do what “they” want. “...And supper being ended, the devil having
now put into the heart of
Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him…”(John 13:2 KJV).
Another one of a cheater’s
(satanic) tactics is NEED. For instance, if the victim has a DEEP-ROOTED need
for “love,” “self-esteem,” “acceptance” or “whatever” the cheater will lavish
them in those places of emotional need and then threaten to take it away it
they don’t do what “they” want. “But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost?...” (Acts 5:3 KJV).
The beautiful LIES of the cheater FEEL
good, emotionally, for the moment, but they don’t last. The victim has to
sacrifice too much of themselves for so little. They die a little each day in
the relationship with a cheater. “…There is a way which seemeth right unto a man,
but the end thereof are the ways of DEATH...” (Proverbs
14:20 KJV). “…There is a way that seemeth right
unto a man, but the end thereof are
the ways DEATH ….” (Proverbs
16:25 KJV). “…and sin,
when it is finished, BRINGETH FORTH DEATH…”
(James 1:13-15 NLT).
In addition, the cheater will
make them think and feel they can’t and won’t get their needs met from anyone
else, but “them.” “….Don't
put your confidence in … people (or a cheater); there is no
help for you there….” (Psalms 146: 3 NLT). “…Trust [only]…in the Lord with all thine heart…” (Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV).
The cheater DOES NOT have life-giving
words, but Jesus DOES. “…Simon Peter answered him (Jesus), “Lord, to whom shall we go?
“You” (not a cheater) have
the words of eternal life…”
(John 6:25-69 NIV).
The cheater does NOT want the
“unequally yoked” believer to ever
discover their freedom in Christ Jesus or that God is the one who supplies ALL
their need. “….if the Son sets you free, you will be FREE
INDEED…” (John 8:36 NIV). “…God will supply all [your need]…” (Philippians
4:19 NASB). AND “…God will generously
PROVIDE all you need. Then
you will always have everything you
need and plenty left over to “SHARE” WITH OTHERS…” (2 Corinthians
9:8 NLT).
Trying to figure out or change
the cheater is not the goal. He or she is NOT behaving as a child of God. “….You who are full
of all deceit and fraud, you son of the
devil, you enemy of all righteousness, will you not cease to make crooked the straight ways of the Lord?”
(Acts 13:10 NASB).
The goal is to recognize that
you are “unequally yoked” and in an
emotional bond with a cheater. You need to GET OUT! LEAVE THEM IN GOD’S HANDS! “…God has shown us a way to be MADE RIGHT with him….
We are MADE RIGHT with
God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. …in his grace, [God]…freely MAKES US RIGHT in his sight.
…For God presented Jesus as the
SACRIFICE for sin. People are MADE RIGHT with God when they believe that Jesus
SACRIFICED his life, shedding his blood. ….HE MAKES SINNERS RIGHT (not people) in his sight when they believe in
Jesus…” (Romans 3:21-26 NLT). “…the GOODNESS of God leadeth [the cheater]… to
repentance?” (Romans
2:4 ASV). “…The Lord isn't really being
slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for [their]… SAKE.
He does not want anyone to be destroyed,
but wants everyone to repent…” (2 Peter 3: 9 NLT).
The cheater has manipulated
you into becoming someone you DO NOT want to be and you GAVE them that power. “…Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil,
prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (consume, dispose of, lie to, etc.)…” (1 Peter 5:8 NASB), “…Submit therefore to God (not the cheater). Resist the devil
and he will flee from you…” (James 4:7 NIV).
If you are a believer, you are
allowing the cheater to undermine you OWN self-worth. “…For in
him (Jesus Christ) we live and move and have our being (self-worth).’ … ‘We are his
offspring…” (Acts 17:28 NIV).
The cheater needs God’s help
NOT yours. “.HE (God) MAKES SINNERS RIGHT in his sight
when they believe in Jesus…”
(Romans 3:21-26 NLT).
If you don’t escape from the
cheater’s clutches; how can you help them anyway? “…Let your light so shine before men, that
they may see
your good works, …”
(Matthew 5:16 KJV). “…Opponents (like cheaters)
must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance
leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that
they will come to their “senses” and “escape”
from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will…”
(2 Timothy 2:23-25 NIV).
Even if you believe the
cheater is a God-given assignment, you can’t help them if you participate with
their sinful dynamics. “Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean…”
(2 Corinthians 6:13-17 NASB).
For example, to wives
God says, “…if any (disobedient husbands)
obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of
the wives. While they behold your chaste conversation….[So]…let it be the hidden man of the heart …that ...of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of
great price…” (1 Peter 3:1-3 KJV).
The victim/believer is
allowing the cheater to quench the indwelling power within them. “…Quench NOT the Spirit…” (1
Thessalonians 5:19 KJV). “…And do not bring sorrow
to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his
own …”
(Ephesians 4:30 NLT).
Your OWN maladaptation is a
result of being “unequally yoked” and
emotionally bonded to the cheater. “…The Lord replies, “This
has happened because my
people have ABANDONED MY INSTRUCTIONS; they have refused to obey what I said….”
(JEREMIAH 9:13 NLT). “…Be ye not unequally yoked together.
with unbelievers...” (2 Corinthians
6:14-15 KJV).
It is also a result of ignoring
the indwelling Holy Spirit within you that has set you free from ALL forms of
bondage. “..The law of the Spirit
of life in Christ Jesus has
set you free from the law of sin and of death…” (Romans 8:2 NASB).
The cheater’s whole purpose,
in the relationship with you, is to gain an advantage. Therefore, your
authentic self and personal power is totally and completely under attack as
long as the cheater is in control. “….have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness,
but rather reprove them.…” (Ephesians
5:11 -12 KJV)
A cheater is NOT trying to be
fair to you. They are NOT trying to consider your standards of life and rise to
the occasion. Their agenda is about their self-interests NOT yours and
therefore, or most likely, they are NOT trying to “be better” for your sake. Therefore, “…let
no man deceive you with vain words…be not ye therefore
partakers with them…”
(Ephesians 5:6-7 KJV).
A chronic cheater manipulator
needs to be completely CUT OFF by the victim. The victim should NOT engage in a
lifelong effort to change them and thus should STOP all communications. “Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. …”
(2 Corinthians 6:13-17 NASB).
Victims who attempt to CHANGE
the cheater end up going against their authentic self. “….have
no fellowship with the unfruitful works of
darkness …” (Ephesians 5:11 -12 KJV). “…So, if you think you are standing firm, be
careful that you don't fall!” (1
Corinthians 10:12 NIV).
Victims will find themselves spending
days, weeks, months, and years trying to actually manipulate, whether
consciously or unconsciously, the chronic cheater into changing while further deepening
their own pain and hurts.
“… [GOD]…MAKES SINNERS RIGHT in his
sight when they believe in Jesus…”
(Romans 3:21-26 NLT).
Trying to change the cheater
through passive manipulation - at the risk of your OWN, ONGOING pain - and out
of desperation for a different result, will STILL not get you what you want
from the relationship. ONLY“…God
will supply all
[your need]…” (Philippians 4:19 NASB).
Work on changing and freeing
yourself and NOT the cheating manipulator. “… [GOD]…MAKES
SINNERS RIGHT in his sight when they believe in Jesus…”
(Romans 3:21-26 NLT).
What does the cheater USE to
GAIN such control over you? They use YOUR FEELINGS and EMOTIONS. The cheater
LEADS or CONTROLS you by gaining advantage over your emotions. “…do not give the devil an opportunity…”
(Ephesians 4:27 NASB).
God tells us two important
principles to follow in order to avoid letting cheaters gain such control. 1. “…Be not conformed to this world: but be
ye transformed
by the renewing
of your mind…” (Romans 12:2 KJV). 2. “…let the Holy Spirit guide
your lives.
…” (Galatians 5 NLT).
The cheater is NOT the
Holy Spirit and he or she is NOT renewing your mind in a healthy way. The
cheater is NOT your SAVIOR. The cheater is FLESH. “…THE FLESH
SETS ITS DESIRE AGAINST
the Spirit…” (Galatians 5:17 NASB). “…those
who are ACCORDING
TO THE FLESH set their MINDS ON THE THINGS OF THE FLESH…” (Romans 8:5
NASB). “…WHOEVER
SOWS TO PLEASE THEIR FLESH,
FROM THE FLESH WILL REAP DESTRUCTION;
…” (Galatians 6:8 NIV). “…The sinful nature (FLESH) wants to do evil,
which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the
Spirit gives us desires that are the
opposite of what the sinful
nature (FLESH) desires. These
TWO FORCES are constantly fighting each other…”
(Galatians 5 NLT).
The cheater WILL NOT
free you from his or her control. If you wait too long, you CAN NOT free
yourself. Who CAN free you? “…Who will
free me from this life that is dominated
by SIN? Thank God! The
answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord…” (Romans
7:14-25 NLT).
The bible says, “…let the Holy Spirit guide
your lives.
…” (Galatians 5 NLT). Unfortunately,
people let their “thoughts” guide their “feelings.” In addition, their
“feelings” further guide or influence healthy or unhealthy behaviors.
The cheater can gain control
when they attempt and succeed in influencing the behavior of others through
their “thoughts” and “feelings.” “…do not give the
devil an opportunity…” (Ephesians 4:27 NASB).
The cheater USES your
“feelings” and “thoughts” to manipulate you into doing something you may not
really want to do, but they want you to. “…do not give the devil an opportunity…”
(Ephesians 4:27 NASB).
The “feelings” and
“thoughts” the cheater USES are those that may be vulnerable, weak, hungry,
needy, insecure, low esteem, desperate, and deprived. “….Don't put your trust in mere human beings ….”
(Isaiah 2:22 NLT). “….Don't put your
confidence in … people (especially cheaters); there is no help for you there….” (Psalms 146: 3 NLT).
These may be “feelings”
and “thoughts” that were ignored or unattended in childhood and are still
ignored or unattended in adulthood. “…Take no thought, saying What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Where withal
shall we be clothed? …your heavenly Father knoweth that
ye have need of all these things…”
(Matthew 6 KJV).
Further, there is no “knowledge” or
“awareness” of a significant or healthy relationship to get those needs met. “…God will supply all [your need]… according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus…” (Philippians
4:19 NASB). “…your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things…”
(Matthew 6 KJV).
The cheater becomes
appealing because he or she lavishes you with flattery. “….there is no help for you there….” (Psalms 146: 3 NLT).
They appear to fulfill the needs of those
ignored or inattentive “feelings” and “thoughts.” And like the dry ground soaks
up the attention of the rain so do you soak up the LIES of the cheater. “…The bread of God is the bread that comes
down from heaven and gives life to the world.” “Sir,”
they said, “always give us this bread.” Then Jesus
declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes
to me will never go hungry...”
(John 6:25-69 NIV).
The cheater becomes a
beautiful, poisonous, and dangerous emotional MAZE and STRONGHOLD. However, “….Human [emotional]…desire
is NEVER SATISFIED…” (Proverbs 27:20 NLT). “….THEIR APPETITE (emotional desire) IS NEVER SATISFIED….” (ECCLESIASTES 6:7 KJV).
Only God
can satisfy the human emotions. “….THE BREAD OF GOD is he which cometh down from heaven, and giveth life unto
the world. Then said they unto him, Lord,
evermore give us this bread. And Jesus said unto them, I AM THE BREAD OF
LIFE: HE THAT COMETH TO ME SHALL NEVER
HUNGER…” (JOHN 6:33-35 KJV). “…The Lord is my shepherd; I SHALL NOT WANT…”
(Psalms 23 KJV). “…Man shall not live by
[HUMAN] bread alone, but by every word (SPIRITUAL BREAD) that proceedeth out of
the mouth of God….” (MATTHEW 4:4 KJV). “…Whoever
comes to me will never go hungry...”
(John 6:25-69 NIV).
This
grandiose gesture of emotional fulfillment, from a cheater, becomes his or her
open door to gaining dishonest control over you. “…do not give the devil an opportunity…”
(Ephesians 4:27 NASB).
You DRINK in his or her
charlatan offerings like a thirsty desert and allow the cheater to set-up his
or her stage for power, control, and privilege over your life. “When
thou sittest to eat with a ruler, consider diligently what is before you: And put a knife to thy throat if thou be a
man (or woman) given to appetite. Be NOT desirous of his (or her) dainties: for they are DECEITFUL meat.”
(Proverbs 23:1-3 KJV).
The cheater repeats
these grandiose gestures of emotional fulfillment, off and on, throughout the
relationship to keep you in control, but they NEVER lasts. In physically
abusive relationships they are called “honeymoon” phases. “…Do not
crave his (or her) delicacies, for
that food is deceptive...”
(Proverbs 23:1-3 NIV).
During a “honeymoon”
phase, the cheater is on his or her best behavior and is doing everything their
victim wants in an attempt to regain control and power over them again. “…Do not eat the food of a
begrudging host, do not crave his (or her) delicacies; for he
(or she) is the kind of person who is always thinking
about the cost. “Eat
and drink,” he (or she) says to you, but his (or her) heart is not with you….” (Proverbs 23:6-9 NIV).
This wishy-washy, back
and forth emotional roller coaster can create an atmosphere of confusion. “…God is NOT the author of confusion,
but of PEACE…”
(1 Corinthians 14:33 KJV). “…For where ….strife is, there
is confusion and EVERY
evil work….”
(James 3:16 KJV).
The victim struggles
with SEEING the cheater’s true nature of deceit and manipulation verses his or
her good deeds of meeting their emotional needs.
“…if I bestow all
my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but have
not love, IT PROFITETH ME NOTHING…”
(1 Corinthians 13:2-3 ASV). “…Do not be
overcome by evil…” (Romans 12:21 NASB).
A victim will often
say, about a cheater, but “…He or She is
a “GOOD” person…” The cheater is ONLY acting
like a “good” person to get what he or she wants. “…Their actions are never good…”
(Psalms 36:4 NLT).
After the cheater has
been so emotionally generous with you, by giving you something you’ve never
really had; you feel you owe him or her something in return. “…OWE “NO” man anything, but to love one another…”
(Romans 13:8 KJV).
The cheater wants you
to feel emotionally obligated to them so he or she can use ANXIETY, GUILT,
THREATS, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, RISK OF ISOLATION,
or FEAR if you DON’T give them want they want. “…the hireling (the cheater) fleeth, because he is an hireling, and CARETH NOT for the sheep….”
(John 10:13 KJV).
Constant experiences of
ANXIETY, GUILT, THREATS, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, RISK OF ISOLATION, and FEAR can
eventually WEAKEN the mind of victims and deepen the claws of brainwashing or
manipulating CHEATERS. “…My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…” (Hosea 4:6 NIV). “…The thief cometh
…to
destroy…”
(John 10:10 KJV).
The good-cheater-bad-cheater-good-cheater
cycle becomes a confusing routine; keeping the cheater in control and the
victim complacent. “…For where ….strife is, there
is confusion and EVERY
evil work….”
(James 3:16 KJV).
The cheater and his or
her victim manages to stay in this wish-washy cycle for years, become
complacent about it, and accept it as normal for them. However, God’s people
need to “….PREPARE for war, WAKE
UP mighty men …”
(Joel 3:9 KJV). “…Put on the
full armor of God, so
that you will be able to stand firm against the
schemes of the devil…” (Ephesians 6:11 NASB).
The cheater unfairly
benefits. The victim does NOT fairly benefit. The victim authentically GIVES
whereas the cheater only PRETENDS to GIVE.
“…They
…serve ….their OWN belly…” (Romans 16:18 KJV). “…For
such people are not serving our Lord
Christ, but
their own appetites. By
smooth talk and flattery they
deceive the minds of naive people…”
(Romans 16:18 NIV).
The cheater REALLY
hasn’t GIVEN anything AT ALL. “…If you
only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that’s charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that…”
(Luke 6:31-34 MSG). “…As ye would that men
should do to you, do ye also to them likewise…” (Luke 6:31 KJV).
They have, in fact,
TAKEN or STOLEN or ROBBED from the victim the opportunity to be truly wanted,
respected, honored, loved, or valued instead of being USED for someone’s exploitation.
“…They
speak falsehood to one another;
With flattering lips and with a double heart they
speak…” (Psalms 12:2 NASB). “…In their greed they will exploit you with false words…” (2
Peter 2:3 NASB). “…In their greed these
teachers will exploit you with fabricated stories…” (2
Peter 2:3 NIV).
The cheater has STOLEN
and ROBBED their victim of the opportunity to be truly wanted, loved, and
needed verses being USED. “…love one another; as I have loved you
…” (John 13:34-35 KJV). “…Love worketh NO ILL (harm) to his (or her) neighbor…” (Romans 13:10 KJV).
This cheater/believer’s
“unequally yoked” relationship can go
on for days, weeks, months, and years before the victim is finally worn out,
tired, and resentful of being utterly exploited. “…Do
not be deceived: "Bad
company corrupts good morals…"
(1 Corinthians 15:33 NASB). “…He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm…”
(Proverbs 13:20 NIV).
The cheater manipulates
him or herself into a relationship with another person through lies, deceit,
brainwashing, by creating a dependency, fake religiosity, and dishonest gain.
“…These people always cause trouble. Their
minds are corrupt, and they have turned their backs on the truth. To them, a show of godliness is just a way to
become wealthy.…” (1 Timothy 6: 3-5 NLT).
The cheater DOES NOT
love his or her victim no matter how often they say it. “…A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it …”
(Proverbs 26:28 KJV). “…Every one that loveth
…. KNOWETH God. He that loveth
NOT KNOWETH NOT God; for God is love…”
(1 John 4:4-8 KJV).
It is ONLY called a
relationship because two people are interacting together to create an illusion
that they are “relating” to one another. “…Can two walk together, except
they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3 KJV).
The cheater is NOT
“relating” to the victim and shows no signs of authentic, Godly love during the
routine cycles of their interactions together. “…Love is patient, [Godly]…love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud… It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered….” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV).
“…A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it…”
(Proverbs 26:28 KJV).
The cheater and the
victim, however, can create an illusion of a relationship that eventually turns
into a long-term abusive, one-sided, disagreeable liaison. “…Be
ye not unequally yoked together.
with unbelievers...” (2 Corinthians
6:14-15 KJV). “…Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
(Amos 3:3 KJV).
A cheater is either an unbeliever or a
believer who is NOT walking in God’s truth. A cheater is a liar and a deceiver.
A cheater is extremely selfish and is interested in ways he or she can gain a
dishonest advantage over you, your life, and your possessions.
A cheater can perform good deeds, but is NOT a good
person. A cheater will steal away your esteem, respect, honor, and other
opportunities for dignified treatment. A cheater, most likely, does NOT love
you. A cheater can ONLY be transformed by God and needs to be put into God’s
hands.
If you are with a cheater you are voluntarily
participating with his or her sinful dynamics. The cheater may have chosen you
to deceive, but you also choose him or her to meet your need or needs; instead
of God.
“…Be
ye not unequally yoked together with
unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion
hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with
Belial? Or what
part hath he that believeth with an infidel?...”
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15 KJV).
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