WOMAN OF GOD, IF YOU FEEL UNLOVED YOU HAVE MUCH TO LEARN!

 

                                                                    

AN UNLOVED WOMAN

“….Under three things the earth quakes, And under four it cannot bear up….under an unloved woman when she gets a husband…” (Proverbs 30:23 NASB).

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 There are many interpretations of this scripture, one in which the woman is blamed for BEING unlovable.  “…an odious woman when she is married…” (Proverbs 30:23 KJV). “…a contemptible woman when she is married…” (Proverbs 30:23 NIV). “…a bitter woman who finally gets a husband…” (Proverbs 30:23 NLT).

However, I am taking it from the viewpoint of a married woman who is in a marriage where she is NOT appropriately LOVED according to God’s standards. “.. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh…” (Genesis 2:24 NASB). “… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25 NASB). “…So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself…” (Ephesians 5:28 NASB). “…Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself…” (Ephesians 5:33 NASB). “…Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them…” (Colossians 3:19 NASB).

God wants to HEAL his MARRIED daughters. “…an unloved woman when she gets a husband…” (Proverbs 30:23 NASB). “…Isaac … took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her…” (Genesis 24:67 NASB). “… And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply…” (Genesis 24:67 NLT).

An unloved woman is that quiet, unassuming victim, who happily meets everybody’s needs, but her OWN. “… She weeps bitterly in the night And her tears are on her cheeks; She has none to comfort her …” (Lamentations 1:2 NASB).  “…She has no comforter…” (Lamentations 1:9 NASB). “…Zion stretches out her hands; There is no one to comfort her…” (Lamentations 1:17 NASB).

She GIVES until she is bankrupt and then BORROWS for others, but NOT herself. “…The second is like, namely this … love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these…” (Mark 12:28-31 KJV). “…They all out of their surplus put into the offering; but she out of her poverty put in all that she had to live on...” (Luke 21:4 NASB).

The world’s hearts melt at the POVERTY they witness in other countries, but fail to see the POVERTY (poor, deprived of the essential, insufficient of something needed) living in the SAME household: a WIFE “unloved” by her husband. “…Do not be mean-spirited and refuse someone a loan (advantage)... If you refuse to make the loan and the needy person cries out to the Lord, you will be considered guilty of sin.  Give generously to the poor (needy), not grudgingly, for the Lord your God will bless you in everything you do. There will always be some in the land who are poor (needy). That is why I am commanding you to share freely with the poor (needy) and with other Israelites (God’s people) in need…” (Deuteronomy 15:9-11 NLT).

There are husbands who no longer show their spouses an ongoing, appropriate, Godly love. “…Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law…” (Romans 13:8 NIV).  “…LOVE one another, even as I have loved you…” (John 13:34-35 KJV).

An unloved woman often feels trapped in a marriage with a man who “DID” not continue to GROW in AGAPE love for her. “…You must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. …” (2 Peter 3:18 NLT).

This book is NOT to blame men, but to HIGHLIGHT all the “UNLOVED” women living and suffering in SILENCE in marriages where they have been abandoned or forgotten by their spouses for DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, or maybe even YEARS. “…an unloved woman when she gets a husband…” (Proverbs 30:23 NASB).

The bible says “an unloved woman” causes “…the earth [to…quake], And … it cannot bear up…. …” (Proverbs 30:23 NASB).

An unloved woman watches while her husband chooses his busy life and many invitations over her. “…You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; …” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB).

She watches him chase after and pour himself into his accomplishments, dreams, addictions, affairs, and adventures while she waits in the wings. “…You husbands …show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered…” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB).

When he is home she watches him sit in front of the television or computer, or go golfing with his friends, or work on some important project while she continues to take care of the household duties, him, and other family concerns.  “…Walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma…” (Ephesians 5:2 NASB).

She takes care of the routine and often monotonous wifely duties, prayerfully tries to do things to please him, and takes care of other family concerns without one single acknowledgement of appreciation from her spouse for days, weeks, months, or years. “…Leah conceived and bore a son and named him Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has seen my affliction; surely now my husband will love me…” (Genesis 29:32 NASB). “…Then she became pregnant a third time and gave birth to another son. He was named Levi, for she said, “Surely this time my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!” (Genesis 29:34 NLT).

When and if she expresses her many emotional concerns, insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, or some other personal struggle, her spouse offers her no affirmation or comfort. She is left alone to get through it by herself. “…You husbands …live with your wives in an understanding way…” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB).

An unloved woman desires and longs for kind, supportive words from her spouse and finds none. “…Far from me is a comforter, One who restores my soul…” (Lamentations 1:16 NASB). “….To the woman He (God) said, "… your desire will be for your husband..." (Genesis 3:16 NASB).

She has often watched him compliment and offer kind, supportive words to everyone else, but her. “… if any does not provide  (emotional support too)for his own, and those of his own house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than an infidel (unbeliever)…” (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). 

She has watched him put so many things and people before her she no longer feels she has a place of importance and the word “wife” is just a word without meaning. “…Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone?” (Proverbs 5:15-16 NLT). “…Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice in the wife of your youth.  As a loving hind and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love…” (Proverbs 5:18-19 NASB).

An unloved woman often feels replaceable and not like the “good” thing God intended for her to be. She may also feel like an afterthought or a mistress to his other interests. “…He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord…” (Proverbs 18:22 NLT). “…Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife…” (Proverbs 19:14 NLT). “…She is more precious than rubies…” (Proverbs 31:10 NASB).

An unloved woman has been left alone, especially emotionally -too many days and nights - to fend for herself. She doesn’t feel precious at all. “…Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies…” (Proverbs 31:10 NASB).

An unloved woman has felt the “longing” for her husband and the need for his conversation and care, but too often it has been unavailable or remiss. “…Now my husband will treat me with respect, for I have given him six sons…” (Genesis 30:20 NLT).

An unloved woman is loyal and faithful to the vows she made to both God and her husband. “…You have also heard … ‘You must not break your vows; you must carry out the vows you make to the Lord…” (Matthew 5:33 NLT). “… to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin…” (James 4:17 KJV).

 She is willing to sacrifice her many needs for her unrelenting love and commitment to her husband and to her Lord and Savior. “…A wife must not leave her husband…” (1 Corinthians 7:10 NLT).

Her spouse does not have the same kind of commitment “…But [he or she]… swears to [her]… own hurt and does not change…” (Psalms 15:1-4 NASB). “….So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth…” (Malachi 2:15 NLT). “…Let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth…” (Malachi 2:15 NASB).

Because of her love and commitment to both God and her spouse, an unloved woman is taken for granted. “…Live happily with the woman you love through all the  …days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil…” (Ecclesiastes 9:9 NLT).

She is too often neglected. We sit next to her in church every week and don’t recognize her silent struggle or her POVERTY of AGAPE love in her marriage. “…an unloved woman …” (Proverbs 30:23 NASB).

The unloved woman is a beautiful, but unkempt, forsaken garden of God’s glory. “…Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest…” (Matthew 11:28 NASB). “…I will restore… and I will heal thee of the wounds, saith the Lord…” (Jeremiah 30:17 KJV).  

She has often sacrificed herself for her spouse, but he has sacrificed very little or NOTHING for her. “…For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites.…” (Romans 16:18 NIV).“… if any does not provide  (emotional support too)for his own … [HE or SHE]…is worse than an infidel (unbeliever)…” (1 Timothy 5:8 KJV). 

This neglect is a form of abuse and is unacceptable to God. “…You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows…” (Malachi 2:14 NLT). “…Love does NO HARM to his neighbor…” (Romans 13:10 NASB). “…Love is patient, love is KIND …It does not dishonor others….” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV). “…A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you …” (John 13:34-35 KJV). “…Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another…” (Romans 13:8 NIV). ).

Being married and being an unloved woman is devastating and painful. It is hard for a woman in these circumstances NOT to focus on a husband’s flaws and distance heart. “…This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me…” (Mark 7:6 KJV).  “…for thy heart is not right in the sight of God…” (Acts 8:21 KJV).

Christian women become wives in hope that they will be cherished, respected, honored, and treated according to the biblical standards of relational love. “…They broke that covenant, though I loved them as a husband loves his wife,” says the Lord…” (Jeremiah 31:32 NASB). “…I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion…” (Hosea 2:19 NASB).

When it doesn’t happen, it is sad for her. An unloved woman feels like her husband has divorced her without actually divorcing her. “…I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife…” (Malachi 2:16 NLT). “…Love does NO HARM to his neighbor…” (Romans 13:10 NASB).

An unloved woman is one who has been emotionally abandoned by her spouse. She is living in marriage in a divorced condition. She is overwhelmed by the cruelty of it all. “…To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “…” (Malachi 2:16 NLT). “….Under three things the earth quakes, And under four it cannot bear up….under an unloved woman when she gets a husband…” (Proverbs 30:23 NASB).

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