HOSETTA: FOR "BETTER" OR WORSE; CHAPTER 3

           CHAPTER 3

HOSETTA: FOR BETTER OR WORSE

 “...God SEES NOT as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD LOOKS AT THE HEART…”(1 Samuel 16:7 NASB). “…No one needed… to tell him (God) about human nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart…” (John 2:24-25 NLT). “…[The] ...Lord (God), which knowest the hearts of all men…” (Acts 1:24 KJV). “… He watches everyone closely, examining every person on earth. The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked…” (Psalm 11:4-5 NLT). 

*

It’s amazing how two very different things can come from ONE PLACE. Their marriage produced BETTER and it produced WORSE.

George and Hosetta tried to hold onto the BEST of their relationship together for as long as possible, A marital relationship really does require the cooperation of both people.

No one person can keep a marital relationship together by themselves. Each person is solely responsible for the role they play, but have no control over the human will of the other.

Hosetta wasn’t a perfect wife,  but George thought she was a godly wife and he often told her he loved her just the way she was. He’d told her that before they married and he never changed. She remembered when he given her Billy Joel’s song to listen to “... Just the way you are...”

She was the loyal and committed type when it came to those she loved. When she begin to understand George had a serious issue, she didn’t abandon him, or forsake him. He was wrong, no doubt, but she was his covenant wife and together, they were going to overcome this.

For Hosetta, George was truly the love of her life. She sincerely loved his soul. It was some of  his behaviors she could live without.

But on the other hand, some of his behaviors she truly loved. Hosetta shared with George, on their many talks, she wanted to have a life full of adventure and he said he did too. It wasn’t what she did or he did that gave them the adventure. From her perspective, it was the faith in God’s Word and the things they’d agreed upon that gave them their adventures.

Doing things, together, by faith, made Hosetta feel as if she was living  the Christian life.

From the tiny little trailer on Stepping Fetching Lane to the 6,000 square foot home in Virginia their journey was adventurous, spurred by faith and/or agreement.

Was it faith or had they simply agreed upon things? It also gave her "food for thought."

Hosetta didn't know what to call it. Nonetheless, their faith and/or agreement started the journey. By faith and/or agreement they had a house designed and built, but it fell through. By faith and/or agreement they moved to Jackson Hole and ended up in the military travelling the world. By faith and/or agreement they bought some prime waterfront property in Virginia and it became valued in the millions years later.

They each wrote several books and had them published. They started businesses, an university, and flipped properties. They raised Oscar, who was the typical male child, yet grew up to be a productive human being. Oscar was an interesting blend of Hosetta and George. He got all their best parts. Oscar had Hosetta’s chocolate skin and his father’s beautiful eyes.

He had his mother’s heart and his father’s business sense. But he was gifted with his own special kind of brilliant intelligence. He had bright lively eyes that twinkled when he laughed and smiled. He looked like a little professor as a child. Unlike his parents, Oscar was well-travelled at a young age.

Hosetta joked with Oscar a lot and he was a miniature comedian in his own right. They laughed and shared silly jokes together regularly. George HAD no sense of humor, in the beginning and Hosetta thought there was NO WAY she was going to survive in a humorless marriage. What was God thinking? 

Eventually, George got better with humor and laughter. He was corny, but he did make her and Oscar laugh some times.

Oscar grew up to be strong, independent, and with the faith of  a young King David. He was warm and kind-hearted like Hosetta, but he was direct and strong-willed like George.

Hosetta tried to protect Oscar from his father’s problem, but she knew he would be impacted by it in one way or another.

It occurred to her one day, that no matter how wonderful of a parent she wanted or intended to be, she was flawed and imperfect. So she decided to give her child the perfect gift: Jesus Christ. When Oscar accepted Christ as his own personal Savior, Hosetta knew she’d given her child everything!

Hosetta and George raised Oscar in the church just as they had been raised in the church. Together they went to their home church, regularly and fellowshipped with other churches too!

Once they were married Hosetta and George still talked incessantly until the chasm begin to create the monstrous wedge between them.

In the early years of his addiction George would have months of sobriety and they would accomplish a lot of things together during those times. They would write out their dreams and goals. They would discuss how to implement them. They established LLCs, got business licenses, obtained EIN numbers, went to Rich Dad Poor Dad seminars, studied Carlton Sheets, wrote and published books, sold their products at festivals and other venues, bought houses, flipped properties, opened a B&B and retreat center, and any other legitimate hustle that fit their fancy.

George and Hosetta walked the walk to make their dreams come true. They did without, they worked two jobs, they typed their first book on a word processor, they sat in the dark, they designed their first book covers, they went hungry, they took chances, they took risks, they hustled, but most importantly, they had faith and agreement in God.

Eventually, George and Hosetta had several rental properties and residual income streams were coming from books, published works, rentals, businesses, and regular jobs. It wasn’t easy, but Hosetta had enjoyed the ride.

“For better” was a very real part of their lives. At the same time George’s periods of sobriety reduced from months to weeks, then from weeks to days. Eventually George was indulging in his addiction one day a week, EVERY week.

“For better” were the beautiful times they shared together and in those peaceful moments, it felt as if they were a whole and functionally healthy family. It felt like HOPE.

“For better” were the times that gave Hosetta hope that, one day, they would come out on the winning side and the storm of George’s addiction would be over.

“For better” also made the “WORSE” times seem really BAD. While they took Oscar to amusement parks, school events, birthday parties, helped with his homework, played games with him, went to his recitals, or on family vacations, the CHASM was always there, between Hosetta and George, like a NEON sign, making a mockery of their lives together.

While they worked on their business goals, personal dreams, real-estate investments, and published their books, the CHASM was there.

George went to church with Hosetta and Oscar most Sundays. George loved the traditional hymns and sometimes he would be the guest music minister at different churches. He was really good on the piano and gospel music was one of his passions. Hosetta loved to hear him sing and play. Even then, the chasm was there.

When it came to their projects, together, they had the Midas touch. They were innovative together, talked over their goals, wrote down their visions, made their plans, and did the work to make them a reality. The chasm, for Hosetta, was always there looming.

In the “better” times they talked amicably, went sight-seeing, enjoyed musical concerts, went out to dinner, had annual Valentine picnics, explored secret places, visited museums, enjoyed the fruits of their labor, and dreamed, and worked, and implemented, and dreamed some more.

In spite of the chasm, Hosetta managed to find adventure in the things they did, but the sacred, covenant bond they once shared, together, was a distant memory.

She may have had the legal position as his wife, but Hosetta felt his addiction was his true wife and “she” had been moved to the position of mistress.

There were cards, gifts, and surprises on Valentine’s Day, their anniversary, and birthdays. Thanksgivings and Christmases were filled with laughter, gatherings with family or friends, and celebration.

George would dedicate songs to her such as “Did you ever know you were my Hero” by Bette Midler. And another time in front of the whole congregation he said. “I want to Thank God for my wife...” And he went on to say what she meant to him and each time her heart had been moved.

It was like that with George; a beautiful no-reason card, a single rose, Swarovski crystal, a song, pearls, or her favorite ice cream. He would DO right things.

His ethical behaviors toward her made him look like a dream come true to those on the outside looking in. Even she would feel close to him, in those moments, but not too close, because she knew he would be out cruising again destroying the moment as if it never happened.

She had to remind herself NOT to let what George DID make her forget or ignore WHO he really was: a chronic adulterer. She, like most people, kept LOOKING on the outside, while being negatively IMPACTED by what was coming "from" HIS HEART!

On the outside looking in, “for better” would have been classified as a wonderful life to most and there were breathtaking moments. There were times, they’d shared, that would be perfect for the story books of life.

When Hosetta put all the “for better” stuff together, her life with George sounded like a fairy tale. Yet at the same time, these fairy tales moments were the reasons she never envied other people’s life. Hosetta’s happy times with George were more like long commercial breaks – the part most people saw - but behind closed doors the real drama and real story continued.

Life went on for Hosetta and George and they grew older and their experiences, with each other, changed them both, one way or another. Eventually, “for better” was overshadowed by “for worse.” It was the chasm.

“For better or worse” became the challenge for Hosetta. She felt like her experiences, in her marriage, had her teetering between sinking or swimming, feeling alive or feeling dead, being right or being wrong and wanting to stay or wanting to leave.

 Hosetta choose to stay married. It wasn’t about her. It was about God, it was about his kind of love, it was about his message, and it was about George, the wayward husband that she had also come to love, unconditionally, in spite of it all.

The years continued to pass and she could write several books about “for worse” whether than “for better.”

To complain about George, and all his very public, ethical behavior toward her seemed like an ungrateful thing to do. But George had an addiction, which had blatantly mocked her and their marriage for years.

George had moments of sobriety, with her and Oscar, where he lived for his family, but he had another lifestyle where he also lived for his addiction.

It changed him and he took on the character traits of the company he kept. His change was the catalyst for the ebb and flow of their lives together.

Their relationship, for Hosetta, was often like a nightmare and a dream come true at the same time. It was sheer madness and utter joy. It was moments of peace and the sudden jar of unrest. It was immense satisfaction and mammoth starvation.

They were once bonded through an unique relationship, but his addiction had separated them in the harshest and cruelest of ways.

Hosetta often thought about all the reasons she should leave George, but the reality of that decision, had so many factors to consider, it made it complicated.

Hosetta had all the classical reasons: She had to think about Oscar, their finances were tied up together, they had multiple material possessions they would have to divide, she loved some of her in-laws, untangling their lives seemed like a big hassle, and she couldn’t see herself starting over again.

On the other hand, she loved him, but she couldn’t sustain a healthy relationship between them without George doing his part. The quality of their relationship couldn’t simply rely on ethical things they DID for one another, but it needed to also include WHO they were, in their hearts, toward one another too.

No matter what nice, kind, or ethical gestures George did, he was STILL choosing to be a sexual addict. As long as that was a factor, they could not have a successful and fulfilling sacred, covenant marriage.

For Hosetta: when George’s honesty was destroyed by his first lie, it had a domino effect. Trust was destroyed. Communication was destroyed. Intimacy was destroyed. The sacred covenant was destroyed. Innovation was destroyed and on and on.

Hosetta was always re-evaluating, adapting, and coming to different conclusions at different stages of her relationship with her husband. George was not willing to compromise his choices and he had a God-given right to exercise his human will in order to choose the life he "truly" wanted to live.

It got to a point, that she could no longer count on George’s integrity. She was not emotionally safe in the relationship and she didn’t feel like herself anymore. His addiction made their marriage dysfunctional, defiled, and unhealthy.

Then, there was the undeniable chasm between them and it was only getting bigger, stronger, and fortified. They were no longer on the same page emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. 

His issues were a result of his choices; not hers, but unfortunately, she was being affected by them.

The worse was beginning to outweigh the better.

BUY BOOK HERE ON KINDLE ON IN PAPERBACK