HOSETTA: HE RESTORES MY SOUL; EPILOGUE, CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 12

HOSETTA: SELF-BLAME and RECEIVING LOVE

HE RESTORES MY SOUL

“…After …[Hosetta] … suffered… a little while, [God had DIVINE plans to]… restore, support, and strengthen [her], and …  place [her]... on a firm foundation..” (1 Peter 5:10 NLT).

“…the suffering …[no matter how long]… of this present time ARE NOT worthy to be compared with the glory (witnessed in his presence, his goodness, or his power) which shall be revealed in us…” (Romans 8:18 KJV). “…For our light afflictions], …which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory…” (2 Corinthians 4:17 KJV).

“….He restoreth my soul….” (PSALM 23:1-3 NLT). “…I will restore…” (Jeremiah 30:17 KJV). “…[God is the]...restorer of thy life…” (Ruth 4:15 KJV).

*

It was OVER. They had been married for 34+ years. Hosetta had been living in Scottsdale for 4 of those years and the grounds for divorce was SEPARATION.

In ALL honestly, they had been separated a LOT longer than that. George had been emotionally absent and dishonorable for years. He hadn’t left the home, but he’d left the relationship.

Many of the important marital duties, George had removed himself from, already. When she came to Scottsdale, to recover, in April of 2015, George had stopped carrying out the mutual emotional responsibilities, two people, who love each other, do for one another.

From January to April of 2015, the way he’d conducted himself with her and her mother was mean-spirited and without just cause. He went too far, this time.

His actions were a voluntary and willful refusal to do the right things and he destroyed what was left of their married life. Hosetta believed that was his intent anyway.

He denied her simple kindnesses and his behavior became a danger to her safety, her health, and definitely her self-respect.

George’s intentions were to desert  Hosetta the moment she left Virginia and he cut off the marital relationship vindictively.

His conduct toward her took her beyond, any desire, whatsoever, for reconciliation with him or the man he'd become, on any level.

George abandoned her when she needed him most and she saw him as a small, selfish person now.

He behaved in ways that were destructive to her health, especially during a time she thought he would, certainly, be most loving.

She lost ALL trust in him. George spoke unkind and threatening to her when she was most vulnerable and couldn’t protect herself, emotionally, from him.

Hosetta wasn’t home, from the hospital, a hot minute before he was going out Wednesday nights again, and she couldn’t do it anymore. She didn't have the energy and she didn't want to do it! George, as far as she was concerned, couldn’t come back, from what he’d done, not this time.

If he didn’t find a way to fix it; it wouldn’t be fixed. Hosetta wasn't looking at their relationship through the eyes of the woman with emotional wealth and optimism, but one who was emotionally depleted. 

Her cognitive strength was missing in action. Hosetta learned that being STRONG didn’t mean being UNLOVED. Everybody NEEDS love.

Hosetta was an excellent GIVER of love, but she was a horrible RECEIVER of love. She thought being a STRONG woman meant being totally independent and NOT needing anyone, or standing on  your own two feet, or being totally self-sustaining.

But her disability made her vulnerable and needy. Hosetta had to let people help her and love her, but she was uncomfortable about it.  The reason she was uncomfortable was because of her pride. She’d thought “needing” help was a sign of weakness and a lack of faith.

She was wrong, and in order for her soul to be restored, she had to learn being STRONG did NOT negate being LOVED.

The Holy Spirit revealed to her the key is to be STRONG in the Lord and the POWER of his MIGHT, but NOT unloved.

Everyone on earth needs love, even the STRONG, especially the STRONG. It was HARD, but Hosetta allowed herself to be loved. She allowed people to take her hand and help her when her balance was off, her god-sister came over to give her pedicures, cousins and friends bought her fresh vegetables from their gardens, old friends came to sit and visit, friends and family extended incredible grace to her, the church community showed kindness, support, and care, and the love went on and on.

Hosetta gave herself permission to be loved and it was the catalyst, God used, to begin restoring her soul.

By the time, the Jarrett’s made it into the divorce court, Hosetta had experienced many moments of disbelief, in George’s conduct, which had been practically heartless.

In the past, Hosetta continually gave George the benefit of the doubt, thinking at the “core” there was a decent person. Did the continual, ongoing practice of sin make you rotten to the core as it hardened your heart? She kept asking herself the same question over and over.

She wanted to be optimistic about George, especially during her recovery, but his character NEVER rose to the occasion.

Trying to be kind to George didn’t help him or her, nor did it stop his cycle of UNKINDNESS. SEEING George’s “real” self was a harsh truth. It was what it was. George was George,

Hosetta’s brain bleed saved her life in more ways than one. It forced her to focus on her OWN self-care; emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Hosetta became kinder to herself as George became LESS kind.  Thus, God began to restore her soul. “…He restoreth my SOUL…” (Psalm 23 KJV).

God began to put protective boundaries around her through his favorable love. “He said he would. "…You surround … [those you love] … WITH FAVOR as with a shield…” (Psalms 5:12 NASB).

 The Word of God encouraged Hosetta to see his incredible commitment of love and KINDNESS, personally, for her.“… “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you…” (Hebrews 13:5 NIV). “…I am with you always, to the very end…"(Matthew 28:20 NIV). “…Behold, I am with … [you] and will keep … [you] whithersoever [you]… goest…I will not leave [you] ..." (Genesis 28:15 ASV). “...He careth for you...” (1 Peter 5:7 KJV). “…God is LOVE…” (1 John 4:4-8 KJV). “… “I AM WHO I AM …” (Exodus 3:14-15 NASB).  “…I change NOT…” (Malachi 3:6 KJV).

 Hosetta was learning WHO God was, as her personal Lord and Savior. She wrote in her journal:  “...The lord is GOOD…” (Nahum 1:7 & Mark 10:18 KJV). “…God is love…” (1 John 4:4-8 KJV). “…  I... am your healer…” (Exodus 15:26). “…God is the one who provides …” (2 Corinthians 9:10-13 KJV).  “….The Lord is “my” shepherd ….” (PSALM 23:1-3 NLT).

“… [God] … is Your rock and Your fortress, your deliverer, Your GOD, Your rock, in whom [you] … take refuge; Your shield and the horn of Your salvation, YOUR stronghold.…" (Psalms 18:3 NASB). “… I the LORD am thy Saviour …” (Isaiah 60:16 KJV). 

God’s loving and kind protection enabled, Hosetta, to stop internalizing anything George did or anything he said. Hosetta continued to journal through her books. Thank you, Leah. She had love and emotional support through family and friends. She also exercised,  got healthy, and rested.

George had rejected her, cut her off, forsook her, abandoned her, and mistreated her. Yet, it had ALL worked together for HER GOOD! She had to acknowledge his conduct, face the truth about what he’d done, and believe WHO he had become to her. That why she’d come up with the saying: “...it is what it is...” “...George is George...”

George’s conduct was HIS CHOICE. People choose to do right or wrong. It is an option. It doesn’t matter what the other person did or didn’t do; what matters is HOW you choose to respond.

No one is to BLAME for what a grown, 50+ year old person CHOOSES to do, but them. Hosetta allowed God’s love to cover her and God’s grace was sufficient for her too.

Burdens lifted off her shoulders and she felt more emotionally FREE than she had in years. Hosetta began to look at the ROLE she played, not to self-blame, but to clearly see what her responsibility was and what it wasn’t.

Hosetta spent a lot of time taking on responsibilities that DIDN’T belong to her. She was an easy target, because she was self-blaming. It allowed for people to make her feel she had to fix ALL the things that went wrong.

In her interactions with George, he was quick to criticize her for not living up to one of his principles that he was not living up to himself.

He put the responsibility of living up to “his” standards upon her, while he did NOT apply those standards to his OWN behavior.

For instance, George may have said they were, both, FREE to be themselves. Hosetta understood that to mean, not only was he free to be himself, but so was she. 

If the “freedom to be yourself” was a standard why was George always criticizing her thoughts and action, even if he didn’t agree with them all, if “freedom to be” was truly his standard?

George was inconsistent, with his standards. He spent his time trying to prevent her freedom, but freely granted it to himself.

Hosetta complained about  his double standards, but she had allowed it and had given up her own rights to FREELY be herself.

George’s standards changed from one moment to another and they always favored him and not her. Because George changed his standards so often, he could rationalize his behavior and everything, HE DID, he thought was justified.

Because George changed his “own” rules, to favor his actions, then whatever he did was right in his “own” sight. He would actually try to normalize his wrongs. George gave himself passes, which made his standards inconsistent, especially when it came to his actions and his defense for them. It was dizzying.

Hosetta stopped blaming herself for not living up to George’s standards, which were the standards he didn’t live up to himself. She gave herself permission to FREELY be herself again and disregarded George's opinion of her altogether.

The failure of their marriage was everyone else’s fault, but George’s. He didn’t admit, at least to her, his responsibility in the demise of their 34+ year old covenant relationship.

If and when George did admit some responsibility for his behavior, during their interactions, it was minimal and everyone else’s was maximum. As Hosetta’s soul became more and more restored, she SAW the truth.

Every mistake, she saw, that she made, she faced, but every mistake, she saw, that George made, she left them in his basket!

George always wanted to take responsibility for the good things that worked positively for them, but none of the things that didn’t. Hosetta was the blame for most of the bad things that didn’t work.

During the divorce George told the courts all the “good” things he’d done to make the divorce process amicable, but he was totally remiss about the “bad” things he’d done, which REQUIRED they get lawyers.

When the courts asked them had either one of them committed adultery during the marriage, Hosetta said no. George, however, said he did, BUT “Hosetta” condoned it. Wow!

 “if” she had condoned “his” adulteries, which she didn’t, who CHOOSE to do it: her or him? It was classic George, passing the blame and taking none of the responsibility. Even his chronic adulteries were someone’s else’s fault.

It was easy to blame Hosetta, but as God restored her soul, all she had to do was face the things, in life, that were her “own” responsibilities.

She no longer over-reacts or defends herself when accepting her “own” mistakes or when she SEES someone is projecting blame onto her that really belongs to them or someone else.

Hosetta was still healing in that area and could be sensitive at times, when someone blames her unjustly or without full disclosure of the truth.

She had to tell herself she was FREE to be herself. When another person blames her for something that is not true, she doesn’t have to react defensively, especially for something she is not guilty of or that is not her responsibility.

Her SOUL was being restored!

Finally, as Hosetta starts this NEW CHAPTER in her life, she realizes “being yourself” means you do not CHANGE with every whim, opinion, treatment, circumstance, situation, or external influence outside yourself.

The indwelling Holy Spirit works “IN” and “THROUGH” you. Transformation comes from the inside out.

George’s mistreatment of her, the separation, and the divorce all happened outside of her. Hosetta had to STAY Hosetta in the midst of it all.

God STRENGTHENED her, from the inside, so that she would NOT internalize the things that were happening on the outside.

For instance, when George CHOOSE, he didn’t CHOOSE her. That was hurtful and disappointing and as a human being it was okay for her to “feel” the experience.

However, it was NOT okay for her to internalize it. This was happening TO Hosetta as an event, outside of herself, but it didn’t define her. It didn’t define WHO she was.

The Holy Spirit helped Hosetta learn this truth. God said he NEVER CHANGES. He said his love, for people, NEVER CHANGES. “…I am the Lord, I change NOT…” (Malachi 3:6 KJV). “… [Nothing]…will be able to separate [his people]... from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord…”(Romans 8:31-39 NASB).

The reason God NEVER CHANGES his love toward people is because NOTHING, outside of himself, CHANGES “WHO” he is. “…God is love…” (1 John 4:4-8 KJV). “… “I AM WHO I AM …” (Exodus 3:14-15 NASB).  “…I am the Lord, I change NOT…” (Malachi 3:6 KJV).  

NOTHING, outside of himself, CHANGES “WHO” God is and his people are to be LIKE him. “…In this world we are like Jesus…” (1 John 4:17 NIV). “...be… imitators of [Jesus]…” (Hebrews 12:14; Ephesians 5:1 ASV). ^“...[Jesus]...is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8 NIV).

This was a POWERFUL truth to Hosetta and it HELPED her go through the whole George mistreatment/separation/divorce process without internalizing ANY of it or letting it define her.

Hosetta was a NEW CREATION in Christ Jesus and no matter what she went through, her new identity didn’t change. “Therefore if any man (woman) be in Christ, he (she) is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new...” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV).

God, the Holy Spirit, remains FAITHFUL to “WHO” he is OR that would mean he would be DENYING himself. “… he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is…” (2 Timothy 2:13 NLT).

God strengthened Hosetta, through the whole process, to “be herself” and she trusted and depended upon his help. .“…He helps me…” (Psalms 28:7 NLT). “God … worketh in [his people], both to will and to do of His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13 KJV). “…the Father that dwelleth in… [them], he doeth the works…” (John 14:10 KJV). “…God ...does the work IN AND THROUGH all of us who are his (people)… (1 Corinthians 12:4-11 NLT).

Instead of the rejection of her husband, the separation, and the divorce destroying her or her identity "in" Christ; it had all worked together for good and ended up RESTORING HER SOUL instead!

“...ALL THINGS work (PROCESS) together for good to them (his people) that love God, to them who are the called ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE (she was HIS mouthpiece)…” (ROMANS 8:28 KJV).

 “…He restoreth my SOUL…” (Psalm 23 KJV). “…The law of the LORD (the WORD of God) is perfect (maturing), restoring the SOUL…” (Psalm 19 NASB).  

“….Jesus Christ (the WORD of GOD) maketh thee WHOLE (AGAIN)…” (Acts 9:34 KJV). “... and man (woman) became a living soul  (AGAIN)…” (Genesis 2:7 KJV).

After ALL she been through Hosetta was at PEACE. God continues to RESTORE her SOUL! “….He (the WORD OF GOD) restoreth my soul….” (PSALM 23:1-3 NLT). “…I (God, the holy spirit) will restore…” (Jeremiah 30:17 KJV). “…[The]...restorer of thy life…” (Ruth 4:15 KJV).

 NOW SHE COULD SEE, FOR HERSELF, THAT HER LIFE, HER MARRIAGE, and HER DIVORCE was meant to be God’s MESSAGE and she was HIS MOUTHPIECE for that message!

SHE SAID: MY LIFE; HIS MESSAGE!
...so be it unto you, O my Lord!

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