REE DEEMD:LOST AND FOUND, PART 2

REE DEEMED: LOST AND FOUND, Part 2

The RESURRECTION of mother and daughter

EPILOGUE

 “Then Pilate therefore took Jesus, and scourged him. And the soldiers platted a crown of thorns, and put it on his head, and they put on him a purple robe. And said, Hail, King of the Jews! and they smote him with their hands….Then came Jesus forth, wearing the crown of thorns, and the purple robe. And Pilate saith unto them, Behold the man! When the chief priests therefore and officers saw him, they cried out, saying, Crucify him, crucify him. Pilate saith unto them, Take ye him, and crucify him: for I find no fault in him. But they cried out, Away with him, away with him, crucify him. Pilate saith unto them, Shall I crucify your King? The chief priests answered, We have no king but Caesar. Then delivered he him therefore unto them to be crucified. And they took Jesus, and led him away…” (John 19:1-16 KJV). “..After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst. Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a spunge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth. When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost” (John 19:28-30 KJV).

“…For I have come down from heaven  ... TO DO ...THE WILL of him who sent me…” (John 6:38 NIV).

“…The Son of man (God’s PLAN of SALVATION) came to seek and to save THAT WHICH WAS LOST…” (Luke 19:10 KJV). 

*

Ree Lynn Deemd sat in front of her mother’s Sarah’s house. She felt compelled to come and tell her mother face to face that she forgave her. She’d been struggling with it for weeks.

Life was good. Her relationships with Momma D, Poppa D, Reginald, and the rest of her family was growing, thriving, pleasant, and healthy.

Momma and Poppa D were now in their early nineties and they were teaching her everything they knew. She was learning to cook according to African American culture, repair cars, sew with old fashion patterns, watch football with ample understanding, be a fashionista like her grandmother who was a sharp dresser, and gaining all of Poppa D’s gardening secrets.

Reginald loved technology. She knew her way around cell phones, ipods, ipads, tablets, computers, and laptops. She was becoming savvy on social media sites like facebook, Instagram, snap chat, video chat, and any other technical outreach.

Reginald was a straight A student and had a 4.0 GPA. He was in his freshman year of college now and had been instrumental in helping her finish her associate’s degree. She was actually working on her bachelors now.

Her great aunts and uncles graciously poured their lifelong wisdom into her and she welcomed all of it. Her cousins took her shopping, to the movies,  invited her over for girl talk, parties and get-togethers, and sometimes they just hung out or talked on the phone.

A child comes into the world an empty vessel and he or she will be filled with light or darkness. Most of the time, it is a little bit of both, because humans are flawed and finite.

Ree had an imbalance of darkness, but God had taken her out of the dark into his marvelous light. His call is a call OUT of darkness. “….out of darkness into his marvellous light” (1 Peter 2:9 KJV).

Ree had recently accepted Jacob Bradley’s proposal of marriage. He’d told her he loved her, years before, but she never said it back, until recently. He was her friend first and proved he could be trusted. He was kind-hearted and patience and slowly she began to feel the bond of unity between them.

She hesitated to accept his proposal, because she couldn’t leave Poppa and Momma D. They lived on 14 acres of land and her grandparents gave them permission to built a home on it. It would be ready in the summer. They would be able to move into it after their June wedding.

GG never spoke to Sarah, again, after her visit, but every now and then she would receive little notes from her with only a few words on them. “Hi, have a good day” “God bless you” “Hope the weather is nice” “I am breathing again” “I am working on my anger” “I have a garden” GG would be so happy. After all these years and what happened, she still held out hope for Sarah.

Ree forgave Sarah and she was willing to show her God’s grace and mercy, but her opinion of her mother had not changed.

Now that she was sitting in front of her house she realized it was easier said than done. She had not seen or spoken to her mother in over 20+ years and she was fine without her.

Ree was a grown woman now and her life overflowed with God’s blessings. What if her mother ruined that too? Her mother lived in a mobile home park, but it was clean, the lawns were nice, and she had flower beds throughout her yard.

It was the same house she lived in with her husband and the nephews she’d thought were Sarah’s new sons. Ree had thought they lived in some plush neighborhood in the suburbs. When you’re homeless, like she was, that’s what it looked like to her.

Ree got out of the car and began walking to the door. The feeling of doom was overwhelming. It was actual painful to think of coming face to face with her abusive mother.

It was hard to accept, even now, that her mother had treated her so horribly and she needed to forgive her.

Why did she have to forgive someone who’d been so mean, callous, and cruel to her from the time she was born.

Her mother sent her to the streets. It hurt and it was the worst betrayal ever. She stayed frightened for years. She still struggled with feeling safe.

The closer Ree got to the door the more those old feelings arose. She could feel the depression and sadness again and she didn’t like it. She wanted to run.

She LOST everything living with Sarah; her innocent, her ability to trust, to love, and to feel safe. She didn’t want to feel that kind of pain anymore. She didn’t want to feel the pain of what happened to her. She didn’t think she could do it; not even for Jesus.

Ree rang the doorbell and her mother opened it. There she was, in living color, her scary, abusive mother with the flaming red hair and monstrous hazel eyes.

The first words out of Sarah’s mouth were: “...What the hell are doing here?...” Ree immediately turned and walked away. She didn’t have the strength to face the pain and Sarah’s nasty tone of voice took her right back to childhood. “...Ree wait. I’m sorry... that was no way to greet you or answer the door. Please, come back...”

Ree stopped, at the end of the walkway, but she resisted turning back toward her mother. In that small moment she’d felt the pain and was overwhelmed by it. What if she unleashed all her emotions on Sarah like she’d done on GG.

She had to do this. She refused to cry about this for the rest of her life. It was scary, but her therapist said it would help. In her PTSD moments she would wake up in cold sweats thinking she was still living with her mother or on the streets, homeless.

Ree started coughing and thought she would choke on the nausea that was raising from her stomach. She turned and walked back to the door where her mother stood. Sarah invited her inside. She felt hot and her flesh was tinkling all over.

Neither of them spoke. Ree didn’t know what to say. She’d never had a decent conversation with her mother, ever. Sarah said, “...Hello, Ree. How are you doing?...” Ree half smiled and nodded, but didn’t speak. “...I have a confession to make to you...” Sarah began to rattle off all her injustices and mistreatments toward Ree.

In the meantime, Ree struggled with her flesh. Her flesh flashed memories of being beat with an extension cord, locked closets, scary basements, going to bed hungry, sexual assault, being kicked out, dark nights on the streets, lonely days on the streets, and years of chronic homelessness.

On the other hand, Ree struggled with her convictions. Her convictions were full of God’s truths about loving as God has loved you, forgiving others as he has forgiven you, remembering his grace is sufficient, that he delights in mercy, to treat others the way you want to be treated, in this world we are to be like Jesus or be imitators of Jesus, and to show his kind of love, which covers a multitude of sins.

Ree sat listening to her mother, but she was having a real CONFLICT between her old nature and her new nature. “…The sinful nature (body of flesh) wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the [indwelling Holy] Spirit wants ...These TWO FORCES are constantly fighting each other, so you are not FREE to carry out your good intentions...” (Galatians 5 NLT).

Nobody was present but her, her mother, and God. Ree didn’t know if she could do what God had inspired her to do. She didn’t think she could say the words. Yet, she heard the still small voice:  “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). 

This was a test she didn’t think she could pass. Maybe she didn’t love Jesus like she thought. What she choose to do would prove her devotion to God.

It would also prove something to herself, that when life gets hard would she choose her own will over God’s. Ree looked up when her mother said her name. “...Ree, did you hear me. Will you forgive me?...”

Her mother had expressed her regrets in regard to what she’d said and done to Ree. How many times had Ree been to God’s throne spewing her regrets and his GRACE was sufficient.

After her internal struggle, she felt empowered to answer her mother favorably. She looked into her eyes boldly and said, “...Yes, I will forgive you...”

Sarah - the abusive, monstrous mother she known her whole life - broke into tears. Before she knew it, Ree reached for Sarah and embraced her like GG, Poppa, and Reginald had done for her so many times. She couldn’t believe she was showing love to a mother who’d never shown it to her.

Only God could cause something like this to happen. ^“…Christ liveth in [the redeemed]…” (Galatians 2:20 KJV). “….OLD THINGS are passed…” (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). “... It is God (the indwelling Holy Spirit) which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13 KJV). “… the God of peace… that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in [you, through the indwelling Holy Spirit]… what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ…” (Hebrews 13:20-21 NIV). “…The …HOLY SPIRIT …is the SOURCE of [all true love]. …it is …God who does the work IN and THROUGH all of us who are his. The HOLY SPIRIT DISPLAYS God’s power THROUGH each of us … (1 Corinthians 12:4-11 NLT).

She was relieved that she didn’t have to do what her flesh wanted her to do. “…dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit (the indwelling Holy Spirit) you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God (the indwelling Holy Spirit) are children of God…” (Romans 8:1-14 NLT).

Jesus helped Ree to keep his commandments during her struggle with the flesh. “…He helps me…” (Psalms 28:7 NLT). “… The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness…” (Romans 8:26 NLT). “…You are my helper and my savior…” (Psalms 40:17 NLT).

God had done the impossible right in front of her own eyes. “…I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27 KJV). “…The things which are impossible with men are possible with God…” (Luke 18:27 KJV).

Ree actually felt better and she was amazed how willingly her mother accepted her responsibility for the abuse she’d heaped upon her daughter.

She acknowledged her mistakes and was sorry for them. She felt guilty about everything she’d done and she readily apologized, Ree asked, “...Where do we go from here...”

Sarah suggested they meet again and continue to see one another. Ree agreed and was glad their meeting wouldn’t be a one-time thing. Sarah and Ree began to meet and talk. Healing was a process, but it give them a chance to see what happened and start afresh.

 For weeks they told no one about their relationships, except Jacob. Sarah said her motivation to change was Jesus. Ree even agreed to go to counseling with Sarah in order to work through some of the more difficult emotions.

The counselor suggested homework assignments that contributed to building a new and healthy relationship between them.

They began to have productive conversations. Ree soon learned about the hurtful things her mother had endured. It made her understand her feelings and why she’d carried so much resentment.

Sarah had blamed her offenders for years and years for what they’d done to her and put her through. After GG left the albums, letter, and little book about Jesus she found a Christian counselor and took responsibility for her recovery.

She started attending intervention programs, anger management, and getting mental health treatments regularly.

It was hard for Sarah to face her abusive behavioral patterns and how she’d become worse than those who’d offended her.

She hadn’t contacted Ree or the Deemd’s because she needed to go through the process of change without hurting them or anyone else. It was best if she kept her distance during her transition.

Sarah said choosing to pursue a change of behavior, alone, was helping her form new coping habits.

In the beginning of the process, she said she made so many mistakes, she knew it was best that Ree and the Deemd’s were not around.

With God’s help Ree and Sarah had both changed. He empowered their horribly broken relationship to recover. Sarah said she was appreciative of Ree’s presence in her life and it strengthened the new bond between them.

Ree wanted to avoid contacting her mother and thought she would be asking for more abuse by getting involved with her again. Now Ree wanted to be there for her mother and Sarah wanted to be there for her too.

They were patient and understanding with one another as they both opened up about their struggles. Sarah once said, “...I was never there for you, but I am now. We’re family...” A bond was being formed and they were willing to do the work to keep it.

Ree wasn’t a perfect person; she was far from it, but no one deserves to be abused on any level. Sarah didn’t deserve what happened to her either. She was glad Sarah made a choice for her recovery. If Sarah hadn’t decided to change, any hope of a relationship, between them, would have been impossible.

Their relationship was non-existent. They would have been stuck in a distant mother/daughter relationship for the rest of their lives. Ree thought, initially, it was too hard and impossible, but Sarah didn’t and she continued to do the necessary work to repair it.

The day before GG’s 94^th birthday, she invited Sarah over for breakfast. It was the joy of GG’s day and she was happy, in a way, Ree hadn’t seen since she’d become a part of the family.

Sarah was an amazing demonstration of God’s redemption work. She watched her mother acknowledge her wrongs, take responsibility for her actions, and admit she had emotional problems. If was as if God had bought her back from the dead.

Sarah wasn’t a sociable person, but she was doing different things now. She was communicating more positive with others. She was listening and learning to be empathetic, which was a new pattern of behavior for her, but she said “...she was a work in progress...”

Sarah expressed a desire to remove the distance between herself and the family. Momma D invited Sarah to her 94^th birthday party. Sarah was true to her word and was doing things to mend the distance.

She came over to play board games, Reginald taught her some of his favorite video games, she took morning walks with Momma and Poppa D, she helped Ree with plans for the wedding, and she reestablished ties with other family members  through various activities.

Sarah kept the door open to restoring things with her family and she looked for every opportunity to spend time with them all.

Mending the relationship with the Deemds was a step forward for Sarah, but with the Robinson’s it was two steps backward.

Sarah felt she was back on track in life, but the Robinsons had not changed and her grandfather told her to “...leave us alone...”

They lived in a Senior community now and were in their nineties too, but Poppa Robinson was ornery as ever. He left the room when she visited them, but her grandmother reached for her hand. “...I’m sorry, Allyson. It wasn’t you. It may be best if you don’t come back. For the little that its worth, I love you....”

That was hard for Sarah, but she’d come too far. Whether they made amends with her or not, at least she’d told them she forgave them. That’s the good she would take away from her visit with them and she would be okay with that.

The Robinsons had done things that truly hurt her, but she would no longer waste time blaming or resenting them. Her hateful attitude never resolved anything, but choosing to forgive and love did solve things.

Her counselor told her there would be challenges and some people won’t change or desire to rebuild relationships with her.

After her meeting with the Robinsons, Sarah did have to step back and catch her breath. Just because time had passed doesn’t mean long-standing emotions or beliefs would dissipate. The Robinsons were the same.

It was their choice. They didn’t have to choose to make amends and she had to respect that. But Sarah was okay and she could still move forward with or without them. Her life was still working together for good. “...ALL THINGS work (PROCESS) together for good (holiness) to them (the redeemed) that love God, to them who are the called ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE…” (ROMANS 8:28 KJV).