UNREE DEEMD: THE CHILD OF AN ANGRY MOTHER

Unree deemd: the child of an angry mother

“God’s “…love is patient, [God’s]…love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [God’s]…love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, [God’s]…love never fails…” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV).

 *

It felt horrible to think your whole existence is the blame for  your mother’s anger. Parents were meant to be a child’s first love, but her mother was UnRee’s first hateful enemy.

Her mother NEVER told her she loved her. When she was only two or three years old and couldn’t do certain things for herself her mother would say, “...You got two hands, do it yourself...”

How often had her mother told her she was a “mistake,” or “big disappointment,” or the “devils spawn?” The emotional abuse was unimaginable and her mother was crystal clear about how she wished she was never born. OUCH!

UnRee was punished for stupid stuff like walking too slow when she was only two years old, or having normal toddler or childhood accidents. She hated closets and scary, dark basements.

How often had UnRee been put in a bathtub of water that was too hot or too cold, but was forbidden to complain.

UnRee’s mother was an angry, abusive person. Once she and her stepfather kicked her out they moved to the suburbs and had two little boys. In the meanwhile, UnRee struggled to survive.

She found a shelter for pregnant girls after she was put out, but when she went to the hospital to have the baby, she stole the baby and ran away.

They were going to turn her over to child protection services and she’d heard horrible stories about being in the “system.” UnRee thought it would be too much like living with her mother again.

So, through connections from the girl’s shelter, she had fake identification made and went to work. UnRee worked long hours to support herself and made an effort to finish school.

UnRee felt sad, depressed, and unhappy most of her life. She didn’t know how to change her existence and felt traumatized her whole life. Struggle was all she knew all the time and every day.

She didn’t know why, but thinking Jesus was probably looking for her was the first time she ever felt an inkling of hope.

When she struggled with no one to help, she would say his name: Jesus. When she struggled with bills, she would say his name: Jesus. When she lost jobs and didn’t know what to do, she would say his name: Jesus. Every time she said his name things would work out. She thought it was some kind of power in his name: Jesus.

UnRee didn’t care how crazy it sounded to anyone else, Jesus was all she had and he was probably looking for her.

UnRee managed to get through middle school and almost all of High School without anyone detecting she had no parents.

Every now and then she would ride out to the suburbs and sometimes she would see her mother with her two little boys. Her mother looked young and happy. UnRee looked old and ragged from no rest, worry, and constant struggle.

UnRee had no one. Once her mother drove by, while she was on the corner with a bucket and cardboard sign and criticized her for looking like a rag doll. She told her to get a decent job and fix herself up. “... You look pathetic...” she shouted.

UnRee remembered just staring at her mother and not knowing what to say. What do you say to a mother who is ALWAYS hateful and angry toward you.

UnRee thought -  standing on a corner with a bucket and a cardboard sign - was better than living with her hateful and angry mother.

She may look like a “rag doll” but she had no support. She was working a regular job and begging to make ends meet. She couldn’t afford any more than she had. UnRee was doing it alone and she struggled while her mother lived comfortable with her pedophile husband and their two little boys.

UnRee was fortunate not to turn to prostitution or become a sex slave. She called on Jesus and asked him to protect her from any other molester or pedophile like her stepfather.

At her young age, she could have been an easy target. She looked vulnerable, even though she was ragged, skinny, poor, and had dark circles under her eyes, she was kept safe from “that” world.

When you are not loved and cast away like she was, an skilled abuser and predator can see it a mile away. UnRee was a prime candidate for those who are caught up in the sex trades or human trafficking.

Her mother didn’t love her and she was empty on the inside. Life was overwhelming, most of the time, and it was dragging her down. She was full of self-loathing and she had no confidence in herself. This life of struggle was all she had and all she deserved.

UnRee got close to no one. There were boys who tried to talk to her, but the minute they treated her bad, in any way, she cut them off.

UnRee was not kind to herself, which was bad enough, but she wasn’t going to let anybody treat her like her mother did ever again.

UnRee didn’t expected any human being to treat her lovingly, but she believed Jesus would when he found her.

UnRee had an emotional handicap, but didn’t even know the severely of it. She was never able to rely on anyone and she knew nothing about a support system.

She came into the world with a disadvantage and had no idea that a normal loving support system existed anywhere. Her mother’s failure to love her made her feel worthless. UnRee had no idea that the problem was her mother’s and not hers. Her mother’s anger had damaged her whole psyche.

UnRee was thrown out of her mother’s life like a piece of trash. She took it personal and no matter how hard she tried or desired to rise above it, she couldn’t.

UnRee didn’t even cry about her mother anymore or the fact that she didn’t love her. After UnRee was kicked out of her mother’ and stepfather’s life, she felt utterly worthless. They didn’t even let her take her clothes. It was pathetic.

She was 27 years old now and Jesus hadn’t found her yet. She was trying to wait for him, but she didn’t know how much longer she could hold on.

UnRee stood on the corner and the day turned to evening. She was more tired than usual and she passed out. When she woke up, she was in the hospital. It wasn’t the county either. It was one of those upscale hospitals too.

She buzzed the nurse. UnRee asked “...Who bought me here?...”

“...Reginald...”

“...Reginald. Reginald who?...”

“....Reginald is one of the teenagers who works with his grandmother at Bethesda Street Ministries....” UnRee nodded and rolled her eyes. She didn’t like government services and she didn’t like church ministries. At that moment, Reginald walked into the room. He spoke to the nurse and gave a big smile to UnRee. He walked over and hugged her. “...You’re better...” She stiffened at his embraced.

“...Get away from me. I don’t know you. Why did you bring me here?...
          “...I was on my way home from football practice, with my coach and best buddy when I saw you pass out. So we bought  you’re here...”

“...Why didn’t you take me to the county? I can’t afford this...”

“...My GG is the head nurse here. She told us to bring you here...”

“...Your GG?...”

“...Yes, my great-grandmother. I took a picture of you with my cell phone and she said you’re the one...”

“....What does she mean ‘you the one?’....”

“...a few years ago when I was about three years old... I just turned 15... my GG had a dream about a young girl and she felt inspired by Jesus to go looking for her. That’s why she started working with Bethesda Street Ministries. She said Jesus told her what she looked like and everything. My GG said that girl was you....”

UnRee was speechless and her tongue became cemented to her mouth. All these years and Jesus really had been looking for her through this boy’s great-grandmother. He was the only one who would ever love her. She managed to ask, “...Do you know if this Jesus has been looking for me? Do you know him? Will he love somebody like me?...” Reginald held up his hands.

“...Yes, I know him. He loves everybody and he would definitely love someone like you...” UnRee begin to cry.

“...I’ve been waiting for him so long, but now I afraid it’s too late. I’m damaged goods. I am not worthy of his love or anyone else’s either...” Reginald took her hand gently into his own and she stiffened.

“...I’m sorry..” He said and started to remove his hand from hers.

“...No, I’m sorry, leave it there. I’m just not used to anyone touching me. Why are you holding my hand?...:”

“...I was just showing you some kindness...”

“...Do you want something from me?...”

“....No, I was just showing you kindness. I don’t want anything...”

“...Oh, okay...” UnRee didn’t know what else to say. “...when you live the life I’ve lived kindness is risky, costly, and dangerous...” Reginald removed his hand and got up to leave.

“...I would like to hear about your life. May I come back to visit?...” UnRee nodded.

Over the next few days Reginald came to visit her every day. His GG was working double shifts, as a volunteer and promised to visit her soon.

Others from Bethesda Street Ministries also came and they finally introduced her to the man named Jesus.

What they told UnRee, about Jesus, was like FOOD to a starving person or water to a person dying of thirst. She felt and experienced every part of her deliverance, which was a miracle to her.

All her life she had carried the burden of her mother’s anger and the mistake of her birth. But upon accepting Jesus Christ as a Savior it was like a dark mantle was removed from her mind, her heart, and her soul. She felt brand spanking NEW and she was!!

UnRee cried for hours at the gratefulness of her Salvation. Jesus saved a “wretched person” like her. She’d been lost her whole life and he really FOUND Her!!

For UnRee if Jesus didn’t do another thing for her, his death, burial, and resurrection was the GIFT of a lifetime.

She went from NO love to the GREATEST love of all. She FELT his indwelling presence, she experienced his goodness through salvation, and she became aware of his power to SAVE lost souls like hers!!

She vowed to serve God until she died. She knew, without a doubt, that without him, she was nothing and worthless. But being reunited and restored to God, through Jesus, she had become HIS CHILD!

UnRee Lynn Deemd was somebody’s child and she was deeply loved!! Nothing she could ever do would ever separate her from God’s love. What could she render unto God for the precious gift of his DIVINE and HOLY love.

Every time the Bethesda Street Ministries came she asked about God’s love. They gave her scripture after scripture. She read them over and over. She memorized them. Her favorite one became 1 Corinthians 13. “…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, Love never fails…” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 NIV).

Jesus will and would never harm her like her mother had and continued to do. “…Love does no wrong (harm) to others…” (Romans 13:10 NLT).

UnRee had had a brain bleed and needed emergency surgery. She learned she been in a coma for three weeks and was in ICU for five weeks before they moved her to the REHAB section of the hospital.

Reginald faithfully came to see her. UnRee told Reginald stories of the people she meet on the streets and he was intrigued. She told him about Sammy, Benjamin, Stewart, etc.

UnRee also met Reginald’s GG and what she learned from her further changed her life too! UnRee’s imagination could not truly conceive the GREATNESS of God’s love for her.

But her eyes would witness his presence and goodness through others, and she would hear with her own ears some of the treasures of his promises. And she would experience and be gifted with the many things and blessings God had stored up for her all these years he’d been looking for her.

Salvation was the BEST, but the BETTER was yet to COME!

Already UnRee had gone from being the child of an angry mother to a child of the KING!