gemini: the
desperately wicked and deceitful heart
“….from WITHIN, out of a person’s heart, come evil
thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful DESIRES (choices,
passions, appetites),
envy, slander, pride, and foolishness.
All these vile things come from WITHIN; they are what defile you…” (Mark 7:20-23 NLT).
“…from within, out of
the heart of man, proceed evil thoughts… wickedness…All
these evil things come from within, and defile a person.” (Mark 7:21-23
KJV). The heart “…is deceitful above all things and desperately
wicked…” (Jeremiah 17:9
KJV).
*
Gemini finally called Simon
and agreed to meet him, in a couple of days, in a public place, down in
Lexington Park. She hadn’t changed her mind and there was no longer any baby to
discuss. What did he want? He said he
just wanted to talk, but she didn’t trust Simon.
Gemini’s day was full.
She had five clients and as excited as she was about her own transformation,
she was not excited about those who still needed serious transformation.
Most people were not
coming to counseling to transform, but they were coming for permission or to
find a way to normalize their reasons for staying the same. In the past she’d
given them what they wanted.
She was using
non-Christian methods to counsel Christians, because she was under the
impression that their methods were better than spiritual truths. Though
psychology can offer valuable insights into humanity, it is totally remiss of
the spiritual truths that can truly HEAL, DELIVER, and make one WHOLE again.
Now that her OWN heart
was being healed, delivered and transformed by the indwelling Holy Spirit, she could see how “desperately wicked”
she’d been. Psychology NEVER did that for her.
She could also see it
in others too. The greatest TRICK the enemy had upon the church, today, is the
fact that they, like the world, LOOKED on the appearance. Psychology was
LIMITED to the flesh or its human effort and how it SEES, OBSERVES, UNDERSTANDS,
and HELPS ITSELF.
All the devil had to do
is make one of “his demon disciples” LOOK and ACT like a Christian. Other
Christians see, observe, understand, and model themselves after the "demon disciples". Thus, the devil, through appearance alone, can control the church while deceiving them at the same
time!
If “one” sinner could
destroy much good, imagine what “one” demon disciple could do. Gemini thought
she was BEING the idea Christian leader and wasn’t hurting anyone, but she DID
and she WAS! She’d actually demonstrated how to be a Christian through the
flesh or her human effort, without spiritual fruit or the indwelling spiritual
power.
A few Sundays ago she’d
spoken at a LARGE woman’s conference in Tennessee and several people gave their
lives to Christ. In her 20+ years in ministry, she had NEVER, personally, been
used, by God, in such a way and she knew why.
She was considered a
Christian performer, who entertained, but had NO real supernatural power! People
gathered together in a building called church, but that doesn’t mean they are
having a “real” church experience.
Whoever was looking at
her as a Christian leader thought she was the real thing and some of them didn’t
know any different. She had contributed and influenced the new performance based,
but spiritual powerless, breed of new “Christians.”
What
had deceived her? It was her heart. The bible says the heart is deceitful above
all things and desperately wicked. OMG!
Gemini heart was NOW laden with guilt!
In 20+ years of
ministry, Gemini put her total confidence, for being a “Christian” leader, into
her own hands. She had helped people, influenced them, but it was ALL limited
to the flesh. Spiritually, she was useless and worthless, and had not LEAD, at
least not on purpose, people to the ONE and ONLY true healer!
When she’d gotten
really sick, the doctors did all they could humanly do, to treat her and she
wondered who would do the rest. God did. She watched an incision heal for
weeks.
She watched the red and
inflamed wound close up, a scab covered it for weeks, eventually the scab fell
off and a small thin scar was left it is place. The doctors had treated her,
but God had healed her.
No human being had healed her incision. People say time heals all wounds, but during "that" time what is healing the wound? God heals.
No human being had healed her incision. People say time heals all wounds, but during "that" time what is healing the wound? God heals.
She KNEW, through
experience, he was the real healer. Yet, when she gave her “testimony” she
boasted about what “she” did to get better, which she said healed her. She was ALWAYS
stealing God’s glory.
Gemini had trusted in
and depended upon her OWN righteousness and strength. She became a so-called Christian
success story without Christ. Imagine
that! She had flourished in “the church” without truly putting her HOPE in
God.
At the same time, her
heart was corrupt and in a fallen state. It was causing her to deceive herself and everyone else.
While she did evil privately, she appeared to being doing righteous publically.
And people called her a “good person.” Were
they, without knowing it, calling evil good?
Gemini was a FRAUD and
her heart was the major culprit. In her private hour of temptation, her heart
would willingly run after whatever it lusted for and she indulged in its
desperate wickedness.
Her heart was contrite
now and it saddened her in so many ways. She was being directed to live a holy
life and it was changing her behavior. She actually had no taste or desire for
adultery any more.
Though God had forgiven
her and she had truly decided to allow the Holy Spirit to transform her life,
there was still Simon to deal with.
Gemini wanted to forget
about Simon and had suggested they go on their separate ways. She also wanted to forget about
the past, move forward with Brad and act like nothing ever happened. However, she
didn’t feel right about it and she had to face them both, with the truth, no
matter what the cost!
Gemini and Brad had a
decent life together, she thought, but it had actually gotten better since her
conversion. She and Brad had grown closer spiritually as well as intimately and
she learned things were not as great, between them, as she thought it was. Her
relationship with her children was changing too. She learned the many ways she’d
hurt or disappointed them and God was healing the bond between them again.
Susan Taylor even told her she was different and she could see the spiritual
fruit now.
Gemini had already
talked to Brad. She wanted to tell him everything, but he didn’t want to know
any details. He did ask: “...Are you
still doing this wrong, Gem...”
“..No...”
“...then
I don’t want to know. I love you. I forgive you. Let’s put in under the blood
and move on...”
“...there
are some things I still need to straighten out, Brad...”
“...and
once your straighten them out?...”
“...I
can freely move on...”
“...then
do what you have to do or talk to whomever you’ve got to talk to and I don’t
want to ever hear about..”
“...Brad
don’t you want to know, what it is...”
“...No,
Gem, I don’t. I’ve known something wasn’t right for the last ten years, but I also know you’ve changed lately. I have been expecting this conversation. Sometimes
the devil is in the details and he uses the details to tear people’s lives
apart...”
“...if you knew something was wrong why didn’t
you ever say anything...”
“...I
did. How many times, over the last ten years, did I ask you was there anything
wrong, but you always said no. I prayed about it and hoped, when you were
ready, you would come to me to work it out...”
“...But
Brad I haven’t really told you anything...”
“...you’ve
told me enough, Gem and I trust that you are now ready to truly be MY wife...”
Brad was so gracious
and merciful to her and she, in no way, deserved his kindness or his
unconditional love. Again, God’s people were always loving. I don’t think I would have done for Brad
what he’d done for me.
Gemini had learned two important differences between so-called Christians and "real" Christians: real Christians were loving and real
Christian had the indwelling Holy Spirit. New, innocent or young converts trust in
the integrity and guidance of “Christian” leadership. It is the phony, so-called Christian who hurts the new or young converts and they are the ones who DESTROY the witness and credibility of the true
Christian faith.
Gemini paid attention
to all the Christians scandals, whether they were true or not. There was Billy
James Hargis, Jim and Tammy Bakker, Andy Bloomdale, Jimmy Swaggart, Robert Tilton, Eddie L.
Long, and so on. What if she was next?
Almost everybody knew
someone who didn’t go to church because of the
hypocrites, or because someone, in the church, had “hurt” them, or because of its many
scandals.
For years and years
Gemini had gotten away with her adulterous ways and she thought she was being
slick keeping it on the down-low.
She wasn’t being slick
or getting away with anything. God was showing her GRACE and giving her an
opportunity, through time, to get it straight with him. But her time had ran
out and she felt like the old saying: a
day late and a dollar short.
A Simon may be her "...day late and dollar short..."
A couple of days later Gemini drove to Lexington Park. She felt anxious, her stomach was churning, and she kept passing gas. Simon was fine and sexy. He was the perfect temptation for her adulterous ways and she wondered would she pass the test when she saw him again. All she wanted to do is talk, break up, and walk away. She didn’t want to return to her old ways.
A couple of days later Gemini drove to Lexington Park. She felt anxious, her stomach was churning, and she kept passing gas. Simon was fine and sexy. He was the perfect temptation for her adulterous ways and she wondered would she pass the test when she saw him again. All she wanted to do is talk, break up, and walk away. She didn’t want to return to her old ways.
She turned into the
Longhorn Restaurant parking lot. She watched Simon swag his way inside. All the
old temptations were bombarding her and speaking to her mind, but she prayed:
“...please God, help me be strong...”
Gemini dressed very
conservative, but casual. She didn’t want to give the wrong message. She was
here on a mission. When Simon saw her he smiled his radiant smile, grabbed her
as soon as she reached the table, and kissed her on the lips. Her knees
buckled, but she managed to push him away and sit down.
They talked lightly for
a few minutes, ordered their meals, and told a few jokes. Then Simon asked her bluntly: “...Who the hell are you? And you better not lie to me....”
“...what
difference does it make now, Simon. I think it’s time we go our separate ways.
You asked me to say it to your face. That’s why I’m here...”
“...You
lied to me Gemini Alexander Patterson and I think the least you can do is tell
me the truth...”
“...like
I said, what difference does it make if it’s over between us...”
“...it’s
not over for me. I want to keep seeing you.
I don’t care if you’re married. I’m in love with you Gemmy. I am pissed
that you lied, but I still love you...”
Gemini signed silently. This was going to be harder than she thought. She’d
never had this problem before and love was NEVER on the menu for her. Simon continued:
“...you know I don’t like Christians
because they’re nothing but a bunch of hypocrites. I told you how they dogged
me and my mother out unlovingly and unjustly. They kicked us out of the church
because she worked at a strip club as a waitress NOT a stripper. Plus, she knew
a lot of them went to the club regularly too and she could bust they asses.
They knew she wasn’t stripping. I don’t like them suckers! I hate them. I’ll
never forgive them for what they did with they two-faced, judgmental asses. My mother drank herself to death and I blame
them for it!...”
Gemini raised her hand
to stop his rampage. Simon always got heated about what his childhood church did to his mother. She’d heard it before. She also heard the words
“two-faced.” “....I know Simon and I’m
sorry you experienced that, but what does that have to do with us calling it
quits...”
He looked her dead in
the eyes, “...I am NOT going to let “the
church” hurt me again, Gemmy. I mean that...”
“...Are
you threatening me, Simon. I am NOT the church that hurt you!...”
“...Yes
you are and I am NOT threatening you, but I will promise you this. You are NOT
going to HURT me. If you do I am going to SHARE that pain with you, so you’ll
know what if FEELS like. So what’s it going to be Gemini?...”
She looked at him
speechless and wondered what he meant by what he’d said. She wasn’t going to
let him bully her. She promised Brad and she was going to keep her promises
from now on. “...I’m sorry, Simon. I
don’t want to hurt you. What I did was really, really wrong and I should not
have involved you in my lies and deceit. Please forgive me...” Simon was silentfor a long five minutes, but smiled. He WAS a beautiful man. He lifted his hands in defeat.
“...Okay
Gemmy, I will choose to forgive you. It won’t be easy, but I will do it for you, ONLY
because I sincerely love you. I won’t say anything to Brad or your church. But I need one more favor?...” Gemini
frowned.
“...What
it is, Simon...”
“...Remember that Lladro porcelain piece you wanted?...” Gemini
nodded. “... I bought it for you. Can I
at least give you that as something to remember me by....” She hesitated,
but nodded her consent. “...same time and
the last time, next week then...”
“...Okay,
I’ll see you next week...”
Gemini waved at Simon
as she headed back home to the Gambrills suburb in Baltimore. She started
thinking, immediately, that maybe she should cancel next week and make a clean
cut of it. But she was so grateful that he’d agreed to break if off without any
fan fair, the least she could do is accept his gift.
When Gemini walked back
into her office, she had three clients scheduled and one of them was there
waiting for her 20 minutes early for her appointment. She asked her if she
wanted to start early and together they went into session.
The truth was still the
truth: Without God, a person is NOT basically GOOD, but basically a SINFUL
NATURE. Simon Toliver was NOT a Christian and his heart was STILL “...deceitful and desperately wicked...”