HOSETTA’S
BACKGROUND
RAISED IN
THE CHURCH and
LEAVING LINCOLN,
NEBRASKA
“...
bring ...[your
children]...up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord..” (Ephesians 6:4 KJV).
*
Nowadays,
going to church is an option or Sunday is just a another day off from work.
When Hosetta was growing up Sunday was the day you attended church and it
wasn’t an option, but a lifestyle for her and her family.
A
lot of her friends claimed they didn’t go to church anymore because their
family used to drag them to church, rain or shine, every Sunday, and they
promised themselves, when they got older, they wouldn’t go anymore or make
their children go.
Hosetta
didn’t always agree with her friends excuses, because their parents made them
go to school, rain or shine, and they didn’t stop going to school. In fact,
some of them went on to get their bachelors and master’s degrees by choice.
She
was raised in the church too. Being
“raised” in the church meant Sis Smith, Deacon Griffin, Aunt Sally, Uncle
Bobby, or Mother Taylor could reprimand you, whip your butt, or report your
behavior to your parents no matter where you were. The eyes of the Baptist
saints were everywhere!
Hosetta’s
father was a deacon, her mother was a usher and a deaconess. Her
grand-grandmother and great, grand-grandmother were both mothers of the church.
Hosetta was knee deep in the Christian culture with a Baptist background, and
all its influences. She went to Sunday School, regular service, BTU, and
evening service. She was WELL-nurtured in the scriptures.
Her
family was far from perfect, but by “raising” her in the church, they provided
a Christian village to help. That village included everyone from the usher, at
the door, to the community of congregants, to the preacher, in the pulpit.
These were people who modeled Christ-likeness, as a way of life, which included
manners and respect for others.
Hosetta
was bought up in the “...yes ma-am...”
“...no ma’am...” and “...yes sir...” and “...no sir...” generation. Hosetta knew all the black mother quotes: “...a hard head makes a soft behind...” “...I
hope you learn that homework like you know the words to “that” song...” “...you
smellin yourself...” “...you better fix
that face...” “...I will slap you into
next week..” “...don’t make me beat the black off of you...”
In her
younger days, her mother and other black mothers had a language of their own
and every black child knew what their personal colloquiums meant. They were
taught manners and respect at home and at church. In those days, the church
provided principles and biblical values, that helped, guide their behaviors.
Her
generation didn’t always follow the rules and they acted a fool just any other
group of young people coming up, but their biblical values were a guide and a
protection, in case, they got too lost.
Hosetta
was introduced to the Baptist church and Christianity as a lifestyle, but she
was always told she would have to choose and accept Christ for herself.
Christianity wasn’t an inheritance, but a personal, individual journey.
She
was nine years old when she understood sin and why Christ had died for the
world. Hosetta could remember how happy she felt when she understood God’s love
and his deliverance from sin.
She loved God from an
early age and she wanted know all ABOUT Him. It was years later that, not only,
did she want to know ABOUT him, but she wanted to KNOW him.
The day she was
baptized still sticks in her mind. The baptismal pool at Bethal Baptist Church,
was in the ground and she would have to step down into it. Rev. Barnes was old
(about 33), to her, and she was concerned about HIM being the one who dunked her
in the water, “...what if he dropped her...”
but her mother reassured her he wouldn’t drown her.
Hosetta didn’t “feel”
any different once she was saved, but she knew she was. Nonetheless, the Monday,
after her baptism, she got into a fight with the school bully and it made her
wonder about her salvation.
Fortunately, she
learned in Sunday School about making mistakes, God’s grace, forgiveness, and
growing spiritually.
The church gave Hosetta
a strong foundation and biblical values often guided her behavior. As a
youngster she had no problem sticking to the lifestyle she'd become accustomed
too. She had a huge family and lots of cousins who ALL went to church, too.
Hosetta loved her life
in Nebraska and she was close to her family and friends. They loved her too,
and often reprimanded her for being too generous and big-hearted to strangers.
She kept them entertained with her sense of humor, her story telling, and her getting-them-in-trouble adventures.
It’s funny how she
never had to twist their arms, but they choose to go on those adventures, with
her, willingly. Yet, she was always the blame.
Some of those
getting-in-trouble adventures, she’d learned from her uncle, which was her
mother’s baby brother and was only three years older than her. Trains used to
past through, behind her grandmother’s house, and her Uncle Sam taught her how
to jump on one car and ride it for a minute or two and then jump off. It was
exhilarating and fun!! Sometimes she would do it with a dress on.
Hosetta and Sam used to
jump on and off those trains, for years, until the police caught them and told
them to go home immediately or else. They went straight home that day and sat
quietly in her grandmother’s living room, which made her suspicious and they
ended up telling her everything. She said, “...That’s what y’all get. I hope you learned your lesson” They did and
NEVER jumped those trains again. Nevertheless, it had been fun while it lasted!
Hosetta’s family also
went on vacations, to family reunions, had Sunday dinners at her grandmother’s
house, and hung out together on many other occasions. Her life was idyllic
until the day her father announced they were moving away from Nebraska to
Arizona.
Everyone she loved,
grew up with, and had spent her life with, thus far, was in Nebraska. How was
she going to live without her favorite cousins, her dear grandmother, her
favorite uncle, her god-family, her, very close, school chums she’d known since
elementary school, or her Baptist church family.
Nebraska was not necessarily
a popular place to live, but Hosetta liked it. She was born in Lincoln, in Lancaster
county. She would miss the four seasons and picnics along Holmes Lake. The
seasonal snow made Lincoln a winter wonderland every Christmas. She would miss
her friends and the nuns at St. Mary’s Academy of the Sacred Heart, but not
those ugly uniforms. She couldn’t believe she was leaving
She felt sick as she
drove away from Nebraska. What would happen to her dreams now? Her and Tina
were going to be movie stars together. Her and two of her closest cousins were
going to marry the Walter brothers and have a triple wedding. Her god-sister
was getting married and she was supposed to help her plan the wedding. Who would pesty Uncle Sam have to pick on
now that she was leaving? She wouldn’t be able to spent Saturdays with her
grandmother anymore either. Hosetta was heartbroken and practically cried all
the way to Arizona.
If Hosetta could think
of a pivotal moment that changed her life, it would be the day she left Lincoln,
Nebraska.
“…For whatsoever things were
written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope”
(Romans 15:4 KJV). “Now
all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come...” (1
Corinthians 10:11 KJV).
*
In Lincoln, Hosetta felt safe in her
established community. Her interactions with family, friends, and the church
community, combined together, provided a healthy environment for her to
experience growing up. They looked out for her and she looked out for them.
Hosetta’s upbringing, to this point, was
done by a community of people. Her biological parents had the full
responsibility for her care, but they had allowed others to contribute
positively to her life.
Of course, Hosetta’s parents monitored who
they let into her community, but overall it was a pretty healthy group of
people.
Back in Lincoln, Hosetta felt loved by her
community of family and friends. They were a big support system for her and
came to her school events and other functions. Her big village, of family and
friends, made her feel strong and like she could do anything with her life.
Her and her mother were extremely close,
but their personalities were so different they bumped heads a lot. They accepted
their differences better when her grandmother was nearby because Hosetta’s
temperament was more like hers.
Hosetta skills and talents were on the
creative and artistic side, whereas her parents were more traditional and
practical. Without her Lincoln community, Hosetta’s opinion, interests,
attitudes, and new ideas clashed with her parents.
Spending time with the "village" had broaden Hosetta’s perception and helped influence her to interact with the
world in non-traditional ways that didn’t always sit well with her parents.
Hosetta went from having a HUGE community (village) of family and friends to a small community of two. Her parents were wonderful
people, but by themselves they couldn’t help the daughter they had exposed to a
wider perspective of life and the world.
Wherever you go in life, there will always
be friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, the church community, or
others, close or far, but for Hosetta, her Lincoln community was the best.
It was the love she shared with them. It
was the bond she shared. It was the history she shared. It was the time she
spent with them. They had nurtured her, watched over her, guided her, and
raised her and now she and her parents were on their own.
In Lincoln, every Saturday was her and her
grandmother’s special day. Hosetta worried about her now: What would
her grandmother do without her? Who would she have to go to Downtown to Brandis and get
chocolate candy with every week?
Her grandmother was dear to her heart.
Every week they would pick a play or movie to go see together. Her grandmother
turned her on to musicals. When the “...Sound
of Music...” came out, Hosetta loved it and her grandmother took her to see
it nine times! Only a “loving” grandmother would do that!
They left on a Saturday morning and it was
the first time since she could remember that she and her grandmother wouldn’t
be hanging out.
It was a new adventure for them all. Her
parents were moving away from their parents too. Hosetta was 12 years old when
she came to Arizona. They said children are supposed to be resilient, but
resilience had skipped over her.
Hosetta coped with the loss of her life, back
in Lincoln, but she couldn’t say, for sure, whether she ever had a positive
reaction to what was a traumatic and stressful change for her.
Hosetta never felt like she bounced back
or recovered from the life she left back in Lincoln. Eventually, she did begin
to cope, adapt, and move forward in her life in Scottsdale.
However, the intensity of the move from
Nebraska to Arizona changed Hosetta, forever. She spent many days, weeks, and
months reaching back to those she loved, so dearly, in Lincoln. She wrote
letters, made phone calls, visited, and longed for the bond they once shared.
She often felt abandoned, or forsaken, or
as it they had forgotten all about her. Hosetta internalized the change and
starting thinking something was wrong with her since they, “seemed,” to have
readily gone on with their lives without her.
Yes, she maintain a sense of closeness to
them all and she saw them on visits and talked to them occasional, but it was
NEVER the same. It felt as if she was now an outsider; kicked out of her, once
safe, community.
After a while, she learned to accept her
new home and chose to make the best of it. She made new friends, became closer
to new family members, who had also lived in Arizona, and obtained a new support
system.
Her new network or community of people
helped her tremendously. It took some time, but eventually Scottsdale, Arizona
begin to feel like home.
But the loss of her life in Lincoln at 12
years old, had a humongous impact and it shaped the new identity she made for
herself.
People often told Hosetta she was a sweet
person. She was always willing to help someone. However, she began having a
problem saying no and found herself always doing favors for people she didn’t
really want to do.
Hosetta often ended up doing her work,
other people’s work, making all the plans, overseeing the details, and getting
stuck with most of the responsibility. It became an unhealthy pattern of
behavior.
Hosetta had gone from allowing herself to
be loved, feel safe, and accepted naturally to working for that love, safety,
and acceptance. Somewhere along the way Hosetta decided accommodating people’s
wishes was the best way to avoid losing them.
She tried to be a decent person and give
her new community of friends and family what they wanted. What had resilience done
for Hosetta? It made her bounce back with a wrong perspective of sustaining and
maintaining relationships.
She didn’t want to lose people like she
did in Lincoln. It was a silent, unconscious desperation. So she had high
expectations for her behavior in close relationships. She placed strict rules
on her conduct, and she was critical of her mistakes.
She had experienced a great loss which
made her believe, her family and friends, in Lincoln, had withheld their love,
from her, because of something she’d done wrong (like leaving them).
Her perception was WAY off, but she was 12
years old and had concluded she needed to do all she could to please her new
family and friends or she would lose them too.
Unbeknownst to Hosetta, within her heart
was always that hidden, lingering possibility for loss. Every request, or wish,
or favor held the potential for loss as it related to the Lincoln experience.
She worried about losing people she loved.
She worried about losing the bonds she shared with them. She worried about losing
pleasures and adventures she enjoyed. She worried about situations and
circumstances being lost.
Every day held the potential of loss. She
could lose someone’s respect, favorable opinion, approval, or closeness. It
became an overwhelming and dysfunctional way to live, but Hosetta had taken it
on.
The fear of loss became such a way of life
for Hosetta that, years after Lincoln, she had become conditioned by her new
way of thinking about close relationships. Psychologists would call her a
people pleaser or a co-dependent.
People pleasers and co-dependents are not
on the clock 24/7. Those two traits were major flaws for Hosetta, but she had
many other character traits that make her fun to be around. She had a wonderful
sense humor, she could be the life of the party, and when she became your
friend; she was a loyal one.
In spite of all she’d experienced in her
life, Hosetta never lost her sense of humor. It was a character strengthen she
took for granted. Little did she know, that her sense of humor played a big
role in her emotional well-being and her optimistic outlook on life.
Personally, for Hosetta, humor was a
stress reliever. It was also the thing that connected Hosetta to the world and
life in general. She sincerely liked to make herself and other people feel good
through humor.
If Hosetta was down and out she would
watch a comedy, find someone to laugh with, or read a joke book
Men often told Hosetta they were attracted
to her, not only for her pretty looks, but because she was an optimist with a
good sense of humor. Her best male friend. Greg Collins used to tell her she
had an odd way of coping with bad experiences.
He couldn’t understand how she could find
a way to laugh herself out of stress, especially after he’d watch her hurt and
cry.
Hosetta didn’t necessarily agree, but Greg
told her she really had a higher self-esteem than she knew. He thought she was a ridiculous optimist who see hope in cow patties and find humor in it too!
Hosetta told him “...You should be thankful for cow patties, Greg, because they are what
fertilize your food. Every time you take a bite of vegetables think “ding dong,
cow dung”...” She cracked up laughing, but Greg NEVER ate vegetables after
that.
Greg Collins was one of the first people
she met in Scottsdale. They were both 12 when they met in Sunday School at
church. They went to different schools for a while, but ended up going to High
School together at Scottsdale Falls High School.
Greg and Hosetta were like brother and
sister and shared the same crazy sense of humor. Sometimes they would laugh so
hard they could make the school lockers rattle.
They talked about everything, went to
church together, talked about their dates, girlfriends, and boyfriends. Greg
was going to become a weatherman and she was going to become a famous actress.
Greg was pretty strait-laced, but Hosetta wasn’t afraid to step on the wild
side every now and then.
Hosetta liked to go to house parties, to
away games with the school team, hanging out with the cute thugs on the other
side of town, and would smoke a joint every now and then.
She thought she was one of the hip and
cool chicks. Greg still called her a nerd and a wanna-be church girl. They
fought about it constantly.
After graduating high school in 1978, Greg
went to college in California and Hosetta went to Georgia. A few months later
Hosetta came back home for summer break. Her parents had started going to
another church and she went with them. That’s where she SAW George Henry Jarrett for the
first time.
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